@EmiliaFrost Hey, happy birthday 
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Bliss is her name now it is easier for more people to say…
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Reminds me of the time I wrote a scene filled with YA fantasy tropes beginning with the girl who is not like other girls 
I never finished that story though. I almost ended up becoming serious with it, but at the time, I was working on another story, so I shoved the trope story to the side.
Ugh, I’ve been there! When your stuck on that darn opening bit, it’s so awful, isn’t it? I did eventually get out of it, but it took so long. I did try to move on to the next chapter (also pantser, hi 
) but I couldn’t.
Oooh, that sounds interesting though 
Could he actually be one of those misunderstood villain tropes?
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Yes! And lol, it wasn’t fast at all XD I first wrote it in 2013 and I was editing it on and off here and there for a long time, getting feedback from book clubs and so forth, so it was pretty much set by the time I decided to publish it.
Introduce dragons in your current story then
Just kidding XD
The dragon story I’m writing is silly and serious at the same time. There’s a thing called harpy hangover
With gusto and determination? What are the peasants revolting about? The usual things like money and equality?
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Well that’s coming up soon How’s it going now?
oh yay! Go you! Remind me, what is this story about again?
He’s now a dragonoid prince and he’s got a big attitude (I can do whatever I want because I’m the successor and I do no wrong). It’s been interesting writing a character that is very dragon-like (do not take my gold or I’ll murder you) and very human like (I’m going to miss my druid nanny 
).
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Oh yes, of course XD I mean, same goes for me
It just keeps going I laughed XD This storyline merges with this storyline which merges with this… I think you can make a library of your own books at some point I mean that as a praise
So, in the end of all that, how many books do you think you will have including all the spinoffs?
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suggestions :)
I don’t remember many of my comments, to be honest, but I do remember being confused who knew who and how much. I feel like a lot of what you explained could be revealed in the car scene 
Although not sure if that will take away from the car scene.
At least some indication of “we just met, but it’s all good”. The Israeli culture things I’m not familiar with. Maybe some people are, but some aren’t. It might be good to reference some of that? Maybe Krista is aware of it herself? Maybe she even boasts about it?
If all the relationship stuff were revealed in the car scene, maybe it would help with the confusion in the first chapter. Then I’d read about the relationships in the car scene and be like, “oh I see, I get it” and then if I wanted to, I could go back and read the interactions in Ch.1 and it would make sense to me.
These are just suggestions
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I love the name Serenity. Is there a reason for the choice of names or was it at random?
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Yup! The wages are low and taxes are high since the king uses the tax money to live a decadent life at their expense. So the peasants are starving, and I’m thinking I’m going to have “Lord Byron” show up as their champion. Now I’m wondering if I should make him die like he did in Greece. *thinks and thinks*
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I wanted to go with a virtue name theme for this.
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Just wait until we hit books 4, 5 and 6 
Honestly I am considering the option 
That is a great question
goes and counts
Apparently 58. But the number may go up at any time and probably will because one spin-off only has 2-3 books so far but I think more are coming
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With the Jewish culture issue, I’m thinking in chapter one (or two) Krista could ask Dov* why he has a Jewish name if he is Pagan…Dov chose a Pagan (Viking) name for the clone…Dov reveals he studied Jewish and Israeli culture since he was child, and his grandparents were awarded the last name Shaul* by a Rabbi for his family’s close friendship and support of the Jewish community. Polanski realises this is also why Dov traveled to Israel after his time in the army, and maybe a reason for why he came back (at Lander’s request). And why Dov is not too surprised by Krista’s antics, at least in chapter one.
*
Dov is Hebrew for Bear, and Shaul is Hebrew for honoured Gentile.
In chapter five, Krista gives Dov the nickname Bear because, from the girls’ perspective, Dov has the size and strength of a Grizzly but the gentleness and loyalty of a favourite teddy. Krista also remarks Dov is Hebrew for bear anyway, so why not use it in Israel. However, only Krista and Freyja can use Dov’s nickname.
Random thought. I could give Krista some extra leeway with, in chapter five, Dov asks Polanski why Krista became so close to Dov…more than he expected for new friends in Israel…and why Polanski is so casual about it. Polanski waves off Dov’s concern and remarks he is Krista’s childhood hero; an Australian Commando. Karen’s mercenaries often told their children stories about how a platoon of Australian Commandos defied their orders and saved the mercs from being wiped out in Kosovo. And besides, why did Aviva decide Dov was worthy of being her brother when they first met?** Polanski’s summoning her inner Rabbi here, answering a question with a question.
**
I once read the Israeli Special Forces have an unofficial rule. They should never refer to each other by their rank or last name, only by achi (my brother). Besides, the IDF consider references to formal ranks to be an insult, it’s first names or nicknames only.
