Summary
Phillup shook his head, his ragged light brown hair falling into his eyes.
“I don’t want to go back, Evan. Can’t you just, I don’t know, let me go?”
His friend’s steely dark eyes might have had a hint of pity buried somewhere within them, but if so it was hidden behind an icy wall of anger.
Was this really how it was? Nothing they’d had meant anything to the guard?
“You disgust me,” Evan said, turning away as if he couldn’t bear to look at the runaway prince.
Daria’s eyes widened slightly, but Phillup barely noticed.
Evan’s words hurt like a fire burning inside his chest. Not only was he going to be forced to go to the last place he wanted to, it looked like Daria was going to be his only ally, and he suspected he might not be allowed to see the young princess once they were back at the castle.
As they rounded a bend and the stone monster rose up before them, almost too big to see both sides of despite the trees that had been cleared a long way around it, Phillup felt a flash of pain in his head and sat up.
He was sitting in Mother’s room, crumpled by the wall, crying uncontrollably.
His tears slowed as he came to himself, remembering this moment.
He ran a hand over his head, feeling short, clean hair on a soft face. His clothing was soft and well fitting.
For a moment, he was caught in the crushing dissonance, panicking at the inconsistancy between how he was and how he was supposed to be.
How was he back here?
King Alamir towered over him,
“Don’t tell anyone what happened here, Eriff,” the tall, stern man said.
Phillup nodded his strange, tiny head.
“Wait,” he said as his father strode quickly toward the door.
Alamir stopped.
Had he always looked this stressed? He didn’t show his emotions in the way Phillup expected people to, but it was like looking at a dark stormcloud.
This was the effect this place had on his family. It drove them to different extremes, drove them mad.
“This time, I want to see the burial.” Phillup said, standing up.
Alamir’s eyes sharpened as though surprised, but he nodded. There was a warning in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything.
Phillup had caused all sorts of trouble while he was here, but trouble was the last thing on his mind on this day.
He didn’t want to remember this day, but he did. His mother’s death had squashed something in him, the patience to put up with this life.
Taselina’s burial was unceremonious and secretive, with only the attendees necessary for the work, and her husband and son.
As it concluded, Phillup realized he wasn’t waking up from this memory.
Panic started to speed his heartbeat, and he turned to Alamir, whose eyes were dry and dark.
Why was he here? If this wasn’t a dream, if he had to stay in the past, he’d just run away again.
It had to be easier the second time. He knew about the curse, he knew how to recognize a monster town and even where some of them were. He knew he couldn’t stay anywhere more than three days.
Phillup set his mouth in determination.
“What’s that look?” child Evan said.
Phillup looked at the kid next to him and realized he was sitting on the wall leading to the west tower with him. Phillup was even smaller, genuinely a child this time.
Anywhere else Phillup would be praying to wake up from this dream, but he was okay with existing in this moment for a bit.
“Just remembering something,” Phillup said, slipping into the moment to reply.
“Well?” Evan said after about three seconds.
“Not telling.”
“Okay. Want to spar?”
Phillup looked at him, realizing how different he was from Daria. The simple, unbothered trust. There was a reason he’d liked this kid.
Not to dis Daria, but she was kind of nosy.
Phillup tried to adjust to his tiny, weak form. His body was used to moving like this, and his muscles remembered things he’d forgotten a long time ago. In the end he disarmed his friend, flashing him an easy smile.
Evan stared at him.
“You’re different,” he said.
Phillup frowned, trying to figure that out. It had been so long since he’d really been here, how was he supposed to remember how he’d been?
“How so?” he asked.
“Your smile is wider and just… I don’t know, looks different. Your movements are more measured, and you kept misjudging your reach while we were sparring. Also, you had this driven, focused look earlier.”
He said it was though it was the strangest thing for Phillup to look driven or focused.
Phillup supposed this was a time in his life when he was just going along with everything or goofing off and playing pranks on the guards. And he was bound to move differently after however many years had passed.
Phillup patted Evan on the head,
“You’re too observant, kid,” he said.
Evan drew back and looked at him as though he’d just sprouted horns.
“…Who are you?” he said, halfway between serious and joking.
It must be confusing. Phillup looked just like had, and in some ways his movements were similar. But he wasn’t bothering to pretend. He wasn’t planning to live out his childhood again the same way.
“It seems I’ve time traveled,” he said, also half serious.
“…Okay. What am I doing in the future?” Evan asked, playing along.
“You followed in your father’s footsteps,” Phillup said, a bit stiffly.
And you hate me for some reason.
“What? Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Wouldn’t I tell you?”
Evan sounded doubtful of his time travel story.
“I haven’t exactly talked to you for like ten years, so…”
“We aren’t in the same place?”
Evan’s disbelief hung in the air between them.
Looking at the wide eyed kid in front of him, Phillup felt heavy.
“I ran away.”
“Without me?” Evan said quietly.
A breeze blew by, chilling Phillup further. Suddenly, he didn’t want to be here at all.
Phillup looked at the castle wall, the weathered, dull stone he’d always hated.
“Yeah,” he said.
“But we talked about this. We’re supposed to run away together,” child Evan’s high voice shook.
“I didn’t think you were serious about that.”
Evan just looked at him, and Phillup winced at the plainer, more vulnerable version of current Evan’s expression.
“You can do anything you want to. You can travel, you can use what your family has to get pretty much any job you want to in any place you want to. You wouldn’t really want to travel with a fugitive,” Phillup said
Evan stared at him, tears welling up in his eyes.
Phillup was suddenly aware that he’d made a child cry.
“I’m sorry! Don’t cry, there there,” he said, reaching to pat Evan’s head.
Evan slapped his hand away, glaring at him.
He backed away two steps, glaring through his tears.
“So that’s how it is,” he said shakily, then turned and ran before Phillup could do anything.
The prince sat down in the grass, staring at their discarded wooden sticks.
He’d made his friend cry. In the end, he didn’t understand anything.