I’ve been struggling with depression for the majority of my life—specifically sixteen years—and I feel as though I’ve reached a point where I’m finally doing better.
I don’t go to therapy, I don’t talk to anyone, and I don’t take medication. I am self-diagnosed (and you can argue that I “couldn’t possibly have depression if a doctor didn’t tell me,” but there were multiple points in my life where I wanted to—in TikTok slang—unalive myself… so that’s a clear indication of depression). But medication and therapy is too expensive and, personally, I feel that talking doesn’t really help me and only creates drama, unwanted attention, and problems that I don’t have the mental capacity for. If it helps you, awesome. But not me. So, I keep my emotions bottled inside and use writing, reading, music, and watching shows and movies and YouTube videos as coping mechanisms. They’ve all truly helped me throughout the years.
In recent years, however, I’ll have bad days and good days. And sometimes, I had more good days then bad days. But that didn’t mean that dark cloud didn’t dissipate completely. It’d still find its way back.
Ever since I changed my job, though, I’ve been feeling so much better than I used to. I do get days where I feel like a hurricane hit me and destroyed everything cheerful in my wake, but it actually isn’t as much as it used to be. While things can sometimes get chaotic and stressful, and I can feel overwhelmed, I’m able to take a deep breath and know that tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. And for some reason, it’s helped me get through those tough days. Honestly, it’s new territory for me because I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t remember what it used to feel like.
I feel like I’m finally knowing what it’s like to be truly happy. There’s still things to work on, of course, and depression has no cure. But I’ve been trying my best to work on my mental health and I think this is a wonderful breakthrough.
It’s also kind of ironic that I created a “mental health day” display for work. I’ll show pictures
With that said, I wanted to see how you all are. How is your mental health?