Wattys season is here again and while I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish my book in time, I might as well have the bones of my logline and summary if I do finish it. Please rate my log line and summary and feel free to comment any suggestions/corrections you have!
Best friends Imani and Kuhë find their lives disrupted when Imani is chosen by Aina, the god of land, to defeat his enemy, Daekan.
During the journey to Aina’s shrine, they have a verbal fight which leads Kuhë to skin her friend in a bout of paranoia in order to steal the mark of Aina on Imani’s palm, and believing she killed Imani. When Imani miraculously survives and confronts Kuhë at Aina’s shrine, both women must overcome old grudges and put aside their differences to confront the traitorous god who has been lying to them from the start, and save their lives from his trickery.
Two friends set out on a quest to help a god defeat his immortal rival, but when the line between ally and foe is blurred, they must decide whether their god is worth fighting for, or if he is the enemy they must defeat.
Log Line Poll: On a scale of 1(absolutely awful) to 10 (very good!), what would you rate it?
Summary Poll: On a scale of 1(absolutely awful) to 10 (very good!), what would you rate it?
Maybe expand your summary and make clear how the piece ends. Are they friends, do they succeed etc. And the log line is pretty good. Maybe take out ‘or if he is the enemy they must defeat’ because it is pretty evident that that is the alternative from reading ‘whether their god is worth fighting for’.
The logline is basically fine. But I see a way to improve it (probably )
Two friends start a quest to help their land’s god to defeat his immortal enemy. But when the line between ally and foe blurs, they must decide where the truth lies. Their god may not have told them the whole story.
What do you think?
This blurb needs some attention. The logline promised two good friends, but here you talk about old grudges and one almost killing the other. I may have a weird feeling from it due to all of those names. It feels overcrowded. I’ll tackle it here too I’ll base it on what I know from the blurb, so it may not represent the reality as close as it should
Best friends, Imani and Kuhe, find their friendship town part when the god of their land, Aina, chooses Imari to be his soldier to defeat the god’s greatest enemy, Daekan. Imari accepts it with pride, but her friends turn paranoid. Kuhe ambushes Imani on her way to the temple, skinning the mark of the chosen.
With the emblem, Kuhe enters the temple, but Imari survived and now, in front of their land’s god, they must mend their torn friendship. However, Daeken may not be their only enemy.
I still feel this one is too “overcrowded”. Let’s try to switch the perspective a bit.
Imani lived simple but happy life alonsgide her best friend. However, all came to an end when she is chosen by Aina, their land’s god, to be his soldier in a war against his immortal enemy. Inami accepts with pride in her heart, but her friend shows a treacherous face, being controled by her envy and greed. After almost dying by her hand, Imani reaches Aina’s shrine to confort her friend.
However, time is against them, and they must find a way to heal their bond. And their quest may not be as simple as it seemed, as Aina hasn’t told them the whole story.
So, how about those two? I hope they help to spark some inspiration