So, tell me, what's your mood been like these days?

A combination of two threads I’ve made, only this is more focus on mood and how you’re feeling overall. You can go into detail or if you choose to state one word comment that is fine too!

If there’s somethings you rather not share, you can always hide it in spoilers or something. The goal is just for you to state your feelings and how your mood has been so far.

We can talk about it, and you can gain some feedback/helpful advice from friends. We can all benefit from talking to one another in a friendly manner, while getting the sense of knowing that we aren’t truly alone.

We may not be the best of the best, but it’s nice to have someone listen and show they care.

So, come here to state your mood and your feelings for the few past days, the whole week, or even the whole month when it gets closer to ending.

Thoughts and feelings?

NOTE: This might belong in another category. If so, please place it there and my apologies.

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I want this thread to gain as much traction as my other thread.

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Honestly, my mood has been all over the place, mainly because of distractions and my mental health and life in general.

So, I don’t have an actual true answer other than it’s all over.

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Dread. Early day tomorrow.

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Right now? I’m exhausted, slightly frustrated. I just did the grocery run and had a kid call me to pick them up from school for being nauseous. (She’s fine, so far.) So this messes with plans. I was going to wrap presents since I could shunt the baby up front, but nooooo.

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Apart from the bestiality and pedophile line.

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My mood’s pretty good right now! Nothing significant to complain of. A little sad after watching Little Women. Omg what a depressing movie! It’s too bad Jo in the book/film couldn’t tell Laurie she was a lesbian, since that was evidently the reason the real life author never got married. Did you know she died at 55 from mercury poisoning? What a tragic life! ˓(ˊᘩˋ⋆)

Okay, now I’m depressed… (♯^.^ღ)

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At least she wasn’t poisoned by her nices and nephews with arsenic in order to get inheiretence money.

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Enh, it’s complicated:

" She explained her “spinsterhood” in an interview with Louise Chandler Moulton, saying “I am more than half-persuaded that I am a man’s soul put by some freak of nature into a woman’s body… because I have fallen in love with so many pretty girls and never once the least bit with any man.”[32][33] However, Alcott’s romance while in Europe with the young Polish man Ladislas “Laddie” Wisniewski was detailed in her journals but then deleted by Alcott before her death.[34][35] Alcott identified Laddie as the model for the character Laurie in Little Women .[36]

So it isn’t that there was never a male, but that the real one suited a softer woman than the one modeled off herself, in her writing. The issue is that as she got older, she preferred younger men…so if she liked women, her interactions with males were more scandalous, at the time.

Something else to keep in mind is that the civil war killed a lot of contemporary men, so it was harder for women to marry. It’s the same time that Mormonism took off (due to women desperate enough for a husband that they’d join a cult and split the dude between them).

Unmarried men were a commodity, and she was definitely an oddity for the era.

But quotes like this are always weird to place:

“I like boys and oysters raw; so, though good manners are always pleasing, I don’t mind the rough outside burr which repels most people, and perhaps that is the reason why the burrs open and let me see the soft lining and taste the sweet nut hidden inside.”

In general, it seems she went for the age gap so no one could force her to marry. That fantasy shows more in her romances under a pen name: A. M. Barnard, Flora Fairfield, Tribulation Periwinkle, L. M. A and possibly under E. H. Gould.

Sounds like any Regency (is Victorian, though):
https://www.boswellbooks.com/book/9781628342338#:~:text=Behind%20a%20Mask%20by%20AMERICAN,graces%20of%20the%20Coventry%20family.

Cousins marrying:
https://www.amazon.com/Abbots-Ghost-Trehernes-Temptation-Christmas/dp/1528714253#:~:text=“The%20Abbot’s%20Ghost”%20is%20an,good%20at%20showing%20his%20appreciation.
Being chased by an obsessed man:
A Long Fatal Love Chase by Louisa May Alcott | Goodreads

If she was lesbian, then she writes hetero relationships the way that straights write LGBTQ literature.

Whatever was going on, I suspect that she couldn’t settle on a label for herself, and just felt out-of-sync with the rest of society. But I would very much hesitate to drop her in “lesbian” “trans” or any of the age labels, either.

What I would be certain of is that she wanted nothing to do with marriage based on the example she had in her own home.

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“What the fuck? How the fuck? Why the fuck?”

Yeah, I think that sums it up well :joy:

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:sweat_smile:

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Oooh, so interesting! Yeah, you’re probably right. I knew absolutely nothing about her before seeing this movie, but I understand now why the book is still so popular. She was sure as heck a fascinating person, now as much as then. I need to go to Gutenberg and Girlebooks to see what books they have by her. I don’t want to read Little Women or its sequels, but some of her other books look intriguing. (*^-‘) 乃

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Well, LW was about the only YA that existed at the time. It was all classified under children’s lit. The 3 links for summaries, those were written for adults, but were considered trashy at the time (which is why she chose an altname). I’ve only read her LW series (Little Women, Little Men, and Jo’s Boys), Jack and Jill, and Eight Cousins.

Jack and Jill is probably my favorite out of them. (recalling about 30 years ago)

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My mood is still all over the place, yet today it’s a bit nervous I want to say.
I have a doctor appointment to learn about my test results, not really looking forward to what the negatives are going to be. However, I desire to know what the next step after that is.

So, I guess a bit worried and chaotic.

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It’s been all over the place, and it started in September.

I was written up, and things changed.

I was promoted during this past summer about doing teen programming. My supervisor at the time had talked with our director and others about my performance because apparently, I wasn’t giving my all? And I was being negative about it? Like, our first D&D club, there was a quiet kid and I made a comment that was basically, “I thought he might’ve thought it was boring.” Supervisor took it as I think it was boring. And then she would say that I wasn’t engaging with the kids, which I tried but no one wants to talk, or when it came to doing things, there were times when I didn’t get up to do something because she did it instantly.

