A LONG writing vent and I am sorry for that, really I am...

The Chatters All Wellness
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Yeah, I am not a plotter nor planster. I am just a person who writes with a jumbled direction and sees where that takes me. World-building is the exact same until it gets confusing. My AuDHD brain DOES not like planning/outlining/plotting and when I do “like it” I waste time doing that over actual story writing.

It’s a double edged sword. I love writing, but I hate writing without a clearer direction. Project Succession is a prime example of showing potential if the potential wasn’t all over the place. The plot also changes, because I am very unsure where I want the story to go, it doesn’t help that I don’t write things down to help me understand things.

Red Reign was the worst of that and The House of Naivin was too in a way. Pretty much all my stories are a product of me NOT plotting/planning/outlining. Yet when I do, the feeling of being restricted comes and the fun is zapped away or I focus on plotting and planning only to procrastinate in terms of the story.

So, the only gripe I have been having is not staying consistent. Like I want to be published, someday. I just need a clear direction and a straight focus on the story.

Even the titling the stories and chapters are a product of why sticking to one thing and branching a bit out from there is NOT working. I am just writing without a goal plot wise, I mean I write even the potential is so screwed up in a way.

I do love Project Succession, I love Red Reign, and I love The House of Naivin story, truly. I just wished I was better at writing it, in terms of not going all over the place then becoming overwhelmed.

TL;DR- I am TIRED, EXHAUSTED of mind being a troublesome chaos, preventing me from allowing the story to shine.

I never get to the second drafting process and the others drafts too. Not only due to the whole editing process when the story has become too much due to me not knowing what to do, but because I also get bored and just want to focus on something else.

Heavy-ish material coming in:

Proceed with caution:

Why do I really want to publish my work? I know it is a mixture of there’s nobody who creates the kind of stories I do and how I want to know if there is someone wacky like me out there that wants a story, wants a change. I am writing with the notion that someday I will get published. It’s stressful and I don’t know if I can get there. I also fear that if I never get there, I will NEVER get the life I always dreamed of. It’ll be like letting myself down or the child in me. So, I write in hopes that will change, but nothing is changing. It hurts because I compare myself to others and it pisses me off that other writers are doing things to get their works out into the world and I am not. So, I get envious of a life I feel will never come.

If I write strictly as a hobby without the will to publish, then I will never be pleased with the idea of me just writing, but never doing more. I do honestly, feel that I am pressuring and torturing myself by pursuing a dying dream. I don’t have to give up on writing, but the pressure to publish and get better when my mental health can’t allow me that much.

I just want to write and enjoy worldbuilding and hold on to my hobby. My love for writing won’t die, not ever. But my desire for publishing needs to. I am hurting myself by reaching a distant fantasy.

So, I shall write and only that! I need to cut ties with the things that make me envious as a writer. I need to accept that I will never be published, but I don’t want to be either. I am a panster and I want to keep it that way.

Writing is a hobby, an off and on hobby, but still there. As for working towards pursuing my dream job, I HATE the very idea of working in this society and I just need to do what makes me happy and focus on that mentally and emotionally.

Thoughts and feelings?

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I will continue Project Succession, and might even go back to Red Reign again. Even Frostsong and Lionheart will get started…or not just yet.

I don’t know and I am not going to stress about it! I would rather not anymore.

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@NatilladeCoco
@JohnnyTuturro
@J.L.O
@Akje
@alenatenjo
@SecretDurham
@MatthewJH
@lowarlo
@MiniMoxx
@NotARussianBot

I need to stop feeling terrible for “letting” people down in some way. Like I need to accept that publishing is dead, but love for writing and world-building will not.

I just want to write as many stories before old age claims me. I don’t know what my thoughts will be like years from now, I don’t want to worry until it comes.

I just want to write and stop stressing. Got any thoughts, because I don’t want my mind to be changed?

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The most important thing is to enjoy writing. Give yourself time to allow these ideas to develop.

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My love for writing is everlasting. However, my love for publishing is a flippant thing. If I had to choose one or the other, in terms of hobby or career, I prefer to stick with the hobby.

