So, maybe this needs to go in Venting instead of All-Wellness, but this is also asking so idk. If it needs to move, sorry mods!
BEFORE YOU READ THIS, CHECK OUT THE TWs. ALSO IF YOURE UNDER 18 AND/OR DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC THAN PLEASE GO TO ANOTHER THREAD.
TW: abuse,sexual assault, double standards, stereotypes, BDSM
Still here? Okay, buckle in cause this is a heluva ramble.
Uhh, so I write a lot of abusive scenarios. Like, a lot. I enjoy digging deep into a person’s psyche and torturing them mercilessly, through any means possible. I also am partial towards forcing characters into identities that don’t define them, forcing them to figure out who they are while they fight against the society around them. The more stark, horrific, and violent, the better. I’m not joking when I saw that pyscho thrillers and horror are my favorite genre.
And I think some times, in some ways, writing an abusive, horrifying scenario can actually be cathartic for shit you’re going through/have been through.
Have I written and/or ruminated on dark, horrific abuse scenes? Yes.
Have I enjoyed it? Mostly yes.
But I always display it as abusive and horrifying. I am extremely upfront about this, there is no mistake in the reader’s mind.
And this is what has spawned this post.
reason why I'm even here having read this stuff
Okay so moment of truth, though small surprise to anyone who really knows me: I have an extremely dark, twisted aggressive side. There are lots of times where I see an opportunity for a jab, a cruel remark, anything to hurt. It’s a practice I’ve had since I was a child, probably some form of defense mechanism. I don’t do it cuz I know actions have consequences, and I honestly don’t want to leave, there are so many good people on here. Also yknow tryna break the cycle a little bit.
Why’d I bring all that up? Oh right to explain why I read really dark, messed up shit like superdark BDSM and forced femnaz and torture porn etc. In my defense, until a couple nights ago I hadn’t gotten really deep but I had some seroius shit so I was like hey why not, and i started checking it out.
(again, putting out the warning to jump ship cuz here’s where it gets fun AKA trigger happy)
I would be lying to say I never enjoyed it.
But I 've always enjoyed it the same way I get from reading/watching a torture scene in a crime thriller. (TW: graphic image? Game of Shadows, when the MC gets fish hooked in the shoulder and his entire body weight is supported on said hook for like 5 full minutes… yeah I rewatched that scene too often.) There’s a really long psychological explanation I could give as to why I enjoy that stuff so much, but that’s neither here nor there. Point is, I enjoy reading it as torture, not as sex, if that makes any sense. To me, I see it as yet another way to destroy a character’s psyche, not as a glamourous exploration of kinks (at least the stuff I read)
But last night, I started to get really bothered by stuff.
I saw a book titled: Perfectly Legal, how to have your very own male slave. Dead serious. Not a story, a literal guide, how-to.
And that hit me really off.
I started looking through femnaz stories from an analytical perspecitve instead of as simply a means to unwind, and I started noticing a lot of things that bothered me so please bear with me as I rant.
putting such an emphasis on genitals as what describes someone’s masculinity. I can’t tell you how many times I picked up that phrase and it disgusted me. Your gender is not defined by that, and if you think that then there is something seriously messed up.
the antagonists/MCs depending on the POV are always hopelessly one dimensional. Any character who resists change is painted as a mysogynistic mofo. This is messed up, and contradictory cus the male who tries to make a women change and be submissive is painted as evil. I AM NOT CONDONING EITHER, and it gets me sad that the stories don’t make that clear. The reader is expected to be cheering that the woman is forcing the man to change and conform.
I’ve also notice more of these being covertly rather homophobic. The empowered women use the f slur a little too comfortably- why do strong women need to shit on other sexual orientations? And they love to torment the changed characters by calling them TW: homophobic sissy queer, as if that is some sort of degradation like WTF?? Also reprogramming someone to be gay?? Like that is the worst other end of the spectrum of so-called corrective rape
also the fact that domms are either gorgeous model chicks. Or their “large, older females” that only weak men would enjoy being in love with/controlled by. That’s offensive and body shaming at it’s finest imo.
the kinds of scenarios described in some of these stories, if genders were flipped, would be straight up rape and sexual assault. But because it’s a female doing it, that makes it okay and just reclaiming justice and control (I HAVE A FUCKING LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE)
and then, the cream of the crop-- the authors refer to the conformed males as she/her.
This one drives me crazy. What is the point of using femnaz/femdom to flip the script in a cathartic way (putting the power in your own hands in a safe space/exploring a world where gender tropes are flipped), if you refer to the characters who are being abused and tormented as SHE/HER??? That makes no sense to me! You’re only continuing the narrative that females exist to be abused and put in service.
Okay and about the "female doing it and that makes it okay":
WHY DOES SEX HAVE TO BE ABOUT ABUSIVE CONTROL AND PUTTING SOMEONE ELSE THROUGH PAIN FOR YOUR PLEASURE? Not allowing someone to release their own sexual tension or even touch their genitals just as punishment for who they are? AND THAT’S OKAY CUZ ITS A WOMAN DOMMING A MAN?? Is that really how normal people think???
After seeing that book title, I saw a 5-star review for it:
yes, every man should have a mistress, the sooner the better.
I stopped and thought, really thought about males in my life/who i knew of and respected, and imagined them being in those situations.
If I had a heart, it would have broken.
Yes, I have dark tendencies I need to control. Yes I have a violent streak that I work on controlling. Yes I fantasize about being cruel, often as a defense mechanism. But I don’t lie to myself and claim I am doing something right or the other person deserves it! (mostly, there are a couple dickheads whose necks I’d like to crack…)
For context, I am a person who for the longest time can read assault and abuse cases without batting an eye, and gets uncomfortable and squeamish reading any decent length healthy, happy sex scenes. I don’t think I’m asexual, I blame that one on my upbringing.
I’ll probably need to step away from those kind of stories for a while. The stereotyping and esp the homophobia really turned me off.
ANYwho, I guess I’ll move this into venting after all cause I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for. Support, advice? Do all people really see sex as a means to control and destroy? (or only procreating but that’s its own story) Is it rational to enjoy something so dark and twisted as seeing a person be tortured and torn down? Do we always have to be torturing the opposite sex/other genders just to show we’re on top???
If you made it all the way through to the end, thanks! Thanks for coming to my TED talk/rant.
I feel kinda bad cause a friend of mine has been trying to help me be more comfortable with myself sexually and not have such a dark attitude towards sex, aand this probably did not help it. I’m addicted to pain of all forms, it happens.