Okay here’s the deal, I’m editing my book and I got a comment/recommendation from one beta reader that I didn’t get from any of the others. I’ve gone through the section a few times now and I don’t think I’m seeing what the reader saw, but I’m still stuck on the comment. And thus I come to you, dear Wackies.
The section is a chapter and a half (a little over 2800 words), there are some content warnings that are pretty mild but i’ll leave a specific list, and it would help me out a lot if anyone who has a spare minute could skim through it and let me know:
does the character Linc’s progression from d*ckhead to threatening come off as sudden and/or jarring?
here’s the cw list:
mention of dead wild animal/eating said animal
passing references to cannibalism
guns
one not cool butt touch
and here is a link to the google doc with the scene(s):
if you want to trade for a read-through of one of your own chapters or some blurb or excerpt help or anything like that just let me know, i’m more than happy to exchange!
The only way that someone would see this as escalating too fast is:
They didn’t take the kindergarten teacher talk as sinister enough. “People don’t talk like that out here. Monsters do.” would fix that.
They don’t understand the genre. A shot you KNOW won’t kill is a tool you use even when rational and calm, in a world where the most deadly survive another day. This is expected.
Once the gun has been out for a joke, it’s going to come back out for a fight. None of this is particularly shocking. This ain’t Batman.
As far as reading, I’m not set up for it, right now.
okioki, maybe it’s the kindergarten teacher comment. the reader was really leaning in to the idea that Linc is/should be just a d*ck and not threatening.
but idk i read him as threatening the whole way through, it’s just subtler at the start.
That’s a no-go for the genre. Once a gun is pulled, you’re not dealing with “just a dick” in this setting. You would have to scrap the whole thing to please that mentality–and probably half your story.
I’ve read through it and I don’t particularly see the threatening part, to be quite honest. I mean, I also don’t know your character and what they’re capable of, or what the deal is with the setting. But Linc comes off as this slimy wannabe kinda gangsta style that you never know what to expect from. He might be dangerous, he might be stupid. Or both, which is worse. But I didn’t necessarily feel threatened as I was reading, because your MC talks back on several occasions. Imo someone who feels threatened won’t exactly feel up to talking back. The general vibe I got was…antsy. Anxious. You don’t know what’s gonna come at you from the dark or if you can trust the people you meet.
that works too tbh, as long as the vibe is in the realm of offputting and not just “hey that guy is kind of a tool”, and it’s not a jarring switch when Linc tries to nab Ragdoll.
iou