I need to be brutally honest, because I NEVER wanted a career as an author, at least not any more. I just want to write as many stories as I can before I am an old graying woman who can’t physically write anymore.

So, yeah, I am saying I don’t want to publish, I just want to write as a hobby for the rest of my life.

I don’t need to plot/plan/outline, just write for fun without any clear direction.

Sorry for the rambling! LOL!

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@NotARussianBot I don’t mind sharing a bit of my writing joys, but honestly I need to not concern myself with publishing.

I also need to kill off this need to watch YouTubers vlogging which is another cause of me stressing myself out to get published. I want their lifestyle, but in terms of publishing fiction as an author.

I need the dream to die, but I want the hobby to continue on living.

That’s all.

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Omg I know what you mean about the YouTube envy! I’ve had to stop following certain people because of that. It’s so unfair that they had rich parents who set up a college trust fund for them before they were even born and they grew up with all the advantages, and went to a good university where a famous author teaches the creative writing classes. They don’t even have to worry about student loans when getting that MFA and now they’re likely to get an agent and a publishing deal just because of connections, wealth and opportunities the rest of us never had. And did I mention the house they’re filming from is absolutely gorgeous, their clothes are designer labels and oh! So happy they could afford the most expensive equipment for filming their videos. Argh. (-᷅_-᷄๑)

But with an excruciating amount of hard work, the rest of us could get there too. It just won’t come as easy and will take way longer, but we can do it! I think we can.

Have you tried not plotting the action, but rather the character arc instead? Then you’re not really plotting per se, but you’ll have a fix on where the story is ultimately headed if you stay true to the character arc. You just need to know the most important parts of the story anyhow: the internal conflict and how the character changes. ¯\_(ﭢ)_/¯

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Is this for hobby purposes or for publishing endeavors? I asked because I am no longer pursuing publishing, but I still prefer to write strictly as a hobby.

Sorry if it seems rude.

And yes, I do agree about YouTubers. Even if they aren’t rich or hail from a wealthy background, just seeing their lives in motion unlike mine just makes me truly envious and stressed out. I don’t like it and I need to stop torturing myself for what could’ve been and won’t be.

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Take the work of today for today. The mom’s grouo Im in says editing and filling in empty holes is “future me’s problem”. If you let editi g rt you down, you wont have finished 0 drafts when youre finally ready to edit.

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I am finishing Project Succession, just no longer going with publishing it anymore.

I miss my hobby.

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I know this thread took a really weird turn after me complaining about my inability to plot/plan/outline a story for reasons, but it was to vent out a bit of frustrations in regards to publishing and stressing myself out with wanting to publish the story and other things, pertaining to my mental health.

I want to stop pressuring myself to obtain this goal and get bitter that it isn’t happening fast enough.

I don’t want to pursue being a publish author, I want that dream to remain forever dead.

I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS love writing and worldbuilding.

@J.L.O @Akje @NotARussianBot

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Writing is writing to me. Whether it’s to publish or for a hobby, it’s still the same process. But yay that you’re not going to pressure yourself anymore. Didn’t know you were, but glad that you’re not anymore. Pressure always kills my creativity, so I assume it does the same for other people. Maybe with the pressure off, you’ll finally finish something and edit it, then discover you’d like to publish it after all. (*＾-‘) 乃

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It feels like you really want me to publish my stories someday.
How come? I don’t mean to sound rude, just curious!

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@Akje mentioned YouTube envy. I also get jealous of people who publish (ahead of me, how dare they, right? :stuck_out_tongue: :sweat_smile: ) because they have the time, money, and all the support in the world.

I get into “jealousy-writing-rut” phases where I feel de-motivated to write when I see others publishing before me.

I get out of that by reminding myself how much I just LOVE Eryn and her wacky friends in Underland and Upperland. And Pinti and how she struggles so hard to be strong and then still finds things to smile about. And the entire world of Elgana and oh, how I never thought I would even FINISH a book EVER after a 7-year writing project that totally flopped.

Then I think, yeah, I like writing. And there’s people in their sixties who are newly published authors.

