I haven’t been here in a long time… or anywhere in all honesty…
For anyone who may not know me, hi, I’m Emerald. I’m grateful if you don’t know me. I don’t use this platform a lot, and I don’t use many platforms lately. I dread logging into Discord, and after many months (and years in some cases), I finally separated my social media accounts so that I could have my personal space and my writing persona separate. And I want to stop writing, or at least stop calling myself a writer.
I think several people would kick my butt for it. It’s the only semi achievement I have in my 23 years of existence. If that’s what you’d like to call it.
I want to quit important roles I have because I’m exhausted all the time, I want to quit the bookstagram/writing accounts because I barely have motivation or time to do either, and just everything now seems… exhausting.
Granted, I work overnights. Almost two years now. Yes, my body hurts. I barely have time to hang with friends nowadays unless we’re all at work or on lunch break, and I can’t tell if it’s my mental health or if I’m simply done.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I would let down my past self, because writing was all she had and all she knew how to do despite the things going on in her life.
I want to stop everything, but given that I’ve failed at almost everything else, I’m not sure if I should or if I should simply take a break. I’ve been writing since age 10 or 11, and at my age now, it’s the only thing I can say to people that they view as an achievement. I feel like I failed my past self, or I’m a fraud for calling myself a writer when I haven’t actually written anything in maybe a year or more. When I can’t sit at a desk long enough to write anything. The rare days I do write, it just… it feels stale. Overused words. Plots I’ve written and read for so long. Another voice. Not me.
Yes, these are some ramblings, and please, move this or shut it down if it’s not welcome here. I just need some advice on what to do from this point on, or how to find motivation in a time of really (really) low motivation and mental health.