I’m trying to figure myself out because truthfully, I have moments where I think I’m demisexual, and moments where I don’t think I am, and moments where I think I’m ace. I understand it’s a spectrum so I could literally be anything at this point and shouldn’t get caught up in labels, but I’d like to understand myself a little better.
So a bit about me… I don’t necessarily get sexual attraction. Like, I can think someone looks cute and want to be in a relationship with them, but I don’t really look at people and be like, “Man, I’d love to sleep with you.” The only person I’ve only ever thought that with is a guy who doesn’t know I exist… Tom Hiddleston. Because honestly, I’d marry that man in a heartbeat. But with the general population? Absolutely not. Usually it’s “I’d love to call you my boyfriend/husband” to “Um… can you hug me and never let go?” So that right there makes me question it because my sisters think about sex a lot. Then again, they have a high libido whereas I do not… necessarily.
I’m a 26 year old virgin, but I’ve never really thought about sex in that way. Like, I’ve wondered what it’s like and sometimes have fantasies, but it’s not like I’m crazy about it like most are. And if I ever had a boyfriend, I’d consider having sex or might want to if perhaps I do feel connected, but truthfully, I’m on the line of “I don’t really care” and “ew, sex is gross.”
The other thing is masturbation. While I deny it to family because that is really embarrassing and makes me feel weird because yes, unfortunately my sisters have asked such questions and they’re oddly open with me, I actually do masturbate. Now, I’ve read that aces and demis do masturbate, some more so than others, because it’s like an itch you need scratching. And to me, that’s exactly how I feel. I masturbate roughly once or twice a week, depending, but I consider it as an itching need. But sometimes I feel as though you’re not part of the spectrum because it’s still a sexual thing… right?
HOW DO YOU KNOW?