It's a blurb again. Between Roses blurb. Help please.

I did put this through Grammarly.


Seventeen-year-old Eryn has a rather ordinary, albeit drama-filled, teenage life in New Soleil when an old bracelet chucks her into a realm of chaos and magic. A madness monster controls the people and creatures, turning them on her. They all want her for a power she didn’t know she had, which could destroy the monster.

Eryn frees an army captain, Ace, from the monster’s mind-control, but she has no idea how. Ace and his soldiers see her as a beacon of hope. Eryn could save them all. But the madness monster grows stronger and threatens the lives of those Eryn has begun to care about. She must figure out how to control her power before it’s too late.

Tick-tock, tick-tock…


Tempted to say “in the state of New Soleil” also tempted to take out the name of the state.

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Looks really good :heart_eyes:

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I’d leave this bit.

They all wish to claim the power she didn’t know she had…

I’d leave out the reason for this.

An entity of pure madness infects the peoples and creature, turning them against her.

Accidentally freeing the mind of Ace, an army Captain, she is now seen as a beacon of hope.

In a race against time, and the ever growing powers of madness, Eryn must figure out how to control her own power, and bring freedom to those she now cares about.

Tick-tock, tick-tock…

This may help, and it’s a little more condensed. But I feel that it still hits all the points you wish to portray.

SD

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Seventeen year-old Eryn has a rather ordinary, albeit drama-filled, teenage life in New Soleil. When an old bracelet chucks her into a realm of chaos and magic. She discovers an Entity of pure madness has infected the peoples and creatures, turning them against her. As they all wish to claim the power she didn’t know she had.

Accidentally freeing the mind of Ace, an army Captain, she is now seen as a beacon of hope. In a race against time, and the ever growing powers of madness, Eryn must figure out how to control her own power, and bring freedom to those who she cares about…

Tick-tock, tick-tock…

There, I’ve placed a line where it should have been as it seemed a little mixed up when I looked at it again.

Hope this helps you, and all the best!

SecretDurham

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Thank you! It helps a lot! :blush:

I also got some additional comments in an FB writer’s group, so I got a bit of thinking to do.

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Thank you! :blush:

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You’re welcome!

SD

Okay so, I was making a video bit about blurbs and happened to find this one.

I think I can use this as a template for Eryn’s story.

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