So here’s my dillemma: Idk how to write pick-up lines, at least without them casting my character as a creepy guy.
So, my love interest is supposed to have a big sense of humor, and he constantly flirts with my M.C. just to tease her.
But I feel like everything I write is so incredibly… creepy.
How on earth do I go about making this guy have a personality? And give him pickup lines framed in a way that aren’t completely cringe-worthy and sound creepy?
I mean, pickup lines are supposed to by cringy and cheesy, but I don’t want them in a way that makes him seem… less than decent.
The only one the comes to mind is “Are you Verdun? Because you’re blazing hot!”
Note: Verdun is the site of possibly the worst battle of WW1 and is considered show of great resilience by the French who “won” it.
Here’s more on it if you’re curious: https://www.britannica.com/event/Battle-of-Verdun
I know it’s possibly the darkest one you’ll be offered, but consider if it fits anyway.
That sounds like an explosive pick up line.
Except that I’m writing high fantasy, so WW1 never happened in this world. But thanks!
I’ll check that out, it sounds interesting
I know so many cringy pick up lines.
Well, I think first you have to imagine your character and give him a personality. Like you say he has humor. But what kind of humor? Is he a joker all the time or can he be serious too? Does he flirt with her constantly or is this only in certain scenes? Does she flirt back or not?
I have a character who’s quite serious but he’s well-spoken. He doesn’t flirt to flirt but when he does it with the right woman it’ll come naturally.
Maybe give us some examples of what you’ve written and then we can go from there to help you. Maybe what you write isn’t as bad as you think
Thanks, this is food for thought- I’ll think on it, definitely!
Hello embarrassment my old friend
Here it is:
Before I can lift my gaze up to the trees, I feel a strange whoosh of air above me, accompanied by a startled squawk.
And then, I’m slammed against the ground, the weight of an airborne person crashing into me. I scream as we both collapse, and Aspen’s slender hands dart out to grab my shoulders before my head breaks against the forest floor.
My hands come up against a pair of shoulders, and my eyes fly open to meet a pair of startled brown ones, reminding me strikingly of a deer caught in the midst of a hunting party. Shock waves through my body, and I suddenly can’t find it in me to move. The second that we’re on the floor seems to enclose an eternity, and the boy seems frozen too. Until his lips curve into a mischievous grin, and he raises an eyebrow at me.
“I mean, usually the girls are the ones falling for me, but I guess I am quite the catch,”
I wrinkle my nose, and the spell is broken.
Aspen’s a S.C., fyi (if that wasn’t apperant)
Also for referance, they’re in a forest and Jack (boy who fell out of the tree) was up in the tree because he thought they were part of the Nendili tribe of elves (a vicious tribe who hates humans)
Hahaha I love how it’s written. And the pick-up line is fun too! I think you are doing pretty good
I can’t wait to edit it though, lol
I think I know what I’m going to do to understand Jack’s personality better, I’m going to write scenes from his pov as well, for practice. I think this will help me
That is actually a great idea! I might try this too
Haha, well I think that’s just lovely. You don’t have to doubt yourself about the pick-up lines. I think it works It’s funny and cute, not creepy at all
and indeed, working from his POV is a good idea to get to know his personality better.
You’re doing a great job
Thank you, you’re so sweet!
Yeah, I’m going to try it! I’m excited to get to know him better!
Guys who use pickup lines unironically make me cringe, but people ironically using cheesy pickup lines is pretty endearing.