Shea’s thoughts on DOTM!
I loved Simone’s journey into villainy. The entire first half had me rooting for her, and when it became clear that her mother had sold her soul, I was right there with her when she thirsted for blood. It was right about then when Simone did a complete reversal, and I had a hard time connecting with her for the remainder of the novel. I thought about why this was, and I don’t have the document anymore so I’m going off pure brain power, but I was missing her reasonings. Yes, she’s pissed, and those bitches should pay for selling an unborn baby’s soul, but why did she want to kill them? She wanted power? Yes, I believe so, but why did she want power? She wanted payback, which made sense, but why? Because they sold her soul? It’s a reason, but it falls flat—and I hate saying that in a critique; it feels like a cop-out, but I wanted to root for Simones’s character so badly, there was just no reason for me to. If that makes sense. Especially having such a dramatic change in her, I needed something to cling to other than just following along for the ride since if this were a book on a shelf, i might have skipped to the end to see what happened.
That creepy little dude was uncalled for (in a good way, haha)! What the heck was he? Why was he there? Who was he? WHAT DOES HE MEAN? Why didn’t Simone look into this? Why didn’t Simone’s mother explain? Those scenes were my favorite! And the last scene with Simones’s twins and the dreams was a KILLER way to end!
I’m jumping around here, but now that I mentioned the twins, I have to talk about motives. What are Simone’s motives? What are any of their motives? The only ones with motive after the reveal are Carlee and her sister—more of them early on, please, since they play such an important part in the end, I would have expected to know them far better by then.
A bigger question is, if Simone was so upset about what her mother did to her soul, why would she turn around and do it? Her whole deal was being pissed for not having a soul, which drives her to demand everyone kill their mom. (BTW, why was everyone cool with that? Is this evil nature an inherent quality in witches?) Then she turns around and declares that they would do the very same thing they were all so upset about but better. So their whole motives, the whole reason each one turned into a villain, just fell through the glass.
My thoughts are all over, but I loved the love interest plot! That was fantastic! Phineas was my guy until he turned psycho too, but damn that fox did him so dirty. Not mad about it, though. He was going to rat out the sisters! Simones’s reaction to his death was so. damn. good. Wow. I felt for her evil ass!
In the end, I would have liked to have more understanding of Simone’s character after her realization of the truth. It would feed into why exactly she flipped and planned to kill everyone to pave the way for a new coven. More Carlee and her sister early on, as children, maybe even just as much as Simone. —I read your post earlier about preferring to write villains, so how cool would it be to give one of them the opposite arc of Simone? It could really play into why she(forgetting her name but the sister not pregnant) felt so protective of Carlee and so distant from their mother. Just throwing out an idea. Please ignore me if it’s unwanted! (:
Another important thing to note, your plot twists were fantastic and very unpredictable! I don’t recall any scene I wanted to skim or wonky pacing. Your writing is clean and easy to read. Well done. I can’t wait to read more of your work!
I’ve never read a horror story before, so please take that into consideration when reading this! Sorry, this took 10 long years to get to you. >.< Let me know if you have any questions!
Video editing is an awesome skill! I’m not good with that stuff at all. You will find yourself inspired to write again soon. I feel like writers can never stay away too long.
Knightlys Tracking List 
Blood & Cinders- 31 chaps complete
Wolf & Hood-60 chaps complete
Midnight Lotus- 1 chap - ongoing
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Omg between work, personal life, health and home your girl is pooched. No energy for creative stuff just wanna veg haha. But I am trying!