Help, please?

I want your honest thought, and feedback on this blurb please? Does it seem alright? What can I add without giving away too much? Does it need more added, etc?

Blurb:

When sixteen-year-old Ricky Cruz gets caught fighting the notorious Rudy Reyes in the middle of a cookout, he ends up living with his unconventionally sketchy cousin, Tito until the drama of the fallout blows over. He tries to stay out of trouble and have the summer of his life without ruining his future prospects.

Meanwhile, his best friend, hapless Mateo has a crush on Tito that’s taking over his life. He longs to get his attention by getting himself into dangerous situations. The more Ricky tries to pull him out of them, the more defiant he becomes.

Their friendship is tested to the extreme over the summer months.

Along with their two other friends, Chuck and Jay they try to make it the best summer that they’d ever had, despite their pitfalls.

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Stakes? Ruining future prospects doesn’t really tell me anything specific. Like, if Mateo doesn’t stop doing dangerous things to get Tito’s attention, will he die? ¯\_(ﭢ)_/¯

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This is wordy. Out of all of it, this stands out as please simplify.

Outside of that, you can give out very specific information about the story all the way up to the midway point and not really ruin the story. That way, all the ways that it can normally fall apart up until the real SHTF moment can be seen as a representation of themes and style in the story. If it’s a drug story, then the drugs need to be mentioned as the trouble, if it’s illegal cock fighting, then that may need to be mentioned. It’s just a way of thinking about this stuff.

It’s much easier to cut down a TL;DR than it is a vagepost.

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It sounds like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air but without The Prince and without the Bel Air…

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Ok, thanks. I have added some edits below.

Thank you for your advice and input. You’re right about adding the illegal activities aspect of it all.

I had a think about it and hope that I have re-worded it better than it was with some corrections below.

So, instead of that, talk about something like:

When sixteen-year-old Ricky Cruz gets caught fighting Rudy Reyes in the middle of a cookout, he gets kicked out by his fed-up Pops and ends up living with his sketchy cousin, Tito, who pedals drugs for local gangs.

He tries to stay out of trouble and have the summer of his life without ruining his future prospects.

Ricky gets a wake up call and tries to stay out of trouble by having a fun summer without being tempted by the allure of the free, easy money that working for Tito could bring him.

Meanwhile, his best friend, hapless Mateo has a crush on Tito that’s taking over his life. He longs to get his attention by getting himself into dangerous situations. The more Ricky tries to pull him out of them, the more defiant he becomes.

Meanwhile, his best friend, hapless Mateo has a crush on Tito that’s taking over his life. He starts to find ways to impress Tito by throwing himself into unpredictable situations. When Tito asks him to help him shift bags of weed, instead of Ricky, he accepts the job.

The more Ricky tries to pull him out of them, the more defiant he becomes.

When Ricky finds out, he tries convince him that there are better ways of earning money, but Mateo becomes more defiant when he’s given a bunch of dangerous, high-paying jobs.

Their friendship is tested to the extreme over the summer months.

The deeper Mateo goes down the rabbithole, the further their friendship drifts apart. Allured by the thrill of working for Tito, Mateo spends all his free time with him. Ricky, on the other hands focuses on Summer School, in order to pass the High School year that he failed.

Along with their two other friends, Chuck and Jay they try to make it the best summer that they’d ever had, despite their pitfalls.

Ricky, along with his Summer School friends, Chuck and Jay try to save Mateo before he ends up getting killed. Will they be able to get through to him in time?

How’s something like that? I tried my best to add the details that were needed.

There is no Bel Air inside Angel Falls :stuck_out_tongue:

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That’s a lot better, as it lets me know what I’m getting into.

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Thanks.

I will use this as my Wattpad blurb :slight_smile:

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