i have come to the conclusion that i will never be the beauty standard.

i go to a mostly white school while being a goth nonbinary black femme kid (which is already very hard to do) and today i have come to the conclusion that i will most likely be alone for a very long time.

i am not the beauty standard. i will never be a pretty person in the eyes of me peers; i don’t wear trendy clothing and don’t listen to the same music my peers do (not in a “not like other girls” way. i listen to music other than goth music lmao). i’m midsize. i’m not a size zero at all.

my body is shaped weird; i have noticeable hip dips and my body is 96% stretch marks. i have discoloration around my mouth and my hands are rough and cut up from accidents i’ve had.

there’s two large scars on my back and chest that are very noticeable and it makes me self conscious about it. they’re ugly and i wish i had never been born with such a birth defect at all (this has also made me chest shaped a bit weird).

my experiences navigating the world of romance and beauty have been weird, per say. i don’t consider myself a beautiful person whatsoever. i think i’m ugly most of the time.


You’re not the only one. I’m transmasculine, overweight, have acne even as a 27 year old adult, have scars and stretch marks, am shaped funny, have crooked teeth and an oddly shaped mouth, etc… The list goes on for all the things that will never be conventionally attractive. But the nice thing is, there are people that have very different ideas on what is attractive than what is the social standard. There’s going to be someone out there that finds you attractive. And even if you never meet them, it doesn’t matter because beauty is not nearly as important as hollywood and corporations trying to make a profit off of your insecurities would like you to believe. Personally, I’m far more attracted to personalities than bodies anyways. Bodies grow old and get damaged. People are not their bodies. You are not ugly.


Very sorry that you feel this way. I thought you should know that societal beauty standards are a joke. All those photos are fake, edited, photoshopped and filtered to the point they look nothing like the original. All those models you see starve themselves to look that way and are very very unhealthy people, and even then their photos are still heavily edited to look that way. The beauty industry is one of the BIGGEST lies in society and, really, they accomplish nothing other than making people feel exactly the same way you do now.

Here’s the thing, though. You are beautiful because you’re unique. You are the only you there ever is, was or will be. People tell you that you look bad? That’s not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on them and on the things society has taught. That goes for romance, too (which, honestly, is just as overrated as beauty standards).

Everyone’s bodies are different and unique, and that’s why they’re all beautiful. So you don’t look like the conventional standard of beauty. So what? Those are fake anyway; something society made up to get more money and sell more products at the expense of people’s welfares.

Anyone who has told you you’re ugly is wrong. There are people who find you attractive just like there are people out there for who you are. Your body is your body. Own that shite. Just because you don’t fit the conventional standards doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful in the eyes of those who actually care about you.

And, on top of all that, what even is beauty? Everyone has their own idea on what it is, and a lot of those don’t fit the conventional standards, so it really doesn’t accomplish anything worrying about what other people think about how you look. You look the way you look because it’s the way you look. And it sounds like you look gorgeous


How ever ugly you think you are, at least you’ll never look like these three


I’m sorry you feel this way, and I hope some day you can see the beauty in yourself. :sadhug:

Although, you’re not the only one to feel such a way. I’ve always struggled with my insecurities and self-esteem issues. I’m nearly twenty-six and hate just about everything about my body and myself.

I’m super short (4’11), so that alone is horrible. I’m obese, and the way my body looks is horrific. Like, I technically only have one roll—I have a roll under my boobs and then my stomach which goes from my waist (my midsize, I guess it’s called?) all the way over my thighs and fupa. My boobs are massive (like the size of my whole head/face) and finding clothes that not only fit me but are flattering is a mess. I’m also super hairy. Like, I have hair everywhere… a beard, a mustache, nearly a unibrow going, chest and stomach hair, etc. and it’s clearly visible because I have black hair. Speaking of hair, my actual hair (on my head) is super curly, frizzy, and unmanageable. I’m a white person, but I grew up in a family of women who only had straight, thin hair that they could do anything with. My hair? Nope. None of us know what to do with it, and I’ve been to hair stylists in the past where they didn’t know what to do with it either because their main client had straight hair. :confused: On top of this, I have a really weird voice and my mouth moves in weird ways because I guess (according to Google, but I don’t know anymore lol) I have less facial muscle in my mouth…? So like, if I smile with my teeth and don’t try to keep it straight, my lips move sideways… so I’m so self-conscious about it that I hardly ever smile with teeth and when I do, I only show my upper teeth (because it’s my bottom lip that goes sideways). And due to my obesity and always looking down, I’ve developed a hunchback (sort of, I guess it’s called a Dowager’s Hump) which I’m also super self-conscious about because it’s super noticeable and makes me look like a freak.

So, I am not the beauty standard either. And I’ve also never been in a relationship… partly for personal reasons and partly because I’ve never truly had someone who liked me. Most guys in school never looked at me that way because I was never attractive enough. And any time I tried to see if they did (due to mixed signals or because I had a crush on them), they bullied me, saying I was ugly and that no one would ever like me. Which honestly, didn’t help my self-esteem either… just made it worse.

I’ve struggled with this myself, along with depression which contributes to it, for roughly 13+ years… and even though I still struggle with it, I am trying to find parts of myself that I love so one day, I don’t have to feel this empty and hurt inside, so one day, I can look in the mirror and truly see how beautiful I am.

At this point in my life, though, the only way for me to feel beautiful is when I dress up. Makeup, hair fresh from a shower, and a cute outfit. Doing this makes me feel better about myself, even if it’s for a moment, but a moment is all I need for the day because I can take pictures and sometimes, I can look through them and say, “Wow, I look really nice here.” And to me, this is growth, because I can finally see beauty in myself.

But sometimes, I try to be positive with these negative thoughts, and think about this moment in Spongebob:


Y’know, as someone who theoretically is the beauty standard…it’s really not all that it’s cracked up to be. I won’t deny that it’s given me an insane amount of privilege—the halo effect is real and it’s insane—but it never stopped me from being depressed. It made life easier, but it never really made life fulfilling. It’s like that feeling after you achieve a long term goal. It’s hollow. It’s empty.

Life lived on appearance is superficial. What does make life living? I can’t really answer, but it’s not what someone looks like. Your individuality matters far more; some of the prettiest people I’ve seen were the most repulsive, simply because they were narcissistic and self-centred. Those attracted only to beauty are shallow. They aren’t worth your time. The best people I know are those who were seeking other individuals they could connect with on an emotional level; appearance was always secondary. And, in the end, they were the only people ever worth keeping.


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