It’s crap like this that’s a huge part of why I identity as straight and married a man. (Certainly as heck not the whole reasoning, lol)
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Straight people don’t usually tell people to never use the term “queer”, at least.
Her whole demeanor was emotionally charged right from the start and only grew more emotionally agitated as she carried on. She was never ready to be challenged on any of her beliefs. In order to make a rational argument, you have to be calm. And in order to keep yourself from getting hurt, you have to have some control over your emotions. She clearly did not.
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This is going to sound off…but I don’t know a ton of women who can do that, and I was raised in a family of women that could check their rage at the front door, when needed. Sometimes it’s seems like being in touch with your feelings is being a bit touched…and I know that’s not the truth because emotions are great tools, just shitty masters.
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The more I read over it again, the more I realize it was never about giving writing advice. It was just her screaming her frustration out into the void. It wasn’t meant to help anyone, it was supposed to be an attack on anyone that didn’t share her views, with a flimsy disguise of “writing advice” thrown over the top.
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It’s not just women, everyone has a hard time controlling their emotions from time to time. But she started off in the wrong mindset to be posting something like that. She was angry and defensive before anyone even had a chance to refute her.
Besides that, controlling your emotions and burying them are not the same thing. When they are in control, you still use them, just to your advantage rather than letting them control you. Again, this is difficult for everyone, not just women. I still haven’t mastered it myself. But I do know to make an effort in situations similar to that one when I am putting my beliefs and opinions on a platform where they are bound to recieve pushback. She didn’t appear to make any effort to control her emotions and the very fact that she posted in the way she did makes it seem like the entire post itself was her letting her emotions run wild without any logic or control behind them.
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It wasn’t a matter of trying to make men emotionless, really. Just find their triggers a bit easier to understand and usually fairly consistent. Never 100% on anything, of course.
The hormone cycle is no joke, on top of that. I don’t know what it is about progesterone, but I’d MUCH rather a cortisol shot. (Progesterone is the 2ndary female hormone involved in cycle spikes and pregnancy, cortisol manages stress and is given to you when ill.)
I remember one time, I took my progesterone and just reamed my husband a new one over something very trivial, then burst into tears–about 2 hours later (and I really don’t cry). It took me about 6 hours to put it all together, and because of that, so now specific reactions get me to go take a test.
I already have (well, had, 40 and that’s everything is dropping) high testosterone, but that’s a far more consistently dropped hormone.
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Churro’s Writing Rules
- Make up your own ruleset, and keep bending it. Never listen to anyone else’s writing rules, especially not Lily or Johnathan Franzen. Do what works for you and your stories.
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Women and men produce different amounts of different hormones, but men can be just as emotionally unstable as women. Taking medicines that interact with those hormones can cause even more emotional instability, but my father takes testosterone shots because of a hormone imbalance and is just as easy to jump to crying or yelling unexpectedly. It’s not a women and men thing. It’s a human thing.
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…men can be just as emotionally unstable as women.
That’s just such a strange thing to hear someone say. I’ve never heard anyone in my life say that women are emotionally unstable. Is that actually a thing? I mean, men commit most of the violent crime, most shooters are men, most rapists are men, most domestic abusers are men, etc. etc. so I’ve always assumed that men are more emotional than women and far less able to control their emotions. I mean, no offense to men, but seeing people argue about emotional control from the angle that women are less stable than men just looks so weird to me! Maybe I’ve been living under a rock? *ponders*
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Anyway, on the subject of the thread: I agree with some of what that Lily person says in the beginning, like characters should always come first – yup. We read books to live vicariously through a character for a while, so character development is always more important than events or world building.
But the rest is just opinion, and I agree with @Xelyn_Craft on her mindset when she stated those opinions. Yes, she’s entitled to her opinions, and I agree with @NotARussianBot that she shouldn’t have to delete her thread just because others don’t agree with her. But a lot of people on social media only post to hear cheers of agreement, and when they don’t get that, they prefer to delete rather than face the reality that not everyone in the world views them as a sage sitting on a mountain top spewing pearls of wisdom.
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Due to hormones? Women have it worse. Men cycle to the day and so it’s a repeatable experience. (Cagey in the morning and mellow in the afternoon is the hormone rule of thumb.)
Women cycle to the month, which means their variation outlasts the length of time that is required to form a habit on anything. (21 days to make a habit, 28 days to complete a full cycle with no irregularities.)
Due to other factors? Really those control a heck of a lot more. You get on any given person’s triggers, they’re going to be worse than someone who isn’t triggered.
So me on an emotional hirmone-derived low, not triggered, and the spouse triggered? If I’ve got control of myself, I’m coming out on top. But if I don’t (not being self-aware), he’s going to want to escape. Lol
But yeah, it’s all variable.
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Okay, I just arrived at 46. “Mary Sue is not a real criticism. It’s thinly veiled misogyny. Always disregard it.”
Oh my g–bwahahaha! Omg, this chick hasn’t been around, has she? *wipes eyes* She certainly hasn’t been on Wattpad. Argh. (*・_・)ノ⌒*
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I’m coming the closest to it. Not saying that, though. I AM saying I’ve met a heck of a lot of irrational ones in my time.
But that may be just me. Anecdotal isn’t statistics.
But yes, it HAS historically been a thing. Female hysteria is more what you’d find the idea under.
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And if you want to read a kind of Feminist Anthem that deals with the premise of “women being too irrational to vote and should be permanent minors”, the novel Native Tongue comes from the viewpoint of intelligent women struggling under pretty much our US citizenship being revoked, trying to shift the paradigm by language.
Kind of stuck with me over the years.
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It’s been common propeganda that women are more emotionally unstable than men due to hormones since the beginning of misogyny. Statistically speaking, @Akje is correct though. Historically, men have made more irrational, emotionally charged decissions that affect others poorly than women have. Just because women express that emotion, they are called emotionally unstable. However, expressing emotion is part of controlling it. It’s healthier to express it by crying or yelling than by passing laws that punish minority groups merely for existing or raping someone. Those crimes are by and large committed more by men than women. Over all, women and men are both emotionally unstable, just in different ways.
I use he/him pronouns, just to let you know. Not upset or anything, it happens, just wanted to make you aware.
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It’s not always used as a “women are useless” way. It’s also a feminist argument of “workdays are geared towards male hormone cycles and not women”. So…it really goes in circles.
The way I’ve seen that cycle used in stating the direction I’m going is that since the swing is wide, heavy, and long, is that women are admirable for self-control in a longer range variable situation.
Besides, there’s “non-sex driven” hormones: cortisol is that stress steroid. Statistics DO back up men dying in jobs from heart attacks, far more than women which has all sorts of arguments going the range of hormones to behaviors.
I do NOT think it’s all one thing. Which is why I started off with seems, way back up there, which is about appearance not reality.
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I never said it was all one thing, or that women’s hormone cycles don’t effect their emotions, or that hormones aren’t more complex than just sex, or really anything you are insinuating I said. My argument is and has been from the beginning that women and men are equally emotionally unstable, but in different ways. It sounds to me like you agree with this statement, though it’s hard to tell, so correct me if I am wrong. I don’t understand what you are angry at me for. I assume you are angry because of the use of caps locks. Forgive me if I am wrong.
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I see we have hit kind of a wall.
I’m glad no young writers will be able to come across this thread organically, can you imagine trying to actually implement these rules in your story?
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That’s what my brain says at least once everyday.
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