Then… it turned into everyone ganging up on me for no reason. I had been talked to earlier in the year about certain things and in which case, I defended myself and commented how the policy had gray area, and our HR person who was in the room thought I was being rude and insubordinate… when I didn’t even come across that way. Then when it came to posting stuff on our calendar, I had a draft for a program which I had asked about doing s’mores for it and was told by my supervisor “it’d be cool” which I took as a “yes” and kept it on the draft. Then someone else posted the draft as published on our calendars, and our director got mad about it and blamed me for publishing it even though I didn’t… and during that conversation, I, again, defended myself and said that it was a draft and if there is such a thing, it shouldn’t be taken as a final thing, especially when I didn’t even publish it.

But because of all this drama, I got written up for insubordination. I also want to clarify that no one came to me to talk to me about these things. Like, my supervisor didn’t come to me after I said the thing about the program being boring, or about the s’mores thing, or about how I came across at the meeting, or if I wasn’t performing correctly. Because if I had been told, instead of people writing down their secretive notes, getting together to talk about it behind my back, and then putting it together as a write up and calling me in for it, it would’ve been a lot different. I cried, got stressed out, and told family. My family, specifically my mom who is a manager herself and has dealt with these cases, gave me advice which was basically trying to set another meeting to go over it, my feelings, and if it could be revoked. And then also ask for written documentation of that meeting. So I couldn’t get a meeting with everyone, but did with my supervisor and I then sent her an email about that conversation and asking for documentation to recount it as well… and then I got another write up the next day about writing the email, which they said was insubordination.

This write-up also indicated that if I did anything more like these two write-ups, I’d lose my job by November 1st. I was also demoted to being an assistant again, but with the pay the same (thank god) and that if I had improved, my title could be reinstated.

So throughout all of September, even through November, I was stressed out and depressed because I tried to stand up for myself and nothing.

Now, flash forward to December-ish, and they ended up moving me from being an assistant to working in the archives as a coordinator for social media. And I still have the job, so I must be doing something right… but it’s been a struggle because I am bitter about it and after this experience, I just think everyone is fake.

I’m holding on by a thread.

My new title isn’t that bad… I still do teens stuff, but on the assistant side. Now, I take pictures of things or scan archival photos, and write about them like you’d do for journalism. I have a bigger desk and more quiet time, and as the new year rolls around, they want me to try for programs in the heritage center.

A part of this change, I feel, is that they couldn’t find someone for the position considering they were trying to hire for a while for an assistant position dedicated to the archives, but as they started bringing more library assistants in, they thought of me as a writer and moved me down there. I’m not so sure about this, though. A part of me thinks they moved me here because they don’t want me anywhere else…

My brother died…

Then while all of that was happening, my brother dies. The same night of my second write-up/demotion. :upside_down_face:

There’s some issues there because we had a rocky relationship as he was abusive at times (he had anger management issues) and was also an alcoholic, which did not help at all. But he also struggled with deep depression and there were softer sides to him when he was sober. He kept hanging with the wrong crowd, tried to sober up especially after he got shot four times in the chest when he was at a bar, but alcoholism runs in our family’s veins and it’s a tough addiction to get rid of. It also didn’t help that he was poor and had PTSD issues (from getting shot at) that made him not want to leave his home and get a stable job and get his life together.

As I said, he suffered with depression and, especially when drunk, go really deep into it. He’s attempted suicide multiple times in the past, and well, one night, he got super drunk and jumped off a six-story building’s balcony. At the time, police said it was an accident (he posted a video earlier that day trying to do a handstand on the railing because he’s also an idiot who tries stupid things—always has) but we’re not too sure if that’s the case because he posted a sad song on Facebook, and after retrieving his phone from the police, there was a text message that my dad never got (because his phone wasn’t working at the time) about him feeling low and needing to talk. He also tried calling my mom earlier that day but she put him off since she was busy and then forgot about it. And by the time she tried calling back, he was already gone.

The grief is overwhelming because for so long, I didn’t think I would feel this way about him since there were so many times I hated him. But there are waves of sadness that I feel because I am constantly reminded that I don’t have a brother anymore. And all I can think about is how my parents have lost two sons—Dirk, who died at the age of six (before I was born) because of a drunk driver, and Buddy (who was actually named after Dirk; he was supposed to be Dirk’s “buddy.”) after alcoholism and depression.

Not only this, but there has been a lot of death this past year. My little sister lost her friend from suicide, and there was a family in town (she was the headline of the newspaper because she created a Facebook page to help find him, and the page has over 2,000 likes) who had a teen son missing since Thanksgiving but was found yesterday who also died… though there is still an investigation going, so we don’t know if it was suicide or not. Many speculate it might’ve been since his girlfriend broke up with him that same day he went missing. But then there was a witness (a child) who said he was getting beat up by someone. So it also could’ve been murder.

But through all of this, I was suffering through my depression, also having thoughts of suicide and just couldn’t handle it. But I’m trying to work through it.

I’m trying to be hopeful, though…

My sister recently gave birth to the first grandchild, and we’re heading up there tomorrow for Christmas. So that’s something to look forward to.

We’re also wanting to move because we all need out of this dumb town. Trying to be hopeful on that…

I’m taking it one day at a time. It’s been a year, and I’m just done with it.

So, my mood is pretty much bleh.

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Broken…

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Still all over the place.
I hope Saturday at least makes things better for me.

I need to celebrate my now passed birthday at my favorite restaurant because I couldn’t do so weeks ago, because of a nasty cold.

I have good moods and meh moods days.

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Right now, I’m hungry and I feel a hanger coming on.

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Fair. Just fair.

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