Am I the only one without friends?

I don’t know.

I say I don’t want friends, but that’s more like my past talking because of all the hurt I got from friends at school. I’ve only ever had one true friend who actually went out of her way to do things with me and hang out, and that was fourteen years ago… back in seventh grade. Every other friend I had was the “friend in school.” We’d talk, we’d eat lunch together, we’d be partners during projects and assignments. But we never hung out after school hours. We never called each other over the weekend or breaks. And when I moved, they just disappeared from my life. And eventually, that one friend in seventh grade did, too after I moved. So, I grew up not wanting friends and focusing on the real importance of life (school, jobs, family, hobbies) because I didn’t want to be hurt because it seems like people just don’t care.

People drift away, yes, as you get older. But I’ve noticed this happens way too frequently, and the people who have had friends for years, decades even… there’s something special there.

At my last job, I worked primarily alone. I’d see a few people from work once or twice, but it wasn’t for long and it wasn’t like we became besties. Then I moved jobs and I was hoping that, since so many were nice, I might get a chance to have what my sister has: friends. Not just friends at work who you talk to, but who you go hang out with. While she’s friendly with the majority of the staff, she at least has three actual friends she hangs out with regularly, if not more. And she hangs out with other people as well like some kids from her youth group (she’s a youth group leader at her work/church and the kids in her group are all teens, some of them 16-17 who she hangs out with) or people who’ve volunteered, know those in the band, etc.

And I don’t know, I thought I’d at least have someone who I could hang out with… but I don’t. Even though my co-workers are nice, they don’t seem like they’d want to hang out, and they seem like they have their own lives to worry about. One has three or so kids, and the others at the front are high schoolers or college students who are juggling work and school. But I know that they can go out of the way with each other because when before some of them have left (we had one chick leave like a month or so ago, another before Christmas, and another back in August) they seemed like the best of friends because they’d go out to lunch sometimes or they talk about going up to Colorado and doing stuff. They text each other and everything. And yet, I don’t have that connection, and it makes me jealous of my sister who does.

I get upset when my sisters all have plans of their own because they get to hang out with their friends and I’m stuck at home, alone. Sometimes, it’s okay because I do want my peace and quiet, but other times, I want to have plans with someone else. I don’t know… to go out to lunch, to go to the movies, to do something. And I feel like if I asked if anyone wanted to do it, they’d say no because they genuinely don’t want to with me or that I feel like a burden for intruding in on their life.

I get that some people don’t want to be friends with those at work, but how else do you make friends when all you do is go to work?

I don’t know… overthinking everything has not been kind to my mental health. It just makes me feel like I’m worthless because no one wants to be friends with me, just like how no one wanted to be friends with me in school.


It doesn’t matter which way you deal with this, it’s all got it’s frustrations.

I’ve got 2 fairly close female friends.

1 lives with me.
The other lives with her family and we’re tight with the family overall. Going to miss the elders when they pass (up in their 70s).
We also have a lot of family gatherings.

Here’s my thing, there’s only one person I remotely have the urge to “confess my sins” to, and that is my husband. Either friend feels like two wholly seperate cases of Arrested Development. They vent things at me that I have no interest in hearing for the 30th time. The one that lives with me is very needy, some of it through no fault of her own. I have needy kids, I don’t have time for needy adults.

I don’t want to lose firendship but having them is a burden, and if I called them a burden they would take it very personally when the problem isn’t REALLY them. It’s the ADHD kicking my butt again. Keep out my personal space.

But think what this does for new friends, as they come in. Loving a hedgehog 5hat doesn’t want to lose you but finds you a burden ain’t something most people can handle.

Now, I’m 40, I’ve had over 20 years to adjust to being this way, so I don’t hurt people 24/7, and accept the “less friends” without being upset by it.

One of the things I can tell you does help is baring yourself in front of people helps alleviate that need for intimacy. Having explained this here, for example, means it won’t be the conversation I have with my hubby in an hour about my friends. Lmao


I have one friend who has her own friends and a boyfriend.

If I didn’t have her, I would be friendless.


Nope, you’re not the only one without friends. I have no real life friends either. When I was in school I had friends now and then, but my dad was in the military so we were always moving. As soon as I’d make friends with someone, we’d have to move again, and I’d cry for weeks after those separations. So I just stopped making friends after a while. It’s so hard to make friends! And then having your parents destroy your friendships through no fault of your own…argh. (ノД`)ヽ (ノД`゚)゚。

I had friends again in college because we were roommates, but after graduation we all returned to our home states, so I’m alone again. C’est la guerre! ¯\_(ﭢ)_/¯


I only have 3 friends and they all live in different states (@CJtheSiteWizard @DollyTH we better hang out one day! :rage::two_hearts:). The friend that lives a state away from me, though, she’s been my friend for almost 8 years now and we try to at least hang out a few times a year. We text each other all the time when school isn’t taking over our lives.

