TW: 18+, questions about double standards, s** femD stereos

So, maybe this needs to go in Venting instead of All-Wellness, but this is also asking so idk. If it needs to move, sorry mods! :confused:

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, CHECK OUT THE TWs. ALSO IF YOURE UNDER 18 AND/OR DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC THAN PLEASE GO TO ANOTHER THREAD.

TW: abuse,sexual assault, double standards, stereotypes, BDSM

Still here? Okay, buckle in cause this is a heluva ramble.

Intro

Uhh, so I write a lot of abusive scenarios. Like, a lot. I enjoy digging deep into a person’s psyche and torturing them mercilessly, through any means possible. I also am partial towards forcing characters into identities that don’t define them, forcing them to figure out who they are while they fight against the society around them. The more stark, horrific, and violent, the better. I’m not joking when I saw that pyscho thrillers and horror are my favorite genre.

And I think some times, in some ways, writing an abusive, horrifying scenario can actually be cathartic for shit you’re going through/have been through.
Have I written and/or ruminated on dark, horrific abuse scenes? Yes.
Have I enjoyed it? Mostly yes.

But I always display it as abusive and horrifying. I am extremely upfront about this, there is no mistake in the reader’s mind.

And this is what has spawned this post.

reason why I'm even here having read this stuff

Okay so moment of truth, though small surprise to anyone who really knows me: I have an extremely dark, twisted aggressive side. There are lots of times where I see an opportunity for a jab, a cruel remark, anything to hurt. It’s a practice I’ve had since I was a child, probably some form of defense mechanism. I don’t do it cuz I know actions have consequences, and I honestly don’t want to leave, there are so many good people on here. Also yknow tryna break the cycle a little bit.

Why’d I bring all that up? Oh right to explain why I read really dark, messed up shit like superdark BDSM and forced femnaz and torture porn etc. In my defense, until a couple nights ago I hadn’t gotten really deep but I had some seroius shit so I was like hey why not, and i started checking it out.

(again, putting out the warning to jump ship cuz here’s where it gets fun AKA trigger happy)

I would be lying to say I never enjoyed it.
But I 've always enjoyed it the same way I get from reading/watching a torture scene in a crime thriller. (TW: graphic image? Game of Shadows, when the MC gets fish hooked in the shoulder and his entire body weight is supported on said hook for like 5 full minutes… yeah I rewatched that scene too often.) There’s a really long psychological explanation I could give as to why I enjoy that stuff so much, but that’s neither here nor there. Point is, I enjoy reading it as torture, not as sex, if that makes any sense. To me, I see it as yet another way to destroy a character’s psyche, not as a glamourous exploration of kinks (at least the stuff I read)

But last night, I started to get really bothered by stuff.

I saw a book titled: Perfectly Legal, how to have your very own male slave. Dead serious. Not a story, a literal guide, how-to.

And that hit me really off.

I started looking through femnaz stories from an analytical perspecitve instead of as simply a means to unwind, and I started noticing a lot of things that bothered me so please bear with me as I rant.

Bullet points
  • putting such an emphasis on genitals as what describes someone’s masculinity. I can’t tell you how many times I picked up that phrase and it disgusted me. Your gender is not defined by that, and if you think that then there is something seriously messed up.

  • the antagonists/MCs depending on the POV are always hopelessly one dimensional. Any character who resists change is painted as a mysogynistic mofo. This is messed up, and contradictory cus the male who tries to make a women change and be submissive is painted as evil. I AM NOT CONDONING EITHER, and it gets me sad that the stories don’t make that clear. The reader is expected to be cheering that the woman is forcing the man to change and conform.

  • I’ve also notice more of these being covertly rather homophobic. The empowered women use the f slur a little too comfortably- why do strong women need to shit on other sexual orientations? And they love to torment the changed characters by calling them TW: homophobic sissy queer, as if that is some sort of degradation like WTF?? Also reprogramming someone to be gay?? Like that is the worst other end of the spectrum of so-called corrective rape

  • also the fact that domms are either gorgeous model chicks. Or their “large, older females” that only weak men would enjoy being in love with/controlled by. That’s offensive and body shaming at it’s finest imo.

