I feel like a truck ran me over, im finally getting over this blasted flu but still feel drained as all get the two and ahalf feet of snow and negative temps aren’t helping. Looks like im only going to be able to get one chapter out this week last two weeks have been horrrible with this flu and probably a good dose of burnout
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I think this is amazing because characters that age have so much life experience. It can affect a story very differently than a protagonist that’s a teen or in their 20s. Even a retired military vet will have his reflexes honed into him, but our bodies do grow older over time. I think because I’m an older person (not even close to eldery lol but not 20 either), I appreciate these characters more because they have limitations, but can still be bad ass. They’ll also have been there for certain big events so it’s interesting when the books/news paints it one way, and they’re like, no sonny, that’s not what happened. Believe me, I was there. So much potential!
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Oh no! Please get your rest and let your body recover. The flu sucks. 
I took a break from my AU and went back to the main novel. Writing it feels slow now, not because I don’t know what to write, but because when I think of the sheer amount of writing that I actually have to write, it’s starting to feel like… how the hell do I do this? Like, how many friggin’ months/years is it going to take me to write this whole story down? Anyone else ever feel like that?
Literally have the whole world, stories, backstories, all in my head and notes. But man… writing is… a lot. 
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So, an update: we ended up not doing any actual reading 
I showed up at my friend’s place a little earlier than initially planned. Shortly after he opened the door and let me in, he told me that he went to bed at 5:00 a.m. and got up at 8:00 a.m. 
he was understandably not feeling the greatest. It did make me feel a little guilty, but he assured me that if he really didn’t want to, he would’ve texted me to cancel anyway. After putting my stuff on his couch, I produced the sachet of Sweet France Tea—which he may have forgotten about—and he got the water ready. While waiting for the water to filter and then boil, we talked about some life stuff. Some tea stuff. Then we moved to the living room to chat more cozily.
We ended up yapping for more than an hour. I asked him if he’d like to start the reading sesh, then he admitted that the lack of sleep—coupled with the tea—was making him too drowsy to be in the mood for reading 
so we ended up talking some more. We played a round of chess too. And then talked some more. Before I left, we ended with a brief jam session—I got to borrow his acoustic guitar while he played his electric guitar 
And another funny and somewhat awkward thing that happened: I was talking about how some people said that two of my characters, Eddie and Edin, are basically the same character just because they share a lot of similarities on the surface. (Spoiler alert: they’re not, and the deeper you dig, the more different they appear.) I started listing them out: “They’re both blond, blue-eyed, pale, with a lanky build…”
My friend appeared to be counting with his fingers.
“…and they both control fire and lightning.”
“Oh, I check most of those boxes.”
It only then occurred to me that my friend was also a blond (and blue-eyed? I’ve forgotten his eye color) white man with a lanky build 
I was like, noooo, please don’t get the wrong idea add him to the list of people who like to tease me for “going after white men” while ignoring the fact that all my major crushes before my one white ex boyfriend were Asian.
Which also reminds me of this little convo I’ve had with an online friend:
Anyway, we might be able to do some actual reading on Thursday. I asked him if he’d be free on a Tuesday, and he said that although he would technically be free then, Tuesday was also the day he’d get groceries. I then asked him if he’d be free on Thursday—there’s this Mexican restaurant a short trip away that sells tacos for $1.99 each on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He said Thursday would work better. We haven’t finalized all the details, but we’ll probably grab dinner or takeout there and then finish up with some reading at his apartment
The reading exchange turned into a hangout that had a bunch of stuff that was not reading. Welp. At least it was fun!
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I wrote about 600 words recently! Its definitely a good start after a month of nothing
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I never write about current events, but I’m so close to writing about one based on them right now.
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I have to start chapter 11 at some point today.
Why writing so hard every draft bad me no want to type, good thing for night-mode or the blue screen would’ve blazed my sockets clean by now.
SAME omg, sometimes I sit here like writing out chapters and a little voice in my head is like: you can do better–but I have so much to do, and how many more?
Talk about variation as well, my draft has gone through so many changes. The main plot beats never alter, but everything around it shifts and swirls depending on my depth and capabilities. I started writing my story at 15 (took a huge break between then) started back when I was around 23–and now three years have passed, and it’s different from the OG draft… and the OG draft of the OG draft… it’s a lot.
