Is it?

Is it weird to have a character who doesn’t like their own kid and sees them as a kinda hindrance? But the grandparents like the kid cause he’s not like his dad?


That’s not weird at least to me.

What about it is weird to you? Have you never written a character like that so it seems weird to you?


I’ve heard real news stories like that, so it’s not weird at all.


That’ll be me if I had a kid. Thank f I can’t/won’t.


Never written a character like that before lol.

In local news?

Fair enough.

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Might be local for you, idk.

News from either USA or Australia, can’t remember.


Oh, sounds like Florida Mom level stuff lol.

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That is about a 3rd the bad parents in any angsty teen book.

What is rare is seeing that from the parent’s perspective and watching the parent struggle to still be a parent.


No, this definitely happens in real life, unfortunately. One of my grandparents was temporarily sold for a case of beer as an infant and I know too many people who were basically raised by their grandparents, or who basically raised their younger siblings, because of shitty parenting. Blood is evidently not the strongest of bonds.

If you want a media example to look at, you can try Jo Wilson from the more recent seasons of Grey’s Anatomy. Uh, TWs for her story though: DV, SA, severe depression


Oh yeah I was gonna tell this from the POV of the parent.

Okay thanks. I will check that out and it sucks that one of your grandparents were sold for a case of beer. Was this in Ireland?


The relationships are very complex. But grandparents are normally far more forgiving than parents because they don’t feel the same acute anxiety about the future, the same sense of urgency or feeling of failure. People usually hit the lowest times in their life emotionally in the 40’s across cultures and boundaries, and part of it is surviving the projected future for the kid, until kid settles into adult live of some stability. Kids who looked like they are bright and will have it all going for them start falling behind or delay moving up in the success ladder, and the time is running out on the parents to fix things, plus fixing things becomes impossible… so, very normal to feel like you really shouldn’t have had a kid or will be saddled with a dysfunctional adult for the rest of your life and it’s all your own fault.

As a mother of a teen, I had never been less infatuated with an idea of having a child, not even when I was a teen myself and swore I was born to be a spinster.

But grandparents? For them, everyone is a baby and timeline isn’t short. They already forgotten how long it took you to get the heck out of their hair. It’s like women forget the true pain of labour.


I mean, being a parent is a complex thing. Depends how you write it, because I went through severe severe post natal depression and though I never hated my child, I kind of had this fear of what the hell have I done I’m not good enough for this in a seriously harmful way.
I have heard stories from a family friend who’s a foster parent, of women who go through PND or psychosis and truly do hate their child. But when they’re better, they no longer feel it.
I’m not currently depressed, but my child has been seriously challenging lately and I have had days where he’s tipped me over the edge of sanity and I go to the toilet for a breather (I literally stand there and breathe for two minutes lol) and I think to myself that he’s a serious hindrance, but then after those 2 mins, the feeling goes away.

Kids are annoying, no doubt about it.

But I assume you’re writing about a parent who seriously regrets it. I’m sure there are people out there with real life stories about it, but I would assume most non-mentally-ill parents who think that would’ve put the child up for adoption first?

IDK for me it’s about the plot. But it wouldn’t be weird I think some parents also just don’t like being parents until the kids reach a certain age. Like I loved the newborn phase, this part where he’s about to start school and he’s continuously bored of everything, I hate it :rofl: My husband didnt like the two year old phase, I didnt mind it.

Parenting is weird, thats my sum up XD

As for grandparents, for me they were my second parents (like I was with them all the time, they helped raise me cause my parents worked A LOT) and they were just perfect. The thing about grandparents is they get to treat them (in my mother in laws case, fill my son up with sugar!) and then hand them back. that and theirs were babies a LONG time ago in most cases, so they just forget how hard it is


they got him back ¯_(ツ)_/¯

nah it was in Canada, on one of the cree reserves. i won’t say which bc that feels like too much information to put on the internet but i know it was one of them and i know they all had alcohol problems.

one of my other great-grandparents was irish tho. lots of alcoholism in my ancestry :thinking: :joy:


OOF. Am glad he got back though.

Yeah, same here. And I know one of my uncle’s friends died recently from alcoholism.


oh no, i’m sorry to hear that


There’s a huge number of people who see Indians, especially Indians still on there reservation as drunks. Dad was concerned I’d pick up that attitude because my family didn’t drink much at all when we were kids.

But down here, the Houmas tribe and typical Cajuns drink the same amount. Now, people down here usually pass out in their own yards, but up north, passing out in the snow or in the median got the cops called on you.

The big difference is that we are social drinkers down here–thwt was less common up north.


Indians are from India, we’re Native, eh? :joy:

i’m not sure the difference is that the american south is more social about drinking so much as it is that you’ll die if you pass out in the snow here lol. and regardless of how social and socially acceptable it is where you live, if you drink yourself to cirrhosis and cancer and keep going, you have a problem.

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Well, Indians from India are Native and Indigenous, to their own locality, for the value of that. I usually use NA ONLY because it’s confusing because India exists, but the A has to be there because N is for all people native to their locality. But if we’re going to get upset with “outside names”, NA doesn’t work either because America is directly a colonizer name from Amerigo Vespucci. There is no difference in the inherent level of insult to use either name, so it’s a long discussion on who is insulted by what just to hold a conversation.

I’ve got an ancestor from the Mi’kmaq, as most Cajuns do. That trace ancestry pops up in such a way as to have some people look like they are more NA than they are. As far as that tribe is concerned, it’s not ammount of blood, it’s culture, so some people who were raised Mi’kmaq have no ancestry, while I wouldn’t be recognized. Houmas are the until very recently unrecognized tribe that the Cajuns moved in with, when we went to Louisiana after expulsion from Canada. I’m not sure they are Federally recognized, but they are at the State level.

And it’s important to see where I’m placed because those with enough ancestry or are otherwise accepted but don’t live the lifestyle are those who tend to dislike removing Indian, while those who are culturally involved tend to dislike it a lot. I’m further removed, and don’t really have personal stance.

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it was a joke, moon naamii, ain’t nobody upset. in Canada we use First Nations, Metis, and Inuit anyways. NA is a united states term therefore that is a US problem and i don’t care about it.

that’s a lot of words for someone with no personal stance.

I’m glad it was. You have no idea how many times I get fussed for being old like this. Lmao

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