Hi everyone~
I could use some feedback on my blurb for my young-adult paranormal adventure, please.
Here’s my new(ish) blurb I’m test-driving:
Skye is dead.
How she perished is a mystery. All she knows is that she is trapped in After, a makeshift city of souls surrounded by infinite darkness and terrifying monsters that tear ghosts apart.
But while all other ghosts begrudgingly accept the eternity of darkness ahead of them, Skye refuses to spend her afterlife in a world without light. She knows there must be some way to escape the monsters that keep them all trapped in and return to the realm of the living, and she’s going to find it…Even if she has to face the Prince of Monsters, himself.
Joined by other ghosts named Webb and Vale, Skye risks her existence and escapes the walled city of After in search of the truth. Venturing into the black reveals untold perils, but that’s not all.
The Dark…and the dark prince, are guarding a terrible secret…
It’s still…bleh.
Here’s my old blurb:
Skye is dead.
With death, all semblance of living fades, including her memories. Now, there is only After, a makeshift city of souls surrounded by infinite darkness and terrifying monsters that tear ghosts apart. She’s forbidden to leave and eventually becomes a scavenger–a ghost that searches the Dark, the wasteland that is the afterlife, for lost and buried relics carried over from Earth.
But while all other ghosts slowly lose their emotions and begrudgingly accept the eternity of darkness ahead of them, Skye refuses to spend her afterlife in a world without light. She knows there must be some way to escape the monsters that keep them all trapped in the Dark and return to the realm of the living, and she’s going to find it…Even if she has to face the Prince of Monsters, himself.
Joined by other scavengers named Webb and Vale, Skye risks her existence and escapes the walled city of After in search of the truth. Venturing into the black reveals untold perils, but that’s not all.
The Dark…and the dark prince, are guarding a terrible secret…
My biggest issues with the old blurb are that it wastes too much time defining terms (I don’t think readers need to know what scavengers are, etcetera…), and it doesn’t really explain the stakes at hand.
Thank you!