I have no friends at all where I live. I also thought it was because no one wants to be friends with me but I had to check myself and realize it’s my fault because I just don’t put myself out there to mingle. All I do is go to school, work, and stay home. I never go out. I live with my parents and they continue to baby me even though I’m gonna be 24 soon so I have to tell them that I need to go out there and make friends. :joy: But when I do… they want to freaking come with me. :upside_down_face: This is also why I’ve never been in a relationship because when I wanna do things alone, they take offense to that. :upside_down_face: It’s so annoying… yay for protective Dominican parents lol I love them tho, they’re my homies.

I also tried Bumble BFF so I can meet like-minded people but every conversation I had on there either felt so dry or the person just never replied to me…so I ended up deleting Bumble haha.

Idk I feel like in this day and age, it’s hard to make friends for me. In college, everyone in all my classes are only focused on themselves. We exchange some words but when we leave class, it’s like we never spoke.

I’ve been looking into events near me to join, too, like paint and sips so I can meet new people and I also want to attend some conventions. I’m going to force myself to go to Comic Con in New York, too. And I’m also going to sign up for a gym membership so I can meet people there as well.

I will say, last year was a great year for me in terms of going out alone. I went to two concerts by myself and I’ll be going to another concert this year alone. I didn’t meet anyone at the concerts because everyone brought their own friends, but I’m not gonna let that stop me. I’m going to continue putting myself out there no matter what my parents say.


I think it’s just very hard to make friends once you’re an adult because life takes over with its responsibilities. I always heard growing up that after high school and college you lose a lot of friends and I was determined not to have that happen by making sure I got social medias and phone numbers… I just did a huge purge of my phone and deleted so many numbers because I haven’t heard from some of these people since new years day 2020. I sent out holiday messages this year and finally decided hey if I haven’t heard from you in almost 3 years you obviously don’t have the same contact info or don’t want to talk, which is fine by me, but I see that as a one-sided friendship and I’m not into it :woman_shrugging:t5:. I’ve heard you make friends at work as an adult before, but those friendships can be very superficial. I do feel that my one coworker with the same job as me could hang out outside of work, but we’re both like… We want to stay home lol. We get invited out to happy hour and look at each other like :eyes: you going because I don’t want to, but I’ll drag myself if you go to not be judged… We haven’t been to a happy hour since we started the job together 3 years ago lol. And after you leave jobs it’s like you usually don’t hang out with those people anymore. I had three really good friends 4 years ago at another job and we still text every big holiday, but we don’t hang out anymore because of life taking over and us being busy (and I guess vibes changing once someone leaves the job - sigh). As an adult, it’s just tough in general.



The people at my job are cool but…most of them are over 40 so of course it’s hard to even relate to them. :sob: The youngest person there is still in high school and a girl that’s a year younger than me works on days that I don’t work. :skull:

It’s hard out here. Sometimes I wish I can just turn back time and be in high school again so I can have all the friendships I used to have, even if I only speak to one of my high school friends today cuz the others dipped. :joy:


That part, too lol. People tend to be in weird ages. For some reason some of my good friends at different jobs end up being older black women in like their 50s and 60s. They usually look out for me and give me all the tea and advice xD.


I don’t have a lot of friends, and I prefer it that way because it’s less stressful. Fewer commitments, more time to devote to other things that need to be done. The fewer people I know from that perspective and see a lot of, the better. I get overwhelmed easily in social situations. Just how I am.


Aw man, my mother and mother-in-law were/are social creatures. I lost 2 babies before the 3rd was born.

I had over 50 people at that baby shower (of which I demanded that they didn’t have to gift me, jeez), and it was a good thing my husband was there because I 2as a deer in the headlights. He went up inin a Turban and Nigerian cloak (one grandpa worked in Nigeria) and was my DiaperGeenieTM. Absolutely entertained the crowd.

Omg, that crowd. I don’t ever want to be the focus like that again.


I’ve always had a small friend circle, plus people I’d hang out with (you could call those superficial friendships/acquaintances)

After high school graduation, most of the people I called friends back then either moved to the US to study or simply drifted apart with time. Even the one I called my best friend back then, we haven’t talked in several months and our last hangout was… pre-covid times! Oof. We’ve become too distant at this point, sadly.

The only remaining friend from that time is someone I’ve known for 8 years, we still keep regular contact. We understand we can’t hangout very often though, only happens when no classes are going on. Graduate school and adult responsibilities (plus personal life) means I have to be a little “picky” in how I want to spend my time.

My current friends are all from grad school, some of whom I’m closer with than others. Somehow my social life’s been the most active during these years :joy: I hang out with friends/acquaintances by going to local restaurants most of the time. Most recently I went to a brand new Dave & Busters with a group of 9 people (friends + friends of friends/classmates) once the 1st block ended. Even more recently was going to the movies with a good friend after an exam.

All of our hangouts have been like “rewards” after classes or exams, now that I think about it.

After graduation, it’s likely I’ll drift apart from some of these people, and even the ones I keep contact with won’t be able to hang out as often. We’re all gonna be busy with our jobs, some will start families, and so on. The one I’ll keep the most contact with will be my boyfriend. And with luck, I’ll form long-lasting friendships with like 1 - 2 people. Out of like 10.