  • the kinds of scenarios described in some of these stories, if genders were flipped, would be straight up rape and sexual assault. But because it’s a female doing it, that makes it okay and just reclaiming justice and control (I HAVE A FUCKING LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE)

  • and then, the cream of the crop-- the authors refer to the conformed males as she/her.
    This one drives me crazy. What is the point of using femnaz/femdom to flip the script in a cathartic way (putting the power in your own hands in a safe space/exploring a world where gender tropes are flipped), if you refer to the characters who are being abused and tormented as SHE/HER??? That makes no sense to me! You’re only continuing the narrative that females exist to be abused and put in service.

Okay and about the "female doing it and that makes it okay":

WHY DOES SEX HAVE TO BE ABOUT ABUSIVE CONTROL AND PUTTING SOMEONE ELSE THROUGH PAIN FOR YOUR PLEASURE? Not allowing someone to release their own sexual tension or even touch their genitals just as punishment for who they are? AND THAT’S OKAY CUZ ITS A WOMAN DOMMING A MAN?? Is that really how normal people think???

After seeing that book title, I saw a 5-star review for it:
yes, every man should have a mistress, the sooner the better.

Reaction

I stopped and thought, really thought about males in my life/who i knew of and respected, and imagined them being in those situations.

If I had a heart, it would have broken.

Yes, I have dark tendencies I need to control. Yes I have a violent streak that I work on controlling. Yes I fantasize about being cruel, often as a defense mechanism. But I don’t lie to myself and claim I am doing something right or the other person deserves it! (mostly, there are a couple dickheads whose necks I’d like to crack…)

For context, I am a person who for the longest time can read assault and abuse cases without batting an eye, and gets uncomfortable and squeamish reading any decent length healthy, happy sex scenes. I don’t think I’m asexual, I blame that one on my upbringing.

I’ll probably need to step away from those kind of stories for a while. The stereotyping and esp the homophobia really turned me off.

ANYwho, I guess I’ll move this into venting after all cause I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for. Support, advice? Do all people really see sex as a means to control and destroy? (or only procreating but that’s its own story) Is it rational to enjoy something so dark and twisted as seeing a person be tortured and torn down? Do we always have to be torturing the opposite sex/other genders just to show we’re on top???

If you made it all the way through to the end, thanks! Thanks for coming to my TED talk/rant.

I feel kinda bad cause a friend of mine has been trying to help me be more comfortable with myself sexually and not have such a dark attitude towards sex, aand this probably did not help it. I’m addicted to pain of all forms, it happens.

@xtayaxx you said you were interested so…
I wasn’t joking it is really messed up.

I’m worried as fuck that this is in the same vent but let’s dig in

I wrote something about people like this… I’m bias

I recommend therapy before someone throat punches you

Yeah

I appreciate this. A lot of people can’t see outside themselves.

I don’t understand. I’m into bondage but maybe you’re meaning the more Sado part and I won’t yuck your hum but I’m staring very hard :neutral_face:

Lost me.

Same people. People who like torture porn are the same people who are fascinated with serial killers I will die on this hill. The victim isn’t real to them it’s the act that’s so fascinating.

I say this! Lol

I want to know :neutral_face: bring that explanation here guy (it’s meant to be boy but idk what you identify as so guy)

In a horrifyingly fascinating way. This doesn’t feel like a vent it feels like a confession and I have stopped to get chips

Yes the things you mentioned can do that.

