Blurb Feedback (The Fireman's Girl)

Writing Support
#1

Hi guys, I was wondering if you could critique my blurb for me?

When Harris, a firefighter in Milwaukee, saves a redhead from a burning hotel room, he has no idea that she is Ablaze. However, her millions of followers sure do.

Despite their incompatible views on social media presence and Harris’ embitterment with the womanhood, sparks fly between the two… until Ablaze’s seemingly perfect boyfriend shows up to spirit her away.

Fueled by the memory of his mother’s betrayal, Harris gives into his suspicions instead of walking away. He digs deeper into Ablaze’s past, where so many things had burst into flames.

Once his investigation puts him on the trail of an arsonist, Harris must confront his misogyny… or he would be consumed by Ablaze’s fiery aura, while the world looks on and argues if they are worthy of saving. Of loving. Of being loved.

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#2

I know you didn’t ask for it, but I rewrote it.

Blurb

When Harris, a Milwaukee firefighter, saves an unsuspecting redhead from a burning hotel room, he has no idea that she is social media influencer Ablaze.

Despite their incompatible views on social media and Harris’ bitter feelings toward women, sparks fly between the two… at least, until Ablaze’s seemingly perfect boyfriend arrives and spirits her away.

Fueled by memories of betrayal at the hands of his own mother, Harris embraces his negative suspicions about the woman. He digs deeper into Ablaze’s past and finds as many burning embers as were left by the fire.

When his investigation puts him on the trail of an arsonist, Harris must confront his own misogyny… or risk being consumed by Ablaze’s fiery aura. The world looks on and debates whether they are worthy of being saved… of loving… and of being loved.

Some of this is probably way off since I’m missing context, but I gave it a try. Take whatever you want from it, if anything. :slightly_smiling_face:

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#3

Thanks for giving it a shot!

#4

Version 2:

When Harris, a Milwaukee firefighter, saves a redhead from a burning hotel room, he has no idea that she is a social influencer Ablaze.

Despite their incompatible views on social media presence and Harris’ bitter feelings toward women, sparks fly between the two… until Ablaze’s seemingly perfect boyfriend shows up and spirits her away. Fueled by hurt from the past betrayal, Harris embraces his negativity to dig deeper into Ablaze’s past. There, his discovers a lot of glowing embers.

Once his investigation puts him on the trail of an arsonist, Harris must confront his misogyny or be consumed by Ablaze’s fiery aura, while the world debates if they are worthy of being saved… of loving… and of being loved.

#5

Too many fire puns for my taste, it feels like you’re really reaching for them and trying too hard. Might be better to use precise language instead of all the fire themed euphemisms. One is cute and endearing, several crammed into one little blurb is tacky. Even just the fact that the girl’s name is “Ablaze” is enough that adding more is oversaturation.

#6

Hmm, I will see if I can take one or two out… like it is easy to just strike out the sentence about glowing embers, since it really doesn’t contribute anything

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#7

I do think that would help the readers take it more seriously.

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