I have a draft end scene for chapter five that I’m now considering changing. Late at night, Dov Krista and Freyja sit in the hallway, discussing the pool and Dov’s rescue, and Krista gives Dov several gifts for saving her life.
This might change to Krista asking Dov to wait outside the girls’ bathroom while they attempt another shower before bed…Krista remarks she tried to bathe before dinner, but the bath reminded her of the pool and she froze up. When Krista tried to shower instead, Freyja hugged her so tightly neither girl had a proper wash. Maybe Dov’s calming presence will help the girls to chill…So Dov stands guard by the bathroom door while the girls make a final attempt to wash the chlorine off them, in the hope that they have a night free of bad thoughts or nightmares, and the trio have their hallway conversation then.
After the girls’ shower, Krista asks Dov to wash their hair; seated beside the bath with a robe-wrapped girl lying across his lap and her hair in the bath. A personal gift for Dov’s devotion, patience, and heroics. Also Krista’s way to ensure Dov’s (and Freyja’s) day ends with pleasant memories. When Dov begins to wash Krista’s hair Polanski appears by the door, tries not to laugh at the scene before her, and she remarks everyone was right about Dov. He is just a Commando out of uniform. Krista whispers a correction; Dov is a Commando Teddy.***
***
Apparently such creatures exist in Israel…
I must make this Hannah’s comfort toy / mascot.
Polanski announces she left some modest gifts, which the girls helped to choose, on Dov’s reading table as thanks for today. In twenty seconds Dov saved four worlds from disaster.**** No one in Karen’s household will forget that. Polanski then bids the assembled a good night with wonderful dreams, and continues on her security checks.
****
When you save one life, you save an entire world ~ A quote from the Talmud, and the motto of the IAF’s 669 Squadron (Special Forces: Search and Rescue).
The worlds Polanski refers to are hers, Krista’s, Freyja’s and Wolff’s (Krista’s father).
After escorting the girls to their room, an exhausted Dov retreats to his room and discovers a several books on his desk. Photographer anthologies (A3 format, hardback first editions, naturally). In about 0.3 seconds Dov determines which artist was chosen by the perpetually cheeky and brazen Krista.
…And congratulations if you read this far without dozing off.
Aim for 100 I’m sure you can manage it
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Just this small remark makes everything make sense with how Krista is so comfortable with Dov even though they first met.
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I won’t be shocked if we get there tbh
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Only a few days left indeed 
So far I’ve only written Opiliodas wandering through a dark forest that reminds her of home, then finding a strange glowing lily. I plan for a certain character from Sapphire Wings to make an appearance, considering this is the same dark forest from that story.
Thanks! The story is a murder mystery involving a vampire, in a nutshell. The protagonist is an orphanage caregiver who partners up with a paranormal hunter/investigator to track down the killer. It’s my first time writing a mystery, so we’ll see how it goes I’ve enjoyed it so far though!
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Have you seen the film Perfect Creature? Might be useful research / inspiration for your story.
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I just thought of where I could put the Aussie Commandos + Kosovo conversation without the info reveal looking too out of place (presented for the readers’ benefit only, and not a natural part of the story’s events).
A pre-dinner discussion (pool adventure debrief) between Dov, Polanski and Karen, and the women’s two bottles of vintage Ice Wine…A prerequisite for any dinner table gathering in Karen’s household…
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Sorry about late reply hope you don’t mind I’m replying this late 
I was busy with my last sem exam prep and stuff, so to answer your o probably don’t have any concrete idea I want to try lots of things but one permanent thing that ik I will end up doing is likely a professor job at college or university so yea that’s the plan right now
Haha ngl it’s a pretty accurate analogy to think I was almost out my wits after lockdown to even think about talking to people now how I am it’s been wild, you like Pokemon? What’s your favorite?
I like romance tbh basic but yea but I want to try more plot heavy stuff like science fiction or fantasty currently I’m trying to write a book with some of my friends
How i got into writing isn’t very exciting way tbh I liked to read fanfiction i still do guilty as charged anyways so I was reading stuff and after some time i wanted to see some specific types of tropes or characters and nothing seemed to be what I was looking for so i thought ykw fuck that I’ll write what I want to read and yea that was all lmao
What’s your hobby???
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Doing some tidying up of my chapter segments for the next drafts.
Clean up / update for chapter six
Moved the discovery of Freyja’s passive night vision to the start of chapter three. The trio had an improvised sleepover in Krista’s room; Freyja in Krista’s bed, Dov seated on the floor by the head of Krista’s bed, Krista lying beside Dov using his thigh as a pillow. However, Freyja did not sleep during the night. She wanted to watch over her companions, although everything looked different shades of green to her. Freyja’s arm was also looped around Dov’s neck. Krista told Freyja if she holds Dov the countless (multilingual) words bouncing around Freyja’s mind wouldn’t hurt or confuse her. Krista was right.
