Subtle things that make you go "nope" on first dates

The Necromancer's Lair
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All righty, I’m still stuck on trying to start my new novel idea, and this is my third attempt. I don’t like starting a story too slow, I kind of feel like I should throw the reader in the middle of something versus take two or three chapters to lead up to it?

Anyway, so the MC is on a date after a dangerous encounter she had with gangsters the night before. Said date has no idea, and at some point, the gangsters are asking around about her (with a photo/description bc she knows something she shouldn’t). I figured they could be on a date at some kind of carnival/festival. Anyway, said date, when he goes to fetch drinks or something, gets asked about a girl with her description by the mobsters, and he not only gives her up, but runs out of there like a bat out of hell. So I thought it’d be funny to start chapter 1 with like, “Hints that your date sucks” and with a short list where the last item says something like, “He gives you up to mobsters.” :laughing: And then the story takes you into where she’s running/hiding from said mobsters giving chase. :thinking:

Problem is, I’ve been out of the dating pool for years, and I can’t even remember what kinds of things annoyed me on a first date? And not in a “OMG this guy is an a$$/psycho” way, but little, subtle things that eventually add up, and you’re like, nah, not going on a second date. Any suggestions? Made up or based on real life experiences?

The one date I do remember, the guy showed up kind of drunk I think, but I wasn’t sure until we passed by the deli, and he threw his arm around me, and told the cashier, “I’m gonna marry this girl.” I was like… Hahahaha… (runs the hell out of there) :scream: But that’s a more extreme example lol

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  1. Refusing to pick up the check or even just split it after ordering the most expensive item on the menu.
  2. Talking about their ex the entire time.
  3. Getting embarrassingly drunk.
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Ah yes, the ex part! How they talk about their exes say a lot about them too. Even if whatever they’re saying is true, it doesn’t look good when you’re calling your ex every nasty name in the book. Some things you should keep to yourself on a first date lol

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Even saying nice things about them can be bad too, because it can indicate that they haven’t gotten over their ex and want to go back to them, which means they aren’t really interested in you. It’s better just to not bring up the subject at all. At least not on a first date.

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I went on one date once with a guy from Tinder. He invited me out to see a new movie. We decided to choose when we got there. Thought ‘all right then’. Turned up dressed up in like a nice dress (casual but you know nice) and he was in tracksuit- like full tracksuit. Normally, I dont judge people for clothes, but I do expect on a first date a bit of effort. Then, he decided the film, took me up to the counter, ordered himself a ticket, some popcorn and walked off without even asking whether we were splitting the tickets/food, just did it.

I’m not usually up for “the man pays” but I do expect like if someone invites me on a date to offer. I’d always be like “no, no, I will” thing, but he was so rude.
Then half way through the film, he finishes his popcorn and starts eating mine that he didnt offer to pay for. Like not even asked to have some, just put his hand in.
Then after the date, tells me he has to go shopping for socks and I’m like :eyes: cool, bye then? But turns out he expected me to go and help him
After the date, he then messages me like “so, second date? I love you.”
yeah, I’m usually like pretty laid back but he was just icky. Red flags. MAJOR ones, and I’m usually up for halving expenditure on a date, but he was just so rude about it.

. Another first date I went on was really, really lovely. This guy drove up to my university place (I met him in my hometown and had studying to do that weekend, but we were messaging and he decided after I sounded stressed that I needed a break so asked me if it was all right to come over and take me out on a date.) He took me to a pub, bought me a drink, we spent four hours there just talking. At the time, I was really attracted to him, the date went really well
He walked me back to my place (the pub was literally across the road), he held my hand and everything. He was super sweet. Invited me out on a second date, I accepted.
We kept on messaging the next day, and then he starts saying “I’m about to book us tickets to go to Paris on your summer break and I’ll take you to buy an engagement ring”
I was sat there, took a break from my work and was like WHAT? We’d been messaging for just a few days, only been on one date. It was a successful date, but uh, marriage? Not even my husband was that quick, and we were a whirlwind romance XD
I kind of cooled it off after that, I really liked him, and he seemed to be one that got away, but if he was that intense, it kind of scared me off a little bit. Eventually, he found someone else, and so did I but yeah XD

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Disliking animals. All animals, not specific ones.

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  • Condescending comments toward yourself and/or others
  • Insulting you without them believing they’re insulting you
  • Gaslighting - both small and large (kinda links to above e.g., denying the comment and saying you’re overreacting)
  • Being full of themselves
  • Only talking about themselves and not letting you speak
  • Changing the topic to themselves
  • Being an idiot/jerk
  • Lacking basic common sense
  • Only being in it 'cause they think they’ll get laid on the first date

Yeah, mainly those things are an immediate no

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Disliking Oscar.

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literally never been on a date but here’s some little things that might work x)

  • chewing with mouth open the whole time. smack smack smack smack sma-stfu
  • being rude to waitstaff/cashiers/ect.
  • casual littering
  • excessively mentions their “anger issues”
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Paris and an engagement ring?! Eek! I mean sounds like a dream, but yeah, should’ve waited at least a few months haha that popcorn moocher dude though. Ick.

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Subtle things that would make me nope out on a date would catch me on a first meeting:

  1. Subtle invasions of personal space.
  2. The way he talks about people around us. Not asking for full-on PC behavior, but future disrespect of me is seen in disrespect of other people, so some of that flex to impress on a date is walking on the waitstaff, for example.
  3. Sense of humor matching: it’s not a matter of food or bad, but if I can’t find his jokes funny, I’m going to be mad at his comments the longer I hear them, if I’m behaving like most people.
  4. Music that I detest on for too long. I’m not listening to that for the rest of my life.
  5. Incompatible religious views/general ideologies: I prefer to not to be pulled in 2 different directions. Not that I care if people make decisions for themselves, but there’s just a limit of how much resentment-baggage I’ll tolerate daily because we’re not on the same page.
  6. Yet someone who cannot voice their own opinion is equally as annoying. We shouldn’t agree 24/7, either.
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I once had a date after finals in college and I was super stressed about my grades. The guy I was dating asked if I was stressed because ‘Aunt Flo was in town’ :grimacing: The same guy also talked about his many friends with benefits and said if we didn’t work out as a couple, we could always go to that ‘arrangement’. For reference, we only talked a few times in class during the semester. I knew his name and we sat near each other in class, but not anything more.

Gotta say, that was the worst first date I had ever had. It was also the only time I escaped with the bathroom trick :sweat_smile:

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Oh God, he sounds horrible! Ewww, what a jerk! :scream: He would’ve asked me about Aunt Flo and I would’ve been like, you know what, you’re right? I’m way too emotional for dates right now. I’m going home, bye! :laughing:

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That’s true about the humor matching. Not everyone finds the same stuff funny. What one person thinks is funny, another might think is immature or insensitive. Not to mention, some people’s idea of “funny” is talking sh*t about anyone/everyone. So it has to make you wonder, if they can talk smack about these people I’ve never met, they’ll probably talk smack about me.

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Yeah, I can handle jokes at my expense, especially ones where it’s clear that it’s done in love. It’s harder on my husband. I’ve had to tone down a lot for him and he’s had to toughen up.

But there is stuff beyond what I will tolerate, mostly in clear maliciousness and life endangering pranks.

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