Adulting

Hi guys! It’s been a while since I’ve popped in here. There’s been a lot going on. I just turned 18!! Wooo :partying_face:
So, now I’m an adult (merely by law lol I still have a lot to learn) and I would like to ask all of you old ( :wink: ) folks to give advice. What things do you wish you had known as a new adult? What do you wish someone had told you as an 18 year old? What lessons have you learnt the hard way? What mistakes should us new adults avoid?

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This is the time you need to learn everything you possibly can about any topic that interests you.

Keep a journal to track your goals, open a bank account, check your email. Most of all, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

When dealing with bureaucracy, persistence always wins.

Animals that you hate are worthy of more respect than you might imagine.

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I’m about to turn 25, and I don’t have any answers to these questions. I still feel like I know nothing even though it’s been a few years now xD I will say, that even though I don’t know a lot, people say I’m doing good for myself, so I guess my advice is to trust yourself and what NotARussianBot said: don’t be afraid to ask for help or guidance

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Adulting doesn’t come with a manual. But I will say one thing: Don’t get your serious adulting advice from TikTok thanks :joy:

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As someone on the cusp of a quarter-life crisis;

  • Keep your ego in check, let it go and accept advice from people who know things better than you and who have a bigger lived experience.

  • Take every opportunity that comes professionally, personally, educationally; just go for it if you think it’s beneficial. You might just make your dreams come true. Even if you don’t get it, you’d have tried at least.

  • Start managing your finances immediately, it’s a shitty world out there so yeah get to it. And don’t let anyone else manage it… like your parents or partner.

  • Look after your mental health, practice mindfulness and get help if you need it. (I fell into clinical depression once the high of being a uni student waned.)

  • Don’t compare your life trajectory to other people. (So what if Elena from law has two homes and is spending all summer in St. Barths while you’re still stuck in a uni sponsored shared house, roaming the English countryside high on mushrooms trying to find your supervisor’s shitty allotment to dig potatoes? Her life is no more fulfilling than yours. And those potatoes were delicious.)

  • Don’t join a cult. Please don’t.

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This is some really good solid advice, my friend. If you don’t mind, I am going to add a few points here from my experiences.

:100:

Yes, you will get a lot of experience from that. Even if it’s a summer job or a part-time job. Or voluntary work. It all adds up in the end. Put everything (within reason) on that CV.

Yes, and don’t spend money on things you want but do not need. And if you need something new, please shop around. I’ve been able to get pretty much brand new/open box products with a reasonable amount of discount knocked off them. And if you’re on eBay, don’t be afraid to use the offer tool and collect coupons. Save as much as you can.

And take breaks if you have to and are burned out, or not sleeping properly. Don’t drive yourself to the brink of insanity and think you can cope with everything when you need help.

Yes, this. If you want to live your whole life, please don’t. Don’t end up killing people for some deranged weirdo, who thinks they have good intentions or sinister ones. And don’t get brainwashed into wasting your life at a compound under fear when you could be out living it.

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People will come and go in life and a lot of relationships are not permanent. That does not mean that they are not worth it. Be friendly, make connections, cherish family and friends, but also know when it’s time to move on. Do not stay in a toxic relationship of any kind. You are worth more than that and deserve better. Also keep in mind that it is ok if you still love these people when they are hurting you. It’s hard to let go sometimes. It’s like that quote “I still want to see you eat, just not at my table.” You can care about them and still keep them from doing any more damage in your life. Cherish the good friendships you have for as long as you can though. These people will have your back and stay by your side to help you when things get rough. Having good friends/family relationships can mean the difference between thriving in life and life falling apart. If they care about you, and you care about them and do the same for them, they will always make sure you are taken care of.

