I think I may be going through some form of crisis. Like a mid-life crisis, but in relation to writing. This may be a bit long, but I need to get it out.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I should give up on writing. I’ve been lurking in forum threads, writing sites and other places writers tend to migrate and it seems to me everybody else knows why they’re writing, and what direction they want to take in their endeavours. Some people want to publish and some just want to post online. Some people are posting to hone thier craft and some are just here for the fun of it. It’s made me think. Why do I write? What do I want to do with it?
I know I write for both validation and myself. I love creating new worlds and characters and the writing process itself. I dream of the day someone tells me they love my book, and thanks me for posting online. Yet, I feel like I’m being left out. Everyone else seems to have this definite direction they’re going in and I’m just…there. Writing. I don’t feel like I’m good enough to be published and sometimes when I look at racial discourse at Twitter (don’t laugh please) focusing on the publishing industry at large, I wonder if I even have what it takes to succeed.
When I first really opened my eyes to the reality of book theft online, I consoled myself saying I would be able to file DMCAs and my stories on mirror sites would disappear if I chose to unpublish them on WP because mirror sites where essentially harmless. Then NovelHD popped up and the theft of my book made all my doubts come soaring again.
Do I really want to expose myself to this? This helplessness? On one hand, I want to work towards that dream we all have as new writers signing up for WP - to become orange carpet famous. On the other hand, can the sensitive and proud side of me really handle someone else taking my hard work and claiming it as theirs? Can I really handle the loss of control over my own creation?
I think what I’m trying to say here is, it may be time for me to take a break, however long it may be, to reevaluate what writing means to me,if I take the risk of sharing online or keep it to myself, whether I’m brave enough to keep on writing characters of my own ethnicity despite what I’ve seen others say about my chances and if this whole post is a side effect of my overthinking, tired brain at 1am.
Have you had these doubts before too? How did you resolve them?