But, I’m certain that once it’s free from my mind I will have peace… until peace encourages me to do it all over again.
Why did I pick this passion again? Aha. Maybe it picked me and I am possessed. Help? Exorcism, anyone?
But I do like my demons 
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The older, more cynical part of me thinks that you should take care just in case, if this reader friend of yours thinks you might be interested in him in that way. You’re hanging out at his place, you’re veering off topic, and not exchanging stuff to read anymore, conversations becoming more personal… You’re going out to eat together. He hasn’t slept, but made a specific effort because he wanted to see you?
Just, uh, be careful. I hope he truly is a sweetie. He doesn’t sound like he’s tried anything funny, but you’d be surprised at how a “nice” guy can suddenly turn when he’s rejected. Unless you might be interested in him too, then totally ignore me. Just looking out. I’ll mind my business now. 
I’m glad you had fun.
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I haven’t written much at all. Just scenes playing endlessly in my head as I work this contract job that I still don’t know whether it’ll be permanent, and still have no idea if I’ll be unemployed in a few weeks. I feel like I can’t truly relax or be creative until I know whether I can reliably keep a roof over my head. (sigh) 
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Oh don’t worry, but I appreciate the concern! Your reply lowkey just opened a can of worms mostly because you’re reminding me of this other writer friend we have who’s much more romantically frustrated, as well as a bunch of other conversations.
Now, where do I begin?
So this friend and I met at an in-person writers’ meetup late last year, I wanna say sometime in September? At first, we’d sit together because we were the only other faces we’d recognize on Mondays. It wasn’t until November when we hung out outside of write nights for the first time: a full-day hot chocolate run that ran from sometime at noon till late at night, because I was determined to try and rate every good cup of hot chocolate in the city and he was itching to do something fun after moving into his new apartment. We had also been talking about reading each other’s stories, but it wasn’t until recently that he finally put some chapters up, because he wanted to build a backlog first. (He’s currently six chapters into his novel, whereas I’m… working on Chapter 61 )
And about Taco Thursday, it ended up not happening because he got bogged down by other stuff in life, so he had to cancel he did mention rescheduling it, so I guess I’ll just bring it up next Monday
About relationships, some of our longest conversations were about our exes. I was surprised that he had four, and meanwhile he was surprised that I had “only” one and also bonded over how both of us aren’t currently looking to date anyone, especially since I’m currently in a situation that’s too stressful and unstable for me to consider romance
And remember that romantically frustrated mutual friend I mentioned earlier? At our last hangout, the two of us were just like, “Maybe he should spend less time trying to score a date and instead focus more on doing other things, because he doesn’t seem to be taking things healthily at the moment.”
Oh, he is! I’m not too worried about him from what I’ve seen. He grew up in more gender-equal or female-dominated environments, and he even took a class in college that focused on feminism in film.
Meanwhile, I’m the crass person in the friendship I’ve been in male-dominated environments since kindergarten (I’m talking class ratios of 9:2, 17:5, or 20:1) and studied engineering at an engineering school. I’ve had someone tell me, “Wow, you were not kidding when you said most of your friends are dudes.”
And speaking of rejection, I’ve actually friend-zoned one of my college friends when he confessed that he had a small crush on me (even though I had a small crush on him back, but didn’t want to date anyone at the time). We’re still good friends to this day, and in fact, we’ve both told each other, “I’m so glad we didn’t end up dating”
I’m either lucky or there’s something about me that scares the creeps away 
then again, I’ve told people I’ve purposefully kicked my brother in the balls before ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I forgot what other stuff I wanted to say.
Oh yeah.
It’s also a running joke among many of my American circles that I have a thing for white dudes. Well, they’re not totally wrong, but it’s still funny how they ignore all my Asian crushes and instead focus on that one white ex and my two blond and blue-eyed protagonists
and this kind of thing too, I guess
Flashback to my ex telling me he would not dye his hair blond for me I didn’t even want him to dye his hair.
To be completely honest, I don’t know myself all I know is that I like spending time with him. I’m a little too stressed right now regardless to think of pursuing him—or anyone—romantically 
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