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Welcome to adult life! It’s exactly the same as teenage life only people expect you to magically know how to do everything perfectly and be the mature one. There is no way to avoid making mistakes, you will make them. Just try not to get put into jail. If you can do that much, you’re doing better than a lot. There are people in their 50s who still haven’t figured out this adulting thing so try not to be too worried about it. We’re all absolutely clueless :joy:

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First of all, happy belated birthday!! :partying_face: I’m not old by any means, though I am older than you and do feel old every day. :rofl: I’m turning twenty-six in March and boy, adulting is rough. And I haven’t even grazed the surface. :sweat_smile:

Some basic tips for adulting:

  1. Budget!

As cost of living keeps rising, you’ll quickly learn that you don’t have the money you need for things you may want or may need. So when you get paid from your jobs, it’s best to split your money up and budget it however you need. Pay bills first. Always. Phone, car, rent… whatever it is, you want your bills paid first. As for shopping, when it comes to food and daily necessities, it’s best to pick out the cheap off-brand stuff and then if you have money left over or you have—what I call—a “fun paycheck” where a good sum doesn’t go to bills, you can use the extra money on things your wanting or needing and couldn’t afford before. Budgeting definitely helps you shop smarter and save money.

  1. Don’t get a whole bunch of credit cards.

If you don’t have a credit card yet, you should get one so you can build your credit score. There’s some okay recommendations on Credit Karma and definitely choose the ones that don’t have yearly fees (because that’s a rip off). But the problem with credit cards, that I also have trouble with, is that they shouldn’t be used irresponsibly. Like it’s fake money—the point is to use it and then pay it back. Normal debit cards don’t have a reward system (whereas credit cards do) and they also don’t add to your credit score, so the thing I had learned was to buy something with the credit card and then instantly put money back on from the debit card (pay off what you have). However, if you’re like me and the rest of humanity, you’ll probably dip into the credit card and pay it off later. You can still do this, but you want to be careful. I have three credit cards now and I’m already 3.5K in debt because I kept using them for things I needed or times I travelled or Christmas gifts. So if you do it, beware. This also means that the more cards you have, the more in debt you’ll be.

  1. Save as much as you can.

A lot of people can’t save because they tend to spend their money elsewhere. I’ve recently started saving and from the reward money I’ve received through credit cards and my savings, I have a bit over 800 dollars. You don’t have to save 50+ dollars each paycheck. You can start small and do 5-10 dollars. But if you have extra money, definitely put it in. Don’t touch it. Act like it’s not there. The more you continue it, the more you’ll save.

  1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or to ask a question that they may think you should already know.

You’re not alone. There are loads of people who don’t know things. I help people every day who don’t know how to set up an email, how to use a computer, how to do their taxes. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to ask for help.

  1. It’s okay to be a late bloomer.

Not everyone has the same goals, the same experiences. Once you’re eighteen, a lot of people start getting married, having kids, going to college, working at their dream job, buying houses, etc. You don’t have to do these things right away. There are tons of 30 year olds who don’t have these things, tons of 40+ year olds, too. If you’re thinking something is wrong with you because you’re 35 and have never been in a relationship or you’re 42 and have never bought a house or you’re 56 and you’ve never had kids—it’s okay. You can be a late bloomer or just bloom in a whole other direction. And that leads me to my next point.

  1. You don’t need to have it all figured out.

When you turn eighteen, everyone starts feeling pressured for their future. Understand that you don’t need to know what career you need to take or what to do with your life. You’re young, and even when you’re not, you can still do things. There have been 80 year olds graduating colleges or publishing their first book or doing things they love. You don’t need to have it all figured out at the ripe age of 18-25. Now, I’m the case that you do know what you want to do, that’s cool. Start researching that career and how you can get your buns into it. And then make it a reality.

  1. Take care of yourself.

Adulthood sucks. It’s stressful, there’s financial problems, problems you can’t even control or fix, and the people suck. Lots of hate, lots of greed. So take care of your mental health. Do as many self-care days as possible. Travel. Create a bucket list and try to get through it.

  1. At least try.

Don’t be afraid if something seems too far out of reach for you. Like for a job, if you think you’re not qualified for it, don’t be afraid of applying. My sister didn’t want to apply for the job she has now because everyone has a college degree, whereas she doesn’t. My dad applied for her and she got it and now she loves it. I didn’t want to apply to the current job I have because the first time, when I did, they turned me away and I felt like they would do it again. After two years, the job I work at posted an advertisement and I decided to apply. They didn’t hire me the first time, but after a month, they posted it again, and I got hired after a second interview.