Some people like dicks lol

Devils Ad where as there are chicks with… You know… I’ve only met 1 who didn’t have it effected in size by hormones and she was very proud of it so no it doesn’t make them meeeeen but everyone I know likes “Size”

I agree. I had an editor tell me a character has too much going on she can’t possibly dance play basketball be a beauty queen have good grades and mental health issues and I was like… She’s based on me. So…

I think it’s that readers are consider stupid by publishers and are given baby bites

I mean… miso mofos are stubbornly one D and stuck in the past.

Treating women nice and equal doesn’t make them submissive they’re demonized because they’re trying to make someone less than what they are while their counter parts are saying don’t be a dick.

I’ve never seen this. Do you mean fag hags? That’s more about them and less about us like reverse beards they’re weirdos who fetishize a trope of homosexual.

I love this I love you

And explanation depending how it’s used it’s slang. Some people call themselves sissys and twinks to describe if they are T or B I’m personally Queer.

I cackled. I want to read that shit wtf impossible.

Woof this doesn’t read well but I feel you bud

That’s the patriarchy for a strong man would never want a vagina person bossing them around unless he has mommy issues and vice-versa I’m being sacastic people.

You’re entitled but the fact that she is a dom (and let me rock your world there’s a whole community of older big doms) she has more confidence and control than most. (See sitting porn)

The dom thing can’t be rape it’s consensual sex and happen outside BDSM scapes IE bad boy meets wallflower and sweet virgin gets with billionaire.

Like “Sis” or Thats spooky she or degrading?

… I kinda blame what you’re reading. You’re looking for trash and that sounds like it.

It sounds if maybe they hate men and want the men to know how other men made them feel?

Because that’s Sado mask and that’s a kink some people like it rough and the degree depends on who agrees and what they agree to

Is edging and they agreed to it other wise its rape.

Men do it most… I would recommend researching the community. There’s after care after the sex.

What they do for pleasure isn’t your business though…

Your reason is a bit more fucked up because you want to cause damage against someones will in this both people are down to clown.

Why doe?

:eyes:

No I think you searched for something dark found it and saw outside of yourself and how people without that kink see it everyday.

I’m a switch I’m down to clown but I don’t like pain per say those things would gross me out so I won’t read them but yes… choke me

No.

Again… You want steak at a hot dog joint.

No thank you I loved it

Only thing that actually concerns me… Help how exactly? I find that arm chair therapist do a lot more harm than good. Like I literally went to a school to learn about sex therapy and I wouldn’t try to “Fix” my friend I could give recommendations but if it’s deep-seeded a non bias therapist is needed.

I don’t think you are by the sounds of your TT it sounds as if you have a liking to stuff you should have an aversion to because you have some displaced anger and like seeing others hurt. It doesn’t mean you like pain.

This was great. Good vent. Stop reading that this it’s not how the community works.

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Thank you so much for reading all the way through!

Idk where to start replying lol.

Lol feel free.

Yeah I’m screwed up…

I mean if you want I can post another ted talk. Maybe it would be less weird than the OP.

I glimsped that lol.

If I offended I am really sorry!

Maybe? It came off more derogatory but I could have taken it wrong I guess.

You’re probably right that I just found something wayyy to strong for my handling, and need to find something else.

In the stories I was reading it didn’t come off like that. But maybe I just don’t have enough experience with porn idk.

Maybe, probably. I just felt uncomfortable when the author referred to the men as she/her. But that’s probably just me.

No no ofc not. It being presened as forced was what was bothering me. People do whatever they want.

[quote=“AnaWryneck, post:3, topic:4896”]
Why doe?
[/quote][spoiler]

Because for me, pain is more reliable than caring about someone. From my experience and exposure, positive sex is forced and strange.
[/spoiler]

That’s probably what it is. I have a tendency to take things to seriously so… I was probably analyzing in the wrong place.

In answer to your Help how exactly?

I just mean like me not having such a dark/twisted idea of what people mean by enjoying sex (I was raised to think of it pretty much just as r*** and or objectification). They’re not like doing anything, just trying to be supportive. And yes I am seeing a therapist cuz I am fucked up lol.

