Does anyone know why this tends to happen in relationships?

I’ve noticed that when people date other people, it is always someone older or younger, but HARDLY if ever the same age even if born months apart in the same year.

Like it is because, dating someone the same age as you isn’t as attractive as dating someone older or younger?

Thoughts and feelings?



honestly, for the most part, i think it’s just unintentional/random. you’re not dating someone for their age, (most of the time lol) you’re dating them for them. i.e, i’m 22, and i actually just recently started dating a guy whose 25. us dating had nothing to do with our ages, he legitimately was the only guy i connected with and liked from the dating app we met on - so, personally, i think it’s just random :]


This might just be your experience. Most of my friends date people only a few months older/younger than them, and a few years older/younger. When you’re older, it makes no difference–it’s really dependent on where you are as individuals and your place in life. My boyfriend is around 3 yrs older than me. We have some differences, but there’s not a big reason “why”. We just like one another, get along, and have a lot in common.

It’s highly dependent. A few months/years age difference can mean very little, especially if they’re in their 20s/30s. I think it’s simply the fact that, once you become an adult, you’re around all sorts of other people, most meet their love interests through work or mutual friends friend groups/work places having differently aged people makes sense.

I tend to be wary about large age-gapped relationships, but won’t pass judgments so long as they’re consenting adults.

For the most part, it’s just random and probably a bit psychological for those where age is an attraction–but even that’s only a very small part of a relationship and more a plus then it is a necessity.


I kinda dated someone who was 6-7 years older than me.

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For the most part I don’t think its an intentional choice, one just happens to make a connection with someone and their age usually doesn’t factor in who they choose to date.

My boyfriend and I happen to be the same age (born on the same month even) but I consider it a random coincidence than anything else. We have plenty in common and things we can relate with one another, just as we have differences because we’re different individuals.

Among my friends and peers, I find most date or have partners only a few years older/younger (about 5 years difference at most) if not the same age. My own parents have an 8-year gap, though both were 30+ when they met. From what I see age matters less the older one is (so long as they are consenting adults). More so if they are at a similar stage in their life.

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eh, in school and college to a lesser extent i think dating someone around your same age comes naturally because you’ll spend more time with people in your same grade, but as an older adult in my daily life i don’t come into contact with many people my exact age. once youre out of school, jobs don’t tend to break up employees by age. ive worked with people significantly older than me and people barely old enough to drive.

purely statistically it’s not that likely ill have many run-ins with others born only a few months from me.

i dont see age gaps as inherently problematic unless one partner is significantly older going for someone who is barely an adult.


I think it’s just because finding someone your exact same age, whether in a platonic or romantic relationship, is hard.

If you’ve never moved and grew up with the same people, and live in a small town, then sure, it’s plausible. But in most common situations, everyone is of different ages because you didn’t grow up with them or you didn’t meet them in school. Like, I’ve seen a lot of people who are like, “I don’t even know people who are a few years younger/older than I am.” Like bruh, where do you work where that’s not common? Everyone I know who has worked in multiple places has known people who are much older or much younger than they are. Even in my current job, the youngest is sixteen with the oldest being mid to late 40s, and the average age being 30. My last job? I was actually the youngest out of the front desk clerks. The oldest was in her 50s, the second oldest in her mid 30s. My manager was early 30s. And that doesn’t even account for the housekeepers who were 40s+.

And with my siblings’ jobs? It’s the same thing. My sister’s best friend from work is in her mid 30s, but her second best friend (who now left) is in her 50s. The youngest she works with is 21. And she’s 31. She actually had a crush on him once.

My first job? I was 19, working as a dishwasher at a restaurant and the only person I talked to was the chef who was 24. So, in most jobs, there’s age gaps everywhere, and you can become friends with or get into relationships with these people.

It’s just life. How it goes.

And even if you do meet someone from school that you get into a relationship with, you can still have an age gap. My sister and her husband are a year apart. She was a senior in high school, just about to graduate, when he was a junior. She had to wait a whole school year before they could move in together. And they were high school sweethearts—she was fifteen, just about to turn sixteen, and he was fourteen, just about to turn fifteen.

