OMG YASSSSS
Come on 
booktok is literally just “straight women sipping over unrealistically hot men” tok 
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Chapter 2:
He looked first into a mirror, and regarded the silver shine of the big eyes that stared back at him through his mesh of messy black hair; his lips were cracked and pink from lack of moisture, his soft skin seemed dry and coarse, paler and rougher than it should have been; the stark scent of dust and ozone overpowered his jasmine-perfume. What am I even doing to myself? He scoffed and splashed his face with water, massaging his eyes with myrrh to hide his dark circles; grabbing a bowl of cashews and candied fruits and a cup of ginger tea, he stepped into the balcony.
Chapter 8:
It was there that Mey found his dearest, sitting in the shade of the stables, trimming the hooves of his horse with care, every now and then whispering ašte, ašte, as he shaped his hooves. These last few months had been kind to Vil: his skin had regained its light-olive glow, his hair was longer and silkier much, and his eyes bore a spark that well-spoke of his return to Life; his lean form was well-toned now that he’d taken care to exercise and eat well – slender and lean, yet bursting with hidden strength, his chiselled form glistening with sweat that dripped down his tapered chin, his supple limbs far too thin for how strong he was. Once that he saw Mey, he turned to him with a warm smile, his silver eyes sparkling like moonlit streams.
I guess so.
EDIT: wrong excerpt.
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Seriously. Not funny.
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I know.
GIve me money, I’ll go buy some private jokes.
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No.
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Then suffer my government memes.
A horse walked into a bar, the bartender said “why the long face?” The horse didn’t understand anything.
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Oh come on! I’ve seen AO3 fanfiction with better prose than this! The flowery descriptions tell a tale of someone who took their English teacher’s catchphrase “Show, not tell,” a little too seriously.
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Ah! Unfortunately, the whole book is this. I think it’s best if you read it with drums beating and eerie chanting in the background.
They rode in silence for a while then, allowing birdsong to sate their souls. The light of Sun, filtered through the forest-roof, fell dappled upon the ferny floor, drawn to beams of platinum-blonde by the billowing deepwood-mist. Here and there a macaque darted, watching the host with curious eyes, though the men paid no heed to them, pressing deeper into the woods.
“So how far is it to that blasted lair?” Aeresil groaned, “assuming our trek is true and fast and without delay, that is.”
“'Tis a three-day trek to the mouth of the Valley,” Mey answered, reviewing his maps, “most of it should be swift and fair, but the last six leagues, I cannot say.”
Vil scoffed, “if only the Forest-Lord had the courtesy to maintain his roads.”
The Twins chuckled, “Lord Sarmäcil, ask ye not a dragon to cleave to Logic and Reason, least of all Lord Caravir the Conservative, who sees us as little more than the shrew-things our ancestors were!”
Mey offered a dainty smile, then suppressed his mirth and grimly spoke, “in sooth, the path we take is a postern-road. The marchway leads to Dragonhall: a mountain-top mead-hall, built in Elder Days by Aralon the Great, hailed be he, for those who wish to avoid this road. And that road is well-built, aye: it has cobblestone paths and electric lights and telegraph-lines, and so much more indeed!”
“And, pray tell – why are we not taking that?” Vareth said with a grumble.
“It is under siege by cultists,” Mey answered, “we are sent a force to oust them, but they are strong and evade capture at every turn. A great swarm of spiders and fell-bats supplements their skeleton-hordes, and their shadow-priests are full of cunning.”
“Oh dear,” Garamond gasped, “how did I not know? But a month ago, I passed by Dragonhall with six hundred men; they could have done much to beleaguer the foe.”
“No one knew anything of it, Comrade Garamond,” Mey sighed, “we suspect 'tis for a mole: one who deletes our messages midway, replaces them – renders the eyes of the Sky Tower blind! Naught that is said o’er telegram, thus, can we hope to trust in sooth.”
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Wattpad is gonna hate me
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Narby can tell you yes or no.
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Narby already knows my new story idea 
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Then it’s good, no need to worry about anything else.
“Perform your duty, but don’t sit idle waiting for the fruits of your actions. That will come on its own.” – BG 2:47
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Yay for environmental chaos 
(sarcasm. It’s the bad kind of chaos.)
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My gf accidentally got not hers but herabusive ex’s mail. The landlord fucked up and registered them together in our apartment
come on. Do your homework. Not only are they horrible, they haven’t lived there in YEARS.
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Wow. I wonder how that happened. Did the person never get anything in mail for so long?
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No 
Idk. My gf kicked them out a while ago and then told the landlords but idk what happened after. I just know she was so fucking upset about it that she almost had a meltdown and told me to never mention it again 
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Oof, I wonder how bad it was then. But from what I know about your girlfriend from you, I guess quite a lot.
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yeah, it was baaaaad. i’m not gonna say any more about it tho. just, it was BAD.
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okay THAT is peak humor.
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