The start of chapter six confirms Freyja’s night vision. Krista awakes just before dawn to find Dov and Freyja seated on Freyja’s bed (the girls are roommates now), browsing through several large diagram books…Freyja’s mind is a vacuum for information…Dov reports when he woke up about 30min before, he found Freyja on the floor beside his reading chair* browsing through a text book. Freyja’s eyes glowed neon green, and she could read most of the text without issue but the fine print gave her eyestrain.
*Krista had persuaded Dov to read the girls some bedtime stories the previous evening. However, the slumbering Freyja’s vice-like grip on Dov’s forearm meant the reading chair was also his bed for the night.
The trio have a pre-breakfast run of the mercenaries’ obstacle course. When Krista sets Dov the task of carrying Freyja through a lap of the course, Dov begins to wonder why his strength hasn’t diminished since his Commando days. Frejya, by Dov’s estimates, weighs close to 75kg (dense muscles and denser bones) but her weight didn’t bother him. Dov was far more concerned about hurting Freyja, or losing their balance (and protecting his sanity from Krista’s brazen commentary). Krista doesn’t give Dov any chance to contemplate this mystery, challenging him to a race through the course just to prove she is at least five seconds faster.
During the post-breakfast photography session (ID photos for Dov and Freyja) in the villa’s hallway, Polanski announces Karen has completed most of the paperwork for Dov’s business visa, but Karen needs to keep Dov’s passport for a while longer until Dov signs the papers and his visa (finally) arrives. Dov is formally Karen’s employee (mazel tov), although Dov now has two years of living with Krista to look forward to (oy vey).
Polanski also notices Freyja’s interest in her Leica camera (early indications of expensive tastes), and Dov’s familiarity with the DSLR’s layout. Dov remarks, he studied photography and lenses to help with his sniper and reconnaissance work in the Commandos. Polanski loans her camera to Freyja on the condition that Dov teaches Freyja about digital photography, so Freyja can record her favourite events and memories. Krista’s inner chutzpah reactor reaches melt-down point with this development.
Nothing much to change in the pool scene. Though Dov is again bemused at how easy he finds carrying Freyja while treading water, and while practicing rescue strokes with her. Dov’s laps are only slowed because he doesn’t want their bow-waves splashing into Freyja’s face and scaring her (awakening memories of the beach wave), or Freyja’s borrowed ill-fitted bikini (chosen by Krista) being pulled off in their slipstream…or by the circling Krista’s ‘clumsy’ strokes…Dov doesn’t notice Freyja’s weight.
After the rescue, Dov massages the stinging joint-locking cramps out of Krista’s thighs, and Krista asks how Dov became such a skilled masseur. Dov replies, he met an Indian (Collation) nurse in Afghanistan who helped to look after Dov’s sniper team between missions. The nurse taught Dov about massages, and meditation and focus exercises, so Dov could look after his team during their missions (lying still on weather-blasted rocky mountains for a week or more is not kind to your body). Krista voices her theories as to which other massage and focus exercises Dov learnt from the Indian nurse. Dov refuses to be baited and carries the girls inside for their showers before dinner. Freyja gets a ride to reward her bravery and quick learning (first time in the pool), and Krista because Dov’s back just happened to be vacant.
The debriefing (after dinner) scene with Dov and the girls is being re-written, again. Krista arranges to talk with Dov alone in the hallway for a few moments, while Freyja prepares the girls’ shower, and Krista talks about what she experience and thought when she was about to drown. Krista then asks why Dov rescued her when she didn’t expect him to (she was too deep to see the water’s surface thanks to the shadows), if Dov was certain the rescue would be successful before he dived after her, and why he didn’t stay with Freyja, she should be more important than Krista.
Dov notices Krista’s concerns are more derived from fear and trauma than logic, and he picks Krista up for a tight hug. Dov whispers he never abandons companions or teammates, and the girls are both to him. Dov admits he didn’t think about the risk to himself, only about finding Krista and getting her back to Freyja. Dov almost passed out during their ascent, no air in his lungs and no oxygen left in his blood, but he doesn’t regret taking the risk and he will do the same next time too, for either girl. Krista scolds Dov for being a silly Commando, just like those in her parents’ stories, and she returns Dov’s hug with interest. Dov claims the military never had an abundance of intelligence and Krista agrees, because why did the Australian Army let Dov leave.
And before everyone finally retreats to bed, Krista asks Dov for a favour on Freyja’s behalf. If Freyja is interested in portrait or figure photography, Dov will model for her and Dov will be her photographer too. Give Freyja experience on both sides of the camera. Dov agrees while wondering what role or influence Krista will have in such lessons.
I’m a tad concerned that this chapter, in draft form, could be close to six thousand words. Some segments may have to go on a severe word diet, or be reassigned to the digital waste bin.
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