A while back there was a mythological thread called “The Fantasy Tavern”. However, it fizzled out with irritation after the update gods ruined it, but as a new years treat it’s getting reopened!
So, pull out the platonic ideal of a virtual barstool and have a look at the menu.
This it the place to sit down, order a virtual drink, and chat with the Tavern Keeper. That’s me if it wasn’t obvious.
Also, we’re looking for co-workers, if you think you’re made of the wrong stuff, apply inside with suggestions for your own concoctions that will be added to the menu if deemed worthy.
Keep it civil, and if possible fantasy or sci-fi related. Awkward attempts at humour and role-playing are encouraged. Most things are allowed but try to stay away from obvious self-promotion.
Menu:
Snacks:
Small bowls of lightly salted mortal souls.
The eternal pig roast buffet. When we say eat as much as you want, we really mean is more than you want.
Soylent-green unicorn-jerky. Stop asking where it comes form, you don’t want to know.
Harpy-wings served with spicy blood-sauce.
Alcoholic drinks:
Dragons: Fire-water, self-explanatory.
Cyclops: Googly-eye ogle-wine, not for the faint of cross-eyed.
Goblins
Sock-goblin beer sweaty for that extra zing.
Hobble-goblin beer for when you don’t want to be able to walk straight.
Darwfs: The Dwarven flapjack, a stout mixed with pancake batter that’s quickly chugged. Inventor claims it’s Absolutely delicious.
Vampire: Bloody idiot, served slightly chilled in the body of a heavy alcoholic.
Dryad: Sap-cocktails mixed with an organic fertilizer as the energy-drink base.
Hydra: Buckets-o-raki-shots, just buckets and buckets of Raki.
Kraken: “Barrels of fun” a drinking game where you never know if you’re going to get a barrel of rum or a barrel of hiding soggy pirate, either way it’s good. Just mix with your own ink and couple of drops of seawater. Sip slowly.
Satyr: White-Satyr, goat-milk, and ambrosia (preferably freshly stolen form Zeus).
For colds: The nine-tailed green tea and vodka fox toddy, 100% fox free.
For the adventurous drinker:
Tail-eaters: The ouroboros unmentionable, guaranteed to contains trace amount of cranberry juice, mixed with lemon and vinegar. May contain varying degrees of unmentionables, user experience can vary.
The binary mind-explosives, separately recommended for all audiences, and especially for family dinners.
Sunshine Blast for mental health: A fun mix of legal and illegal drugs, sedatives and stimulants, guaranteed to help you get through a family meal without murder (no guarantees), comes in green tea or iced peach white tea- perfect for summer!
The Alexa: the perfect blend of caffeine, tequila, dragon’s breath and Jupiter’s moon dust. Designed to give you the strength to murder off MC’s.
For Mind-flayers: The Mind-bomb mix. Lay waste to the last of your faculties by submarining a shot of Alexa into a Sunshine Blast. Unsuitable for all but the strongest of wills. The Tavern accepts no responsibility for side-effects, whether it be pulling your face off and eating it, or going to a higher level of existence of pure happiness, and anything inbetween.
Spice-lovers:
Rainbow’s AHOOHA, cocktail of papaya vodka and pineapple juice charged with lightning magic. Better than sticking a fork in an electrical outlet and twice the buzz!
Shock Horror, for those who aren’t satisfied with the buzzing in their ears, burnings sensation, and smell of burnt hair that comes with the Rainbow’s AHOOHA. We now present the Shock Horror! Just add a shot of Nanny Ogg’s scumble.
Ghosts: Pure spirits and nothing but spirits, not watered down at all.
Bard’s Tears: the smoothest spirit you’ll ever drink from a dented lute.
For the metaphysical drinker:
For dyslexic writers: The Typo, made with mangled and pressed bookworms aged in the finest literature as bookmarks that are sold exclusively to dragons and witches. The drink smells of old books and tastes like dried ink. Perfect for that one in a thousand customer who can drink between the lines.
Non-alcoholic but not necessarily non-toxic:
Unicorn: Forgotten-forrest mist (Vape), nice and pretentious.
Villains: The bound and gagged fairy-blood special, comes with one live fairy, one small bottle of pesticides, and one sterile syringe. Drink or snack as you see fit, but the house recommends tainting the fairy with the pesticide and using the syringe to extract the blood. Leaving a dried out fairy snack for after. Some claim this is the ultimate hangover cure.
Force-users: Meth of a Death, the Soul Soup. A soul of an addict, laced with hallucinogens, and the tears of of the eminently whiny Anakin Skywalker.
Dinner menu:
Good vibe curry, made with starlight, seasoned with unicorn horn for extra wibbly-wobbly vibiness.
Mount Olympus party platter, surf and turf with medusa-chips, mermaid, and minotaur. The three Ms of unclean living.
The authentic tavern experience, Sacrificial Dragon Pasta! You make the blood-sauce! An experience you’ll never forget! BYOS (Bring your own sacrifice) or buy one from us, you chose!
Dessert menu:
Hob-goblin-chip cookies, made with real hob-goblin chips. None of that artificial goblin flavour!
Elf blood brownies, mmmn that’s bloody good.
Cyclops-eye cream, like cream of mushroom soup but more evil.
Witchy candy apples, sweeter than soft words spoken to a lover, rumoured to help you find true love… or die trying.
Toppings:
Ice-queen ice-cream, bought separately with order of at least one desert.
