I won’t go in detail too much because there are things that I rather not reveal.
But I seriously need a career that I can focus on for a good long while. I am tired of not going anywhere or doing anything with my writing. I am not looking to be a famous and successful novelist. Just good enough where I have something of my own and have some success.
I want to not only have fun and enjoy my stories. But I would like to know the feeling of having, holding, and seeing my book published. So, yeah, I am a bit envious. But that is only to get me even more amped up to trying it myself.
Look, real talk, I am not the best writer in the world. In fact, I am decent and just okay. Still, I am trying to get there even if I have massive bumps in the way of my writing.
I would like to better discipline myself as a writer and now reader. I need to figure out where I truly want to go with my writing and with my life.
Anyway, I just thought I share with you all my feelings.
What do you think?
I seriously hope that I am making sense and are not spitting out nonsense.
Please forgive me if I do.
Is writing something you want to do as a carreer, or just a hobby that could possibly bring in a little extra money on the side? Or even neither of these things?
In that case, taking writing workshops and literature based classes would be a good start. Furthering your education and developing your skills theough practice and challenge is the best way to improve.
It wouldn’t hurt to see if there are cheap or free resources available to you before you give up on the idea. An online search might provide more than you’d expect within your price range. Local libraries or community centers might offer resources for writers that could help you improve, and there is always a chance you can find free or low cost classes or workshops online. Usually the free one’s are community run, so don’t always have a professional teaching, but they can still help a lot in providing outside perspectives and colborating ideas, as well as offering assignments that can challenge you and help push your skills further.
Yeah, unfortunately those resources aren’t always easy to find. But it’s always a good idea to keep your eyes peeled for them. You have to know where to look. I remember a few years ago, I found out about a writting club my local library hosted back when I lived in a different state. I heard about it by pure chance, and unfortunately, too late. It was right about the time I was getting ready to move. So they come in unexpected places, but you never know. Try asking the local library if they have any clubs or anything similar for writers, and try asking the local community colleges the same thing. They might not have anything like that, but you never know. You could be surprised.
I’m kind of in the same and opposite boat. I want to finish writing a book. I want to be able to get it printed and be able to hold it, and see it for sale on Amazon or something. I want to be a real published author. Of course I would like to be successful too, but that’s a result that’s harder to bet on, especially when you have crippling anxiety. Really I just want to create something that looks official enough for me to say "congratulations, you accomplished something " to myself.
For looking into writing classes and such, I don’t want to say something as pretentious as “I think I’m good on writing advice for now”, but I do feel like I’m at a point where I’ve done so much more studying and analyzing writing than actually writing that, well… the car isn’t going slow because it’s out off gas, it’s going slow because I haven’t left my damn garage.
Even if its little things. You’re not alone in this 
" to myself.