My little sister is going through a similar thing. She’s trying to put herself in the dating pool, and she’s sixteen, going on seventeen in August. She’s finishing sophomore year in less than two weeks. The guy she has a crush on (who she calls the “hallway crush” because she’s only met him in the hallway) is fifteen and a freshman (about to be a sophomore come this fall). There’s another guy she likes who she met also at school who is about to turn eighteen and will be a senior come this fall, so he’ll be graduating soon.

When I was in school, your high school classes were shared among all ages based on different circumstances between students, so I had friends who were 14 and friends who were 18-19 years old. And this made it easier for people to get into relationships with someone of any age, especially when a lot of people didn’t talk about ages unless asked. And even then, it could be a lie. There was a guy my brother was friend’s with years and years ago who was in his early 20s and was in a relationship with this one chick who claimed to be the same age as him… and then there was one day when the parents (as she lived with them) saw him in her room and freaked out, called the police, and that was when he found out she’d been lying to him—she wasn’t in her 20s, she was actually 15. And then lied to everyone, claiming she didn’t know him (probably because she was scared of what would happen to her) and got him arrested… :roll_eyes:

Anyway, now with online dating being more of a common way to find people, it’d be hard to find people you can connect to, relate to, like, etc. who are your exact age. When my sister was trying to online date, most of the guys who were her age gave dry responses, weren’t looking for anything serious, or were downright creepy. Otherwise, you’d find guys who were much older (or looked older—they claimed to be younger; I saw quite a few men on the app who said they were 20-30 years old, but be looking 50) and not only that, but were just looking to cheat on their girlfriends or wives or looking to be a bootycall. She eventually found someone though, but he’s roughly eight or nine years younger than she is, and even though he doesn’t match up her ideal guy, he is a keeper in some and many ways. They’re already planning on getting married by next year. :rofl:

Truthfully, I’m not the type to think that age gaps are weird. Big or small. As long as it’s consensual between two adults, and they’re both happy, who am I to get in the way of their happiness? Of course, you can always warn. But sometimes, some relationships actually do work out. Not everyone is out to be a groomer or be abusive. Like Korra said, you’re not dating someone for their age. Most people don’t intentionally get into a relationship with a number in mind, and most people don’t often think, “Oh, you’re not my exact age? Deal breaker. We’re done.” Asking for one’s age isn’t the first question people don’t often ask for when you start DMing them or before you’re about to be picked up for dinner for a first date.

When people start doing that or start being crazy about age tells me that they might’ve been groomed, which is why they try to be wary about it. And this is understandable—people often forget that not everyone experiences the same things and, when it comes to their awful experiences, tries to warn others. Just like the whole living with parents thing. I’ve seen a lot of people who say to not live with your parents as an adult because of this or that (making you pay rent and not have any control of your life, etc. kind of thing) when really, this is just them projecting their experiences. They forget that there are people with really good and healthy relationships with their parents (like mine who didn’t care what I did or where I went as long as they knew if I’ll be home for dinner, and let me sleep as much or as little as I wanted to, and didn’t force me to pay a bunch of rent). So, these same types of people forget that someone in a ten, fifteen, twenty year age gap with someone can be happy with their significant other. :woman_shrugging:

Sorry for the long rambling post. xD


Yes, you really spoke the truth in this comment.

Every time I see that you’re about to post something I suspect something novel worthy and overall a good read.

Not to sound mean, but rather a hard observation.
LOL! :sweat_smile:

I dated a guy 20 years older than me :man_shrugging: It wasn’t a fetish thing like I wasn’t looking at his age as a criteria going ‘Omg you’re so daddy :star_struck:!’

My current (non)partner is 5 years older. I mean I‘ve kinda only dated guys who are older than me :grimacing: pure coincidence I swear. It’s probably because in my school days there was no one in my cohort who was openly gay, and out in the real world I don’t pay attention to age as much as vibe, connection and attractiveness and uhmm technique.

My therapist says an age gap is not an issue. I trust her.

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So, it is clearly not apart of some attraction?


What do you mean, if you don’t mind me asking?

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Why did I think it was pure attraction when it wasn’t that true?

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As in, that people choose older/younger persons to date on purpose?

Hmm, you could ask yourself why you think that, like if you’ve observed or read it somewhere :thinking:

I don’t deny that some people are attracted to people of a certain age, but its likely in the minority or isn’t a deal breaker for most

I can’t answer that because I seriously don’t know.

Short and sweet, my mind is weird.

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