If you don’t try, you won’t know if you succeed in the end.

  1. Friendships end.

Truthfully, not everyone in your life—best friends or friends now—is going to stay in your life. People come and go. People change. People lose contact. People have other priorities, other interests, other things that happens in their life than you do. And sometimes, that means ending a friendship, whether abruptly (without you truly realizing it) or on a mutual understanding. I had a best friend break up with me on my 20th birthday over some dumb argument. I’ve had friends who left me while I was still in school only because I moved and they were either fake friends or didn’t want to talk to me after I moved because there wasn’t a point. In the end, you have to accept this happens and find a way to move on. It’s not the end of the world. You’ll find more friends, though there is a small problem with that…

  1. Finding friends as an adult can be difficult.

Once you become an adult with responsibilities like a full-time job, a partner to share a life with, and family (AKA little kids wandering around, taking over every second of your life), it can be hard to find friends or people to actually hang out with. If you can’t find them on your own, then you may only find them at work. Personally, I’m an introvert without actual friends. I hang out with my sister’s friends… when my sister hangs out with them. Some of them adopted me, or at least that’s what they say, but our “hanging out” is only once in a blue moon thing. Otherwise, I have friends at work… but we aren’t on a “after work friendship” thing. So you may have to weave yourself around this mess. xD

  1. Life is too short to deal with toxicity.

If you know of anyone toxic in your life—family, friends—cut them out of it. You don’t need that kind of negativity dragging you down. My brother, for example, is one of them. He’s an alcoholic, has anger problems, is abusive, and is a complete jerk to his family (not much else to the outside world; quite two-faced). He had lived with my family and I off and on over the years while I was still living with my parents, and I did my best to keep in my lane or else I’d suffer his wrath. My parents tried, but they coddled him too much and “gave him space.” Trust me, there were a couple times he went to jail and they bailed him out and all of us girls (there’s five of us kids—one brother, four sisters) judged them hard for it. As soon as he moved out though, back in 2017-2018, we didn’t talk at all. Because my parents were still trying to help fix him, though, I had quite a few times when I did see him off and on, but only for a day or so at a time. Otherwise, I haven’t talked to him in years. I don’t even have his phone number.

Overall, I’m done being nice to people who aren’t nice to me. Especially if they’re supposed to be close to me. If you have them in your life, get rid of them. Life is too short to deal with their toxic traits.

  1. Don’t have kids. Unless you want to.

Kids are not the center of the universe. Are they our future? Perhaps. But in this economy, with the craziness happening today already with school shootings, mass shootings, murders upon murders, and wars… it’s best to save it. However, a lot of people will or may try to pressure you into having kids and that is not their decision. Your body, your choice. But if you do want kids, even in the far future, do prepare yourself. Kids are expensive, they’re hard to deal with, and not everything you learn about parenting is in a Parenting 101 book. xD

  1. If and or when you get married, you are the boss. Remember that.

On the wedding side, if you get married at some point, you may have to face the wrath of your in-laws who want things done in a specific way. Don’t let them be the boss of your wedding. If you want it a certain way, you get to do it a certain way. If they want to, they can have their own wedding. My sister’s wedding was a complete disaster because of her in-laws, but there was also a lot of other things that happened that wasn’t their fault but of the fault of other people.

  1. Learn to cook.

Cooking is exhausting, and one of the things you’ll end up realizing is that most of your life is figuring out what to eat every single day, cooking it, and cleaning it up—whereas when you cook a meal, it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours (on average), and when you clean, it feels like you used every single utensil, pan, and plate from the grocery store. However, even though cooking is horrible (or can be as some enjoy it), you do want to learn how to cook so you can have amazing meals. Experiment with spices and recipes. :wink:

  1. Take responsibility for your life.

This is gonna be harsh, but not everything is boiled down to having no control over your life. You are in control of many aspects of it, such as your habits, your lifestyle, and even your career. If you’re not happy about something in your life, you can always try to change it.