You know, I’ll eventually get there if I wanted to.

As for your struggle, it seems to be something you go back and forth with from time to time. I see you have a really good writing streak for a while and then, maybe reality hits you or something? You get into this negative-thoughts, venting spiral. But then you climb out of it and have a good writing streak again.

Idk if this thing you’re going through is along this same loop or not, but I have noticed this tendency in you (I’m just observant :grin: )

Then don’t edit.

There was this girl I met in college who had written 4 book drafts (at the time I hadn’t even finished ONE and I was so jealous :sweat_smile: ) and her goal was to just write more drafts, not to polish a novel. I thought that was a good first goal to have as a beginning writer, so I tried hard to put my editing self aside and just focus on finishing something.

I decided to just have a bunch of finished things (even if they suck) instead of trying to edit which I definitely was struggling with. Sometimes you have to accept that you’re learning and you might still suck at editing. It’s not going to be fast at all. In fact, you might even discourage yourself. I was definitely there.

I did get up the courage to do NaNoWriMo a few years later and try to win it, a.k.a, try to finish something. I also used NaNoWriMo to finish my 7-year project which I did finish book one and tried to edit it again, but it wasn’t working at all. I still wasn’t ready! Bummer! So, I tossed it to the side because I had other ideas and other things I wanted to continue writing.

I kept with “try to finish more drafts” like the girl did. Just drafts. I’ll collect them like I collect postcards. I would post those drafts to writing websites just to feel more of a sense of accomplishment. Then, many years later, when I felt ready to edit, I would edit. By then, I had enough experience to self-edit without the 7-year struggle.

And now, I can self-edit, with minimal struggle. At least, I know what I’m doing. To get here was a LONG and HARD process. And, guess what? I’m still learning :sweat_smile: It never ends. We’re only human, Qualeshia, we can’t help it :stuck_out_tongue:

Maybe you’re just not there yet, and that’s okay :blush: Just write for your fun. Write all those stories out of your system. If you’re going to publish, it’s good to have more than one draft anyway :wink:

Yes, do that, too. I stopped watching certain YouTubers who have succeeded in the publishing realm because it just…UGH they are too darn lucky. Bleh :melting_face:

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Having AuDHD, I get in these moments where I endure constant loops because that is all I know. I don’t have many people making sure I stick to something and stay on path. I don’t have any good professionals to lean me on the path to staying away from constant habits.

So, I just want to break the cycle for good. I am tired of going in a vicious cycle.

So, no, I don’t want to publish, I just want to write. I don’t like working nor my livelihood to become hectic! I just want to stick to my hobbies and strive to heal bit by bit in terms of my mental health.

I don’t care about publishing anymore, I can’t keep caring and going in circles.

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I always tell my partner this, but your mental health is so, so, so important. I even tell him if his job is so stressful at any point and he wants to up and quit, he should. Mental health can affect your body health, too. So, take good care of yourself, Qualeshia!

You know your friends here support you in whatever you decide to do :blush: And that includes me :grin: :hugs:

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True and thank you!

I will share snippets of my story in terms of progression and what not. Because I love the potential and that is all.

I love sharing my work a little, just a little.

:grin:

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Oh no, if you really don’t want to, then definitely don’t. It would just stress you more, worrying about what readers and reviewers think of your book. I just meant that you might change your mind again if you finish a work and then reread it while editing. There’s always that moment for all of us when we read our finished work and say, “Oh my god, this is actually pretty awesome! I should publish this!” (˘ᴗ˘ღ)

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I get you, but thanks anyway for commenting.

So, I am writing purely as a hobby.

:blush:

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I’m a none focused writer… I have a very rough idea for a chapter, and just write… Sometimes it goes in that direction that I wanted and sometimes it just meanders around without direction… The thing is, I finish the chapter and read it back… As I do, I find the parts where it is aimless and then correct the direction from there… Sometimes it works well, and other times it still needs that bit of polishing…

As for being published… It would be nice, but I don’t think it will happen. So I just write because I have tales to tell. If one person reads it and enjoys it, I have accomplished much and I’m happy with that.

SD

SD

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