i have a very very awkward question that i'd appreciate if only 16+ answered please :))

so i… have a bit of an awkward question. it’s not actually all that awkward, i just tend to overexaggerate because that’s my kinda thing–an overexaggerating king- okay, I’m rambling. so, basically, background:

i’m asexual. very, very asexual. i wouldn’t know absolutely anything abt sexual attraction unless i woke up one day and it quite literally slapped me right in the face. with that being said, my amazing writer self decided to create a character who meets the love interest and is instantly very much sexually attracted to him.

are you seeing my dilemma yet?

anyway, i’m not asking for anything too invasive. i don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but i would like to accurately describe without seriously butchering this and seeming unexperienced and over the top. bc, as you probably already picked up, i have no idea what i’m writing here.

i think i just need ?? thoughts ?? like what’s the first thing you think when you see someone you’re attracted to. how constant are the feelings and do they come back if you see them over and over again?

i’d really appreciate if only 16+ answered this, and just to make responders more comfortable as well, I’m 16 (nearly 17) so if you don’t feel comfortable answering this bc of my age, i completely understand and respect that.

EDIT: People seem to be getting confused as to what I’m asking here. I don’t want romantic attraction or anything about love, I’m mainly questioning sexual attraction which is very different from romantic attraction.

My main question, though phrased different, is basically asking: What is your first thought when you see a very attractive stranger?

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bookmarks this thread since I also am fairly clueless as well


If you are attracted to someone, you want to see them all the time.

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I have questions.

Is there one thing in the world you enjoy doing? How does this one thing make you feel? Does it calm you, or does it make your heart race?(Like driving fast, or riding a roller coaster). Do you ever wish that you could do this one thing all the time? When you are working/ going to school/ whatever you do with your day- do you wish to be doing this one thing? Are there other things that remind you of this one thing?

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I very much enjoy writing. It literally is my entire personality. It’s frustrating, sometimes makes me cry. It can be calming, but most the time it depends on the scene I’m writing. Heart race? I do not think so. I do actually write all the time, even though my brain hates me for it, but yeah pretty much. Always wanna write and whatnot, since it is–again–my entire personality. And everything reminds me of writing. Literally everything.


You think of it as your safe place. :slight_smile:

so, sexual attraction(and this is just my opinion) is like riding that roller coaster or going very fast in a car. The love- the safe place- comes after the sweaty palms, and the heart racing. So, will your character just have sex with him, or does she fall in love with him, too?

(If you’re a reader, the anticipation of getting a brand new book from your favorite author could compare)
Scents are important. people are drawn to certain scents. that plays in sexual attraction as well.
You write, so do you like the smell of paper? New notebooks? Do you have to urge to fill them full of words?
I’m trying to find a comparison for you because for me, if I can relate it to something I know, I can write it. :slight_smile:


@susannaevanspfw makes a good point about what it is exactly you are trying to write. Sexual encounters based on pure lust or based on love are two different things. Especially in the beginning.

The sexual attraction itself though is… a genuine attraction. You’re drawn to each other. You want to touch, kiss, roam your hands all over their body and them to do the same to you. But it all builds up. You keep wanting more. More kissing, more touching, more closeness. It’s all in attraction and the need to be as close to this person as you humanly possibly can. That’s the build-up, until at one point you lose control and then the act itself happens until you ‘burst’ with the sensation of it, and only then are you able to calm down again. And than its mostly relaxation, happines and satisfaction that you’re feeling.

Or at least that is how it SHOULD be :wink:


I have no crushes rn, but I can say that I am totally boy crazy. I’m kind of evil too since I wanted every single guy who had a crush on me stay that way, even if I know they had no chance. I stopped because that’s way too evil (I broke two of the boy’s heart :()

I’ll describe how I feel when I used to have a crush.

A crush on a person you’re not friends makes you feel bubbly. Like, I used to have a crush on someone in church, and I would always pay attention to him and everytime he looked at me, I get very excited. It was the same thing over and over again. He looked at me?! OMG!! Does this mean he likes me? (No lmao)

A crush on your friend is completely different, especially if you’re a girl and he’s a guy. Almost everytime, a guy friend will like you back. The same case with this kid; he had a crush on me, and I had a crush on him. We would flirt and stuff like that. I wouldn’t be too nervous to talk to him since. . . he was my friend. dUH. Having a crush on a friend felt no different from him as a friend you never had a crush on, except you two actually do like eachother. I’m going to say it again: a lot of flirting.


I appreciate the sentiment, but the answers I was looking for here wasn’t crush based or anything. Thank you tho :))

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I mean they’re the same thing kind of. I always wanted to see them again, and hope they notice me. :slight_smile:


25 here. I’ve only been with one person and we met online so our relationship was a little unconventional. But you can kind of tell when you’re sexually attracted to someone if there is a quality that physically excites you. Going to blur some things but I apologize for sounding like a cliched mature novel for a moment lmao

What I mean by physically is that you might feel some discomfort because you have a need that needs to be satisfied. The feeling of arousal manifests itself in different ways - flushing of the skin, feelings of immense warmth, etc. In terms of thoughts, everyone is different. Sometimes the need to do it turns into a hunger and it’s the only thing you can concentrate on. Some people fixate on a body part that turns them on. Others imagine that attractive person tending to their sensitive spots (the neck is where it’s at tbh).

There’s like a desire that overwhelms you and encourages you to keep having those types of thoughts because the idea of it sounds pleasurable and you need the release. It’s a feeling of great pleasure since you’re releasing a lot of endorphins.

The feelings can come back, depending on the person. Some people are into the quick and easy one-night stand where the feelings only exist because they haven’t experienced that level of intimacy in a while. If it’s a stranger who has a quality that someone likes in a partner (like the color of their eyes), then it’s possible for those feelings to come back. Actually committing to the act is very personable so some individuals have trouble of letting go of those feelings. It just depends on the type of character you’re creating.

I’m a bit more reserved since I wasn’t allowed to start dating until college really so I wouldn’t think I want to jump a stranger, especially since I’m in a relationship. But again, everyone has a different reaction.

I hope you find this helpful!

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