  1. Educate yourself.

If you’re unsure of something, Google is free. If someone tells you something you say or do is offensive, ask why and don’t do it again. If you don’t know how to do something, ask for help or look it up. Learn about it. After all, life is about learning.

  1. Find your passions.

Passions can be either an occupation you want to have or hobbies you want to do. If you have no hobbies, no passions, your life will just be: work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat, and repeat. Now, if you’re content with this, okay. But otherwise, find something you’re interested in and take it in as a hobby or you can turn a hobby into a part-time job so you can make some money on the side.

  1. Take your time when finding an apartment or house.

House or apartment hunting is difficult. There can be a lot, some may be great or not so great, and many are out of your price range or are nearly impossible to get into (thanks to apartment complexes and realtors being dumb with their horrific rules). Don’t just walk into a place and be like, “I’ll take it.” Ask questions about it, things like utilities and monthly rent, and when they raise the rent, or if you’ll have to pay for specific fixes or appliances or whatnot. You also want to make sure they reputable. This is a problem my sister and I had to deal with when we got into our first house (rental) because we live in a small town and everything got rented out within minutes. The one we’re currently in is from someone who isn’t an actual landlord and he never finished fixing the house or doing things he said he would do (like putting up a fence, fixing the pipe leak in the backyard, or putting a divider on the floor in the living room. He also is ripping us off because when we signed the paperwork, he said we’d be able to rent it for 750 a month, then after signing it, he asked for an extra 50 a month (800). We decided to continue because his house was the only one available at the time and just said, “Screw it.” But now, we see houses popping up that are way better for far cheaper rent.

  1. Similarly, take your time with buying a car.

You first want to make sure the car isn’t stolen. This can and does happen. Secondly, you want to buy a car that you know you can actually pay for. And third of all, you want to make sure the car is in good shape—test drive it, have a mechanic look at it, etc. If you pay too much for a car and it breaks down, it can be a lot cheaper to just buy a new one.

  1. Set goals, and work toward them.

And finally, create a bucket list or a set of goals and work toward them. You’ll be much happier when you do achieve them.

AND BONUS: Live like tomorrow is your last day.

You can wake up tomorrow and be hit by a bus. You can fall asleep tonight, but have someone break in your house and murder you. So, always live like it is your last day on Earth.

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But if you do, expect your progeny to make really awful or really good music.

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Welcome to the world of adulting.

I’m 30 and I don’t feel like I’m adulting.

But some things I wish I knew were:

  • How do taxes work and when do I have to really start worrying about them?
  • What is insurance? How do banks work? What’s a VISA and can I get one?
  • Do I still need mom and dad when I go to the hospital or can I handle it on my own? (most of the time, you can, unless it’s serious)

Some advice:

  • What you love never goes away. You can keep it and pursue it as much as you want. Because you become an adult doesn’t mean your dreams become impossible due to being an adult with responsibilities.
  • Busy has different meanings. It’s not just about studying or working. You can be busy planning meals or busy taking care of your health. It’s okay to feel tired afterwards. No one is saying that only people who study or work are allowed to feel tired and take a break. You can feel tired and take a break after cooking an entire meal. It’s fine.
  • Becoming an adult comes with saying goodbye to things. You might lose friends as you move on to various stages of your life. Or you might not. Either way, know that you will find people that you match well with.
  • Being an adult doesn’t mean you have to stop relaxing. In fact, relaxing and self-care becomes even more important because you’re now shoved out into the world on shaky deer legs.

Despite I said “advice”, there’s a possibility it’s subjective. Use your own judgement because you can :blush:

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Financially, saving money has 0% to do with what you earn, but 100% to do with your attitudes towards spending.

  1. It’s very easy to view any hardship as a “future you” problem. It’s actually how the brain is wired. You think about anything you’re currently in denial of having as an issue with but can see as a future issue with the part of your brain that thinks of someone else, not yourself.