Yeah like i said I am seeing a therapist.

Thanks for that. It helps a lot to analyze around you before you act.

Sorry if I missed some points I’m tired but again thank you for reading this chaos.

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I’m into it.

Nah I loved it truly we can have beers.

I write toxic near smut and even I was like WTF… I still want to read it cause I can’t truly hate something I haven’t read but I want to hate read so bad.

There’s not a lot of edging in porn unless it’s BDSM ones with the black gloves. Those get weird :sweat_smile:

If it’s in a hateful way then yeah it’s weird. Then again I’m a hypocrite because I call my Cis Male partner Sis when he’s being a bit much.

Yeah that’s hella fucked I don’t understand why people are into that

I want to hug you. You know… I kinda can comprehend this

Therapy babe. It can help. I’m into some shit but I do comprehend that sex should be a positive experience. I just get bored.

Religious folk?

We all are see picture above

No thank you I loved it.

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:slight_smile: :upside_down_face:
I’ll put it in a seperate post.

these people were like oh now u less than nothing, you’ll always be punished and you’re lesser than man and women and only exist to be tortured and serve us. They themselves call the forced people brainwashed and glazed, empty shells , but it’s like something the author is rooting for? idk it was wierd.

Okay thanks that helps clear up some stuff for me.

Well that’s more like teasing, than agrression imo. I do that with my friend group, if two boys get locked horns I call them girls to settle them down.

Yep. Religious and sadistic. TW disturbing/abuse Our vocation was to be his child, our time and goals existed only to be destroyed and to serve him/god. His goal was to be able to mind fuck the blessed mother and jesus was our brother and mary was our mom and we had to call them that…

Yeah… rn my therapist is catholic, but she’s been like super cool about some issues and like w me not being catholic, so hopefully someday I’ll get the nerve to talk about sex w her.

LMAO I get that. Nothing wrong with spicing things up a little imo.

That picture touched me. Thank you :slight_smile:

Whew I’m glad it didn’t come off idk twisted or some shit.

@moderators welp this got tagged i think prolly cuz I was quoting an attitude in a book. Sorry!

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The threshold for notifying you is lower than notifying us, so you’re fine.

Just as a note though, this is a 13+ forum and I know you’ve got trigger warnings peppered throughout, but if this conversation expands much more, you may want to take it to PMs for the sake of our younger audience.

(This is just a heads up, more than a “warning”).

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Sure ofc, thanks for the heads up and understanding!

Oh whew good, thanks.

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I have a reply for the other TedTalk, should i post it here or do you want to take this to PMs?

This is why I don’t into erotica.

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That’s why you are special…

It makes sense to me. Your life has been shit. Complete total bs…even this is an understatment.
There are so many psychological reasons behind this and since I am very interested in the brain; I am sure I could list them all.
You don’t just want everybody to come console you; you’ve had enough of that. You don’t want pity hugs,(I mean you do want hugs but not all the time). You want someone to understand what you are feeling, to find someone who feels the same way you do and accepts you as you; if that makes any sense lol
(Correct me if I am wrong)

True true

I can see you are trying not to burst lol

You do have a heart. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to feel things the way you do, and I am not only talking about this shit…you know what else I am referring to.

Me, being a major softie; I want to break those assholes’ neck too…So you aren’t alone in this.

Obviously not everyone. You see it that way, because of experience (duh)
You have seen life through a shattered glass piece (forgive my horrible analogy, I just woke up lol)
It’s broken because of the trauma, the pain, the abuse etc etc
You find it hard to trust people, you are scared of letting people in and that is totally okay. It’s understandable. On top of that, you don’t like being scared. This could be confusing to others but you and I know exactly what I am saying.

I am not sure who you are talking about lol but yes this doesn’t help, but I am glad you could get it off your chest :slight_smile:

Now that I am done being cold. Here you go–
hugs tightly

I am always here for you!!!

damn this got a toxic post notif

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