Description Help Needed

Hi everyone.

In this section I am trying to describe the bakery, which is an important place in the novel. I worry about going overboard with unnecessary details of leaving too much to be desired. Please let me know what you think and how I can improve it.

Here I sat in my mom’s bakery, the place I’ve always had to go when I was upset, hungry, bored, anything. The wooden base of the booth Jon and I always sat in was painted robin egg blue- the same colour as the walls.

It’s more of nook, kind of like those breakfast nooks people have in their kitchens.

My mom shifted back and forth between painting the wooden bases white or blue. She finally decided on blue because the place needed some colour.

“I don’t want it to look like a hospital.”

I mean, she’s not wrong. Most of the time people end up in the hospital are not good reasons. Outside the birth of a child.

It’s larger than most bakeries. That’s because it used to be a restaurant. The old owners, Mr and Mrs. Tanner, wanted to retire. They never had any children, so with no one to leave the family business to, they decided to sell, to my mom.

We came here every day after school.

If I wasn’t helping my mom bake things for the shop, I was reading or writing. Two of my favourite things in the world. It provided me with a sense of peace after what was often a hectic day at school.

As a little girl I’d watch my mom bake the most delicious things. It was the smell of the pastry, or of cookies with one of my favourite flavours: chocolate chip. The way she’d smile as she worked, humming to herself as if nothing else in the world mattered but us.

I caught myself staring at the wall. My parents allowed me to choose the colour when they were decorating.

The light blue was in contrast to the vibrant white tables and booths that my mom made sure were always immaculate. It almost gave it a French patisserie feel. The beautiful aquamarine crystal chandeliers, providing the perfect amount of light; not too dim, but not too bright.

This detail makes it sound SUPER UPSCALE.

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The only problem I really see is that once you established the colors, you went into other topics, then drew the fact back to the tables being blue. It becomes pretty repetitive. You said all that you had to the first time.

It’s in danger of becoming:

Everything else can be chalked up to the character speaking.


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