  2. Bitterness about “how easy it was for others” is used as self justification in spending as you please: “Grandma didn’t drink Starbucks so she could afford a house ain’t going to work for me because the prices have gone way up!” Angst against the elders

  • Legitimately, houses are costly, but so is car repairs. We spent around 3.5K+ on car maintenance this year. That’s after paying off the car note early (300 a month on a used car instead of new), and a Disney trip (last guaranteed family trip with my in-laws, planned for years). This ate up all of next year’s tax return. This is on top of selling stocks, the cost of food going up (still mad about egg prices). For reference, this is done with a 50K income in a family of 5. it’s not poverty level, but totally not making it in more costly states.

  • You will not be able to have peace of mind about what a minor savings can do for you if you’re worried about what it did for others. Your saving anything is for you and your emergencies. If you can only save a dollar a day, $30 a month, $365 a year, then you’ve saved enough to make it home when someone dies, in many cases. It’s about 2 years to replacing a water heater.

  1. The most aggressive savers of income save 9% of their income, no matter their financial bracket. This is below religious tithing (which early Jewish tithing was 10% to the social structure of the nation: tax bracket, 10% to celebrations, a further 10th and 3% to various other things: basically 30-33% of their income was taxed. And they were encouraged to further save for the future. )

  2. Retiring young (or at all) is further complicated by what the value of the dollar is doing. Just saving money and storing it means you’re losing value as the prices of things goes up. If I bough a dozen eggs for $2-$3 in 2020, and decided to save egg money per week and not buy for a year, saving $104-$156 that year, but buy eggs this year from that savings, for $5, spending $260, I’ve lost money.

  • So, savings need to be in something that returns value fairly safely. This ain’t going crazy on the stock market or with digital coins: it’s getting proper advice in how to store excessive savings. When you’re only saving a couple hundred, who cares if you throw it in a bank account or under your mattress, but when savings starts to rival several month’s pay is when you have to start preparing your mind for the future.

  • This isn’t a day-one thing. This is probably 5 years in, for those who start early.

  1. Borrowing against tomorrow is extremely risky. For example: both the spouse and I never finished college, but had thousands in student loan debt: so we never made it to the incomes that would have paid off these debts. We did pay them off. But legit, it was a debt that did nothing for us. The spouse learned how to draw so he can lay pipe for a living, and I learned more about singing so I could not sing at my kids as a housewife. That debt was useless.
  • Now, someone who finishes their degree, and spent less on their education than they make a year? It’s a better investment.
  1. They say you should save up about 6 months of income for emergencies. Some people were out of work due to Covid rules for roughly that amount of time. Having that savings would have made that a less stressful time.
  • And it wasn’t anyone’s fault: for example, my father’s job was considered necessary. It was supposed to be a protected job. Someone local decided that people hired through a middleman (contractors)were to be laid off, and shut down any shipyard that didn’t do direct hires. They didn’t give crap one about protected jobs.

  • Back when I was a teen (about 25 years ago), the shipyard my father worked at went bankrupt. His first warning was not getting his paycheck. He’s still missing 2 week’s pay from that job–another single income 5 person family.

Just the idea that life isn’t guaranteed needs to be kept in mind is all.

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LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK :joy:

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I think there’s a story here? :eyes:

Hm, but cults sound like funnn :joy: jk

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I really needed to hear that.

That’s hard to remember sometimes. I will keep it in mind.

Easy to say but one very important lesson I have learnt and will do :+1:

That’s great.

Thank you so much

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All of you thank you so much! You guys have no idea how much this means to me :hearts:

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Well, this makes me laugh for several reasons.

The idea of modern cults were solidified during the Enlightenment era, back when we believed that man was capable of lifting himself by his intelligence alone.

It’s why so many people insist that cults can only be religious in nature. No one wants to accept the cultist behavior of colleges, a ton of intellectual jobs, politics, etc. We live in an era that thinks it’s ideology is uncoupled from the burdens of religion and forgot that humans are more than intellectuals: they are also social creatures with instincts and drives that aren’t wired to reason whatsoever.

And it goes to the most basic of our behaviors: for example, the way you treat a knife and fork in your hand is that the end of both utensils is the end of your fingertips. It’s just what the brain does. So there is therapy that uses mirrors to give false visuals of arms for lost limbs to deal with phantom pains.

It means that if you attached something insane like armadillos to your fists, those armadillos become your fists, in your mind. So now armadillos are you but future you is someone else, not you. We are officially at the point of insanity.

