These two make the most sense to me. Do I have to choose one over the other?
Iām not sure i understand your question.
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Oh, I thought I had to pick and choose the options. That is where I got confused at.
Sorry.
no. I am asking if this is your internal experience
first you decide to read because thats what you believe writers are supposed to do. and doing what writers are supposed to do excites you. then once you start reading you continue because doing what a writer is supposed to do excites you. but then something else comes up that excites you more than doing what a writer is supposed to do so you do that instead. then that causes you to think how can i be a writer if i donāt do what i believe writers are supposed to do this demotivates/ discourages you more than the excitment of doing what you believe writers are supposed to do so you donāt return to reading
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Yes, this is correct.
That is what my experience is like and why I lack consistency so much.
do you struggle with failure?
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Yes.
i think thats your main block. right now you are blaming yourself for getting distracted and deciding to do something else. but that isnāt stopping you from returning to the book. it is you having this notion that if i donāt succeed in my goal i should just give up.
is your goal when you read a book that i have to finish it in one sitting?
feel free to correct me if wrong
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Yes and no.
Yes because I want to be super immersed in the book and no because I do want to take my time with reading it. Though when I take my time, I do want to be able to go back to it as many times till I am done with the book.
Honestly, I never thought this hard about it. I would chalk it up to another AuDHD problem for my own sake, but I honestly donāt know.
what i am asking is that when you get distracted and do something else do you believe you have failed (and if so at what or is it just this vague sense of failure not tied to anything) and is that what stops you from returning to the book?
Yes.
okay thats not an adhd thing. adhd yes gets you distracted. yes it can make it hard to initiate tasks, continuing tasks, pick up on them again. but that is not due to how someone feels about failure. thats a separate issue.
what do you believe you have failed at? or is it just a vague sense not tied to anything concrete?
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Not being consistent and not reading enough books. Along with not being able to have a strong love for reading novels as well.
I do have autism as well.
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I think itās probably a combination of aphantasia/ADHD/autism, so itās not your fault! Audra Winter has all three of those conditions and she too hates to read, so itās likely a symptom.
Yeah, forcing yourself to read isnāt going to help unless you really like what youāre reading. You need to find really short books in your favorite genre, but finding good books is hard. ĀÆ\_(ļ¢)_/ĀÆ
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Not being consistent and not reading enough books. Along with not being able to have a strong love for reading novels as well.
ah i see so is it more that it is just a reminder of that? or is there something more specifically in the moment.
I do have autism as well.
yeh i know. that isnāt neccessarily an autism thing either. autism can make it difficult to switch between tasks, get out of tasks, and initiate tasks. but thats not due to someoneās relationship to failure.
yes autism can make a person rigid but thats rigid about contexts not rigid about situations or circumstances. failure is a type of situation.
your audhd isnāt causing you to have the relationship you have to failure. what it does to do is present obstacles in being able to avoid failure. which is what i think you are trying to do. which i think is one of your issues
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Sounds about right. Iāve only ever known failing and struggling. Iām having a hard time with that.
Itās a reminder of that.
yeh aphantasia effects sensory imagination aka you donāt have it.
autism CAN effect what i call empathetic imagination aka the ability to feel, think, believe, experience, opinionate like someone else ā> some autistics canāt at all and others are on the opposite end where they can super easily and it can even be overwhelming / addictive.
adhd - effects attention, engagement, motivation etc
usually when people read its the sensory and or empathetic imagination that gets them to read and keep reading. so if you donāt have either reading could be a chore for anyone. combine that with adhd it makes it even harder.
idk if @Qualeshia12 struggles with empathetic imagination when reading books though/ generally.
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mhm. <3.
i would really recommend reframing your relationship to failure. like embracing it and learning from it instead of, trying to avoid it, berating yourself for it etc.
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