Might be a similar process when I start working, making friends with a small amount of people. No telling if I’ll hang out with any after work tho, so we’ll see what happens.

Being an adult, I think, means accepting that people will come and go in your life, and the amount of friends that will be with you for a long time is rather small. Best you can do is cherish your memories with them.


It’s good that he entertained the crowd. I need someone else there to do that as well. It’s just really hard for certain types of people to socialize, until they warm up, or people who need to be alone more/ don’t take to big crowds. And haha Diaper Genie. Sounds fun, actually.


Yeah, and a part of this I feel because truthfully, I also don’t put myself out there. But that’s also because of my social anxiety. When I was a kid, I was always trying to make friends… putting myself out there. Then I was told I was annoying by a group of girls who I was trying to befriend and… that’s where my social anxiety stems from. At that point, I stopped trying to befriend people and just let them come to me because I didn’t want to seem like a burden or be annoying, so… to me, if they aren’t actively trying to be my friend, I just see it as they don’t want to be my friend.

There’s a best friend app? xD Whaaat?? lol But yeah, I can’t stand those websites/apps because rarely anyone cares or they’re creepy.

That’s how it’s like at my work. I’m friendly with those in their mid/late 30s and 40s, but they work in different departments and it’s a little hard to relate to them because they’re in various stages of life or have very different personalities to me. My sister’s friends, though, are of different ages so I know it’s not that big of a deal (she’s 31, and her youngest BFF is 17ish from her youth group and her oldest BFF is in her 50s, though her main BFF is in her mid 30s) but I’d at least like to make friends with people around my age… which is only like 2% of my co-workers. We have two high schoolers (16-17 years old), two college students (both 18), then there’s someone who is 21, me (at 26), and the oldest of us is 28, though she’s not part of our department but her desk is in the same area so we talk a bit.

That’s usually how I feel because friendships aren’t always definite and when I did have friends, there were a lot of unnecessary fights, etc. But sometimes, I kind of wish there was someone else other than my sisters to hang out with. Even though my sisters are amazing and I consider them my best friends, they have things to do on their own. I’m gonna be alone again this weekend because my oldest sister is heading off to Texas to be with her new boyfriend and my little sister is going to hang out with her friend on Sunday (and I work today, so the only time we “hang out” is tonight…)


A few people here have mentioned another issue that I find weird but true: why is it that once you leave school, you never see anyone your own age ever again? Everyone in the world is either way older than you or way younger, and all the people your own age just vaporized or something. Freaky! (⊙.⊙(-̶●̃ₒ●̶̃)⊙.⊙)


That is actually really interesting.
I never really thought of it like that.

My mind is blown…LOL!


It’s true, though! I went to a regional high school with thousands of students, and everyone was within four years of age to me. But once I graduated I never saw any of them again, or even anyone in that age group. Everyone at work is significantly older or younger, not even close in age. ¯\_(ﭢ)_/¯


Yeah…you’re absolutely right.

The only friend I have is that one friend from my college years. That is just one. I have zero friends from my high school years and no other friends from my college days.

Hell, even before high school, I have not seen anyone.
Life is either trying to say “meet other people and move on” or “eventually you will find each other, but in due time.”


I actually kind of wondered this myself lol. I have met some people my age (one of our former co-workers was my exact age, she was just two months younger than I am) but when she left, there was really no one else.


How old were you and those girls? They just sound like bullies to me. I feel like you shouldn’t let what those girls said to you years ago stop you from trying to befriend people today. I’m not saying this to undermine your social-anxiety at all by the way djhfbjhdbf I’m sorry if that’s how it sounded like! ;~;

The friendship I have now that’s going 8 years strong, the only reason we became friends is because i was the one who befriended her. If I never did, she wouldn’t be in my life today. My two other friends wouldn’t be in my life either if I never continued speaking to them. I just feel like if you also don’t put in the work of finding friends, you’ll probably miss your chance of finding the people who could be in your life for many years because they probably couldn’t get the chance to befriend you. Again, I hope I don’t sound rude and I’m sorry if I do! :sob: I totally get how social anxiety feels like. I had it strong after the pandemic was over and we were allowed back on campus. I was afraid of talking to everyone and my social skills went down the drain. :smiling_face_with_tear: I knew I couldn’t let that continue on tho so i worked on myself to stop that.

Yeah! The Bumble app has three options. Dating, friendships, and I think business networking. I even considered using the business one to promote my books, but I never got the chance. I might do it for my art business tho. I think everyone should try out Bumble at least once in their lives to see how well it works for them.


I grew up non-verbal. Sure, I could probably make friends pretty easily nowadays, but I’ve had acquaintances and I don’t feel any sort of connection with them. Reality is that I just don’t have it in me to maintain friendships, and I’ve always been alone, so that’s how it’s staying. :person_shrugging:

Thank you, unending emotional trauma, for my lack of trust in humanity. :pray: