I’ll admit, I’m not as super involved in the WW community as I could be, so I don’t know if it’s odd for me to make this post and ask this question here, especially since I know this is a writing community. But with the few posts I’ve responded to and seen about ADHD, both here and on other websites, I have a question and it feels… a lot less intimidating to ask it here LMAO.
I started stimulants back in June and we upped the dose at the beginning of September. I spent most of the month adjusting to the change, but halfway through, I noticed that I was focusing better when it came to learning. I went from not understanding most of what I was learning when it came to… anything and taking months just to process things, to learning so much about my hobbies, random little facts, or just things I was interested in, etc.
Well, I noticed from the very beginning that I’m great at focusing. I can get things done when I want to get them done, I can plan things out a lot better than I used to be able to, and over all everything feels a lot easier… but I can only do it with things I’m interested in. I’m still struggling with my school. And it’s not because I can’t focus, but because I just… don’t want to do it. Which I’ve always struggled with, but it would lead to focus issues and stuff. And it’s not like I’m just not doing it simply because I don’t want to, it’s more like… I can’t do it because I don’t want to.
Another thing I’ve noticed my tolerance for social interaction has dropped majorly which means even just spending a couple hours around people has me laying in my room or doing something calming to recover. Staying the night at someone’s house is so… draining and overwhelming to a point where I can’t be around people or do anything until I’ve gotten used to being back at home. And I’ve always struggled with overstimulation, but lately it feels like it’s a lot easier for me to get overstimulated. I went from dealing with it once or twice a month to a couple times a week LMAO
There’s… so much more I could explain, even stuff from before my diagnosis, but to avoid writing a novel-length Topic I won’t dive much more into it.
So, to get to the point, every day I’m still learning about ADHD, which it could just be aspects of my ADHD that are more present now that I’m being medicated, but I’ve also been looking heavily into AuDHD for… well, for months, because the more I learn about it, the more I find myself… relating? From childhood up until now. I tried to talk about it with my therapist, and she didn’t shut me down, she told me she’d be willing to explore it if it’s smthn I want to do, but because I have a history of trauma, she spent most of the time explaining that trauma can present in a way that’s confused for autism even though they are still different. And she told me that I should try to figure it out by digging deep, so to speak, and figuring out why some of these things occur. Like, is it because of my trauma, or is it something that’s just… me. Did I still struggle with these things before my trauma or only after, etc.?
Which is confusing in itself because the trauma-inducing thing started before I was two years old, so the trauma responses have sort of… always been present. There is no ‘before the trauma’ for me.
And that’s not to say that any of what I explained is related to ADHD or autism, it could even be something else entirely, but it has been something I’ve wanted to discuss with more people in both the ADHD and Autistic communities, or the AuDHD community, just to have another perspective, I suppose.
Basically, how would I be able to identify… my “core” aspects (as my therapist described it)? Is this just one of the expected or typical experiences with ADHD meds? I feel like I’m at the right dosage, but maybe I’m not? I don’t really know how it’s meant to feel. I just know that the goal was to be able to focus on school, get things done, but it really feels like the only thing I’m able to do is spend more time on things that distracted me in the first place LMAO
And I want to emphasize this didn’t just start after starting meds. There’s stuff related to social things, heavy masking, intense interests, and more, that I’ve struggled with/experienced my entire life… I just always find a way to write it off as my trauma and my anxiety disorder, or something else, so it’s come to a point where I’m too caught up in how it wouldn’t be to consider if it could be. And I don’t have anyone from my childhood that I can ask and rely on to answer honestly.
Also, reading this back, this sort of comes off a little awkward and might be a bit confusing. I apologize for that — I’m really tired and need a nap