Except it’s insanity within reason.

So, things that make a cult work are the things people use in everyday life.

To feel you belong, you join in the same social behaviors as others: it’s why we use labels right now. We are cutting ourselves into believing our various beliefs about right and wrong. Everyone is. Either you accept what is the current paradigm as truth or you join the contrarians and limp together with them for groupthink. And in either main faction (and the minority ones as well), it’s the not the Intellectuals who drive that unless they are overwhelmingly malicious: you’re either deliberately manipulating people with peer pressure or you’re not bright. Pick your poison. It’s why mobs are so scary: it’s the flashmob of cults, dangerous a heck. It’s really hard to manipulate peer pressure into healthy channels. It’s why it can be so malicious.

Another tactic is you’re more receptive to learning when exhausted: people take advantage of this cult behavior by listening to educational audiobooks while working out. It also means that when you’re doing something strenuous with a friend, you’re more receptive to what they say and do in that moment, and so people rebuild cars, clean out gardens, etc. without a single thought about who they are letting influence them in times of weakness. It’s why friends are both an asset and danger. These are the people who you let inside your head, and is why addicts often need to get rid of their friends in order to recover.

But we can’t sit here and live life like every moment is from a cult-like tendency: even though yeah, that argument could be made. It taxes the mind and leaves you exhausted, paranoid, etc.

And for the last thought:

Jim Jones: “Don’t drink the Kool aid?”

Well, the reason they mass suicided: actually the cult leader poisoned their kids without their permission and then talked the parents into joining their kids instead of living in grief without them, far darker than what is commonly known was because Russia wouldn’t take them in and protect them and the CIA was messing with the cult leader. Yes, a lot of his beliefs were completely insane, but it was true that the CIA went down to South America to mess with a man who voluntarily left the US and was no longer an American threat in the form of a cult. It drove an unstable man to ending his group very abruptly.

I don’t trust most people’s understanding of what that is and what it does, forget who is actually steering it.

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That was a lot of information for 7 in the morning lol :joy:
But I see your point. That’s an interesting POV. Thanks for sharing.

I mean, I’m only 22 so a lot of this advice is helpful for me too!! Most of the time I feel like i’m still a kid and have no idea what I’m doing.

A few of the things that I would have suggested have already been said, so I won’t repeat them… a few things I would add:

  • Keep and cherish your connections! Make time to spend with friends/ family even if it’s just once a month, because when you start adulting that can feel impossible, and it’s important to remember that you have connections and support systems!

  • Embrace your failures. Take it as an opportunity to make something new, to learn, to grow. Don’t let yourself believe that failure defines you, or it’s a bad thing.

  • Approach each day with gratitude and joy. I don’t mean like you have to be happy every day, or tell yourself positive affirmations, or any of the toxic positivity talking points. I just mean that there is a lot of things that every single one of us take for granted every day… (for me, it’s that I get to walk to work, or that I see my mum/brother off to school or work before I leave for work etc.) Embracing those tiny things, helps to keep the world full of wonder, your heart full of love and that long term sense of joy/contentment.

  • Let your inner kid live! Take up a new hobby, keep doing old hobbies, watch cartoons, jump in muddy puddles, bake cookies, and eat too much chocolate. When we turn our new age, I think we forget that we’re also all the ages we were before too.

  • Don’t get swept up in that soul sucking capitalistic mentality that you need to work 24/7. I think to a point humans are made to work, but that’s not the be all and end all. It takes finding a balance, and honestly I haven’t found it, but don’t sacrifice the things that are important to you, or kill yourself, just for the grind.

  • Don’t focus on the things that are not in your control. It’s not worth it, just don’t do it.

as an edit, because I just thought of this:

  • Ask questions! Ask lots and lots of questions. Never stop asking questions! Curiosity is a wonderful thing, and I’ve learnt so much. Sometimes I worry that people think I’m annoying with all my questions, but I always think I’m better off having asked my questions that had i not
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Really, the TL;DR is “If I feel like I belong when I have opinions, it may be groupthink and I need to check myself.”

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