All About Pronouns

Tell us more. :eyes:

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Like not sure when to use themself or themselves so you adjust it to not use it. “They’re by themself/themselves.” versus “They came alone.”

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Something to that affect since some people seems unsure whether to use “themself” or “themselves” for singular “they”

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Oooh, that’s smart.

In my blurb, I just used themself because “self” is singular.

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Yeah, there’s nothing with “themself” too. I personally like it more for my writing but I bet some people are unsure on which to use because both aren’t incorrect technically.

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i was wondering how to use they/them pronouns in a sentence for some of my characters!! thanks joy!!

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No prob!

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I’ve found people who go by they/she or they/he online and irl, but I find that it confuses people in books. How so? And what can I do differently?

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I saw no one replied yet to this. It sounds like similar to a genderfluid book pronoun type situation since the characters use more than one set of pronouns in this case. it may be easier to have it by first person but if it’s third person it’ll be harder. I remember reading a book where the genderfluid character would announce which pronouns they wanted to be referred to. You could also put rules like what type of people are allowed to use which pronouns since I know some people in real life do that too. So, close family and friends are allowed to use he/him or they/them while work partners or strangers can refer to the person as only they/them.

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Ah, I see. I’ll add that to my story.

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Awesome! As long as it’s explained, I think you’ll be okay.

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Wowza, I found this website on pronouns. It may be handy to have here!

https://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns/?_ga=2.71663510.481085487.1606022951-177212711.1606022951#a2

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Thank you, Joy! :sparkles:

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No problem~

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Random fact I found out. Marriem Webster chose singular they as the word of the year for 2019

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These are my thoughts on the questions, if I said something wrong inform me! :)

What pronouns do you use?

I use they/them when I get a chance to introduce myself to new people in a space that makes telling them my pronouns feel natural.

extra rambling

I’ve considered doing it in other places but so far I haven’t gotten the chance to try it.
And if I’m in voice chat I’m already telling them to pay attention to misophonia noises, so those two things together feel like too much to ask. (I think I could just tell them I’ll leave at the first trigger so they can learn without worrying about it, and introduce myself ‘ilian, they/them’)


How do you feel when the right pronouns are used for you?

Comfortable.

more rambling- again, if I said something inaccurate or offensive tell me

It feels like they/them is the default in spaces where I get to tell people my pronouns, and they aren’t implying anything about me, or something like that? It feels to me like pronouns have all sorts of stereotypes attached to them, and using they/them pronouns is a way to say, quite simply, ‘I don’t want to be stereotyped as whatever you think of when you think of gender.’
I know this is a kind of weird reason, as it’s not actually accurate- stereotypes are not exclusive to genders, and there are a TON of people who break expectations for their gender and are happy to do it.
And when I analyze my behaviours I can see reasons I might be feminine. But feminine is actually so much more than loving emotions and laying out choices- there’s a whole vibe that most girls have, and it’s not quite the vibe I vibe with and would like to be.

It seems like I decide how to describe myself based on other people and how much they’re like or unlike me and who I’d like to look like. And just in terms of appearance, I don’t want to look feminine, I’d like to look completely androdynous. In terms of mind I probably do act like way more girls than guys, but idk, I feel more comfortable using they/them.
I keep wondering if the reason for wanting to be androdynous is internalized mysogyny or inaccurate female stereotypes getting to my head.

But

in the end, which pronouns I ask people to call me by doesn’t need to have more significance than wearing a hat. If I like this hat better than that hat, I’m gonna wear this hat.


How do you feel when the wrong pronouns are used for you?

A bit disoriented and distressed, like I’ve entered an alien world and they’re speaking a different language. XD

Summary

Though I’ve never been called he that I can remember, I have a super feminine face even when my hair is short.

The way my family sees gender is not that stereotypical, so it doesn’t bother me as much as when a stranger does it.
I’m so fed up with the idea that I’ll relate to girls like we’ll just have this instant telepathy or something based on gender. Gender is not a common interest.
And this idea that I won’t relate to guys because… what? Gender is not a lack of a common interest or perspective either :joy:
Gender stereotypes are super weird and make me uncomfortable.


Anything else about pronouns you feel like sharing?

This whole thing is confusing for me- it seems like people expect how you feel comfortable looking and sounding and being referred to to line up with some mental traits, but nobody agrees on what those traits are? For myself I’m just gonna say that they don’t need to line up. Comfortable is comfortable.

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