Time and again, I come upon this wall of expectation.
I know I’m lucky to have an understanding partner who knows writing and creating isn’t just a fun little hobby for me even though it might sometimes seem that way from the outside.
But then there’s people like parents or other immediate family who don’t see it and expect me to be doing something. Idk what, to be honest. They might think I’m lazy or not independent or relying too much on my partner.
A creative person can’t give out results as fast as someone who works retail or someone who teaches kids. There’s no immediate, immediate result all the time. When there’s no result, I guess they think I’m not doing anything, just living off my partner’s money and thinking the world is grand.
Idk, to be honest, but I wanted to talk about this because I feel like many creative people come across this expectation of producing immediate, easy-to-see, results. If they don’t, they must be lazy or too dependent or not trying hard or not being an adult.
I don’t know how to fix this. I think it’s something that’s been happening for centuries.
People outside the creative processes only see the finished result, never the work that goes into it. A lot of them genuinely do believe that people can pump out a perfect novel on the first go merely because they haven’t experienced or research the time and energy the process actually takes. On top of this, everyone works at different paces and in different ways. This is especially common with people who are new to the creative arts. It can’t actually be fixed. It’s just a matter of having an open mind and being willing to listen to the things other people say and actually taking it is. Sadly, not everyone is open to this. A lot of us creative folks also have our own internal expectations because of how much we see on social media and in stores.
If you want to “fix this” you have to lead them by the hand through your process.
Explain the writing max a day, fillowed by the minimum, in a difficult passage.
Explain the worldbuilding timeline.
Explain derailing searches for an unexpected subject.
That still won’t work.
Make them test out a sample by giving them a 5 minute sprint and telling them to write without a plan or anything.
Whatever their word count, divide it through your daily word count goal, then tell them how long it would take them…if they could keep that pace up.
Then make then discard half of it and count thwir hours as twice as long for crap writing.
This is why I don’t tell anyone what I do. When they ask what I’ve done in my life I tell them, “I’ve published nine books. How many have you written?” and then they shut up. (>‿◠)
I think it all boils down to process and discipline, which you probably can include your family on and use them as a form of accountability.
Yes, sometimes, you’re not going to hit your goal but depending on where your family hangs out the most (FB or Whatsapp), you can start posting stories related to writing and your hopes for publishing soon.
Anytime you hit a writing milestone, put it on your FB or Whatsapp. Talk about the challenges you meet in the writing journey. Those are the immediate results. Your word count is the immediate result. The excerpt you share with them is an immediate result. The book cover you create is an immediate result.
If they show no interest, then they have no desire to understand you nor are they going to be convinced about writing being a profitable career in due course so you shouldn’t worry about what they think. In that case, keep things undercover and let them think what they will.
When my mom was not supportive of my writing journey and was telling me to just focus on climbing the ranks at my job or looking for better-paying jobs - I decided that the free time that I did have would be dedicated to my writing pleasures. One way I got her to support me was ensuring that she understood that the time I had was dedicated to writing and no matter what, I would write at those times. I would also tell her about how much I want to be published and, since she is very financially oriented (cough cough), I also talk about the ways I will start promoting my published book to hit a certain income level to maintain and start staying at home with her and having more time (which I really wish I could do tbh).
You should be proud that you have a spouse who loves you and fully provides for you and honestly, that’s a good thing. Anyone who thinks that you’re leeching off your partner is…Lord knows what they’re thinking but where I come from, as a woman, we deserve to be provided for - even if we have our own money. I wish I had someone to fully provide for me while I channel all my energy into jumpstarting my author career but… I don’t. You truly are very lucky and life IS grand for you. Don’t make yourself feel bad about that at all!
One practice I have started is trying to look for ways of positive reinforcement even in seemingly negative situations. Which is why family confusion/beration allows me to think of less stressful ways to get them a little more involved and have them rooting for me. Or sometimes, I keep things undercover and just show them the results when the good things happen.
I work fulltime, and yet during my “Down Time” I’m trying to create my stories… Am I being productive? Yes, but not how people seem to want it to be… That is a time thing, a passion thing, a “Me” thing and that’s fine with me… Because what counts is that I’m not wasting my time doing stupid things, I’m being creative…
I used to be skeptical about AI software but now so many professions are using it, it’s beginning to turn into the norm, isn’t it? Hmm, that makes think of a new topic for my fox chat…
