So, I will admit that I am undiagnosed. The diagnosis that I had was people going off what I tell them and they take it from there. They had me as someone with bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder. The thing is those are only parts of an issue that I still have with me since I was a little girl. I am neruodivergent/on the spectrum, yet I am not diagnosed because I lack the money, luxury, and proper insurance to get those things. Being observant on who and what I am makes it challenging because if I know things about my mental health in a way that the doctors donāt, I donāt have it. They need to tell me what I have in order to help me better. Iāve been misdiagnosed and given medication for bipolar depression, schizophrenia, MPD, and more that NEVER WORKED FOR ME, NEVER! It doesnāt matter if I was on the highest dosage or multiple pills. I will still notice things not working or nothing changing. Whatās the point of taking medication if nothing was changing mentally, but rather physically?
Anyway, I am not taking medication nor am I seeing a therapist. Itās not about me not wanting to seek out therapy, I just rather get the right therapist that I need, I canāt so I have to make due with what I have now and it is dreadful, truly dreadful.
My mind is NEVER SILENT, NEVER! I suffered constantly, daily from maladaptive daydreaming, I am a prisoner of my own mind because of it. Honestly, I donāt know what a silent mind is like because such a thing is so alien to me. This is all I know.
Days are hard even when I am smiling and laughing. I am wanting to talk and share my troubles, I know I need a therapist to speak to. Iām just tired of searching for someone to get them to understand something that I am still learning about myself, even though I am convinced that I have ADHD and Autism. It pisses me off that I need someone to diagnose with having that as a way to finalize it/see if itās true.
Moving on, I just want to silence the mind or at least know what a quiet mind is like. I am exhausted and bitter.
Maybe I am far too comfortable in the lifestyle I am living. I have zero support and help in getting better on my own and I genuinely donāt know what to do to get better. I am going through life unsure of what to do and how to slowly change by myself. I got no help and I am on my own. So, what can I do? I go through the same cycle hoping for a change.
TL; DR- I envy people who can quiet the mind while I could never, even while trying my hardest to do that on my own.
I am sorry for calling you all out like this! Really, I am for that!
Thereās nothing you can do, yet I just wanted to talk. I know what I need to attempt to do tomorrow for myself. I am just very exhausted and my mental health is severe, even when it doesnāt seem like it, it isā¦truly.
I just want to chat, no advice, just talking among friends!
I donāt think I can offer any help, but I am here if you need to talk. Sending you good vibes!
If itās the ADHD, I understand - I ruined my life before I knew what it was, and now I know what it is, Iām still ruining my life but not as much. There are plenty of self-medicating options (legal!! Please do not take illicit substances) that might help you. Caffiene is a good one, I am always chugging energy drinks, but of course they come with their own risks. I have also tried superfood powders (āgreen juiceā) and actually, they really help me. Making sure youāre not tired is a big one, too.
Have you tried journalling? I find vomitting all the thoughts out of my brain and onto paper helps a lot, especially if I have a template to work from (you can find these prompts free online). It wonāt quiten your mind, but it can help you make sense of it. If youāre anything like me your mind will be a jumbled mess of thoughts like a box of Christmas lights after a year in the attic. Getting it down can help.
Yes, itās relating to ADHD and Autism. I am glad you are willing to speak to me. Honestly, there are days, I feel like a nuisance and itās terrible that I feel that way, but I am lost to ponder every time I chat with everyone here about my problems on this site, I get the sensation that I am boring them and being annoying. Nobody on this site is a professional, but when I do speak to a professional, it is the same thing every time. I am just so sick of it. I donāt have many friends and the one friend I do have lives a busy life and I canāt always bother her.
Yeah, it is a spur of the moment thing, though. Sometimes I journal while other times I just try to focus on other things instead.
Iām so sorry youāre going through that. Mental health is hard and itās not the same for any two people. I canāt give advice but Iām here if you need to talk. Iāve also had a struggle with mental health, so I can relate in some ways at least.
Some people never have a quiet mind, can never focus on one thing at a time. This is true of myselfā¦ Then there are those with ADHD and other ASDās.
I understand how difficult it is to remain focused as my Son has ADHD, and I see it most days. However, the one thing that does seem to keep him focused is his passion for art.
My writing is one of the few things that keeps me focused, but it may not be the same for you. I donāt know what to suggest. Sorry.
I myself donāt have adhd or anything, I just have an active mind. It doesnāt bother me, though, since that produces tons of ideas for books and scripts and compositions and stuff. A blessing in disguise! Maybe the thing is to try to work with your brain instead of fighting against itā¦?
I honestly have no idea what your brain is doing, though, so just ignore me if Iām talking nonsense. Like, are your thoughts intrusive or frightening or otherwise negative? Or is it just difficult to stay on topic and get things done because your brain likes to ramble onto totally unrelated topics or something? If so, I wonder if there are tricks or gimmicks that could get you back on track somehow.
Maybe your brain is telling you it wants more of a challengeā¦? Have you tried doing two or more unrelated things simultaneously? Or doing one thing thatās really complicated?
I wish JLO would come back. She seems to be able to whip her brain into submission and get things done, so maybe she could tell you how she does it. Anyway, if thereās anything I can do, Iāll sure try to help! I think we all will. (*ļ¼¾-ā) ä¹
I donāt have anything useful to say, I just wanted to say that Iād hug you if I could and you were okay with it; and that Iām hoping you find something out
Iām not trying to make this about me, but I just want to say how relatable some of what youāve posted is to me. I have ADHD and was diagnosed very little, I feel you so much on all the meds. My medications were always being switched and I likely had gone through over 100 different types of medication by the time of adulthood. Most of them just had negative effects or did nothing for me. I eventually went off them cold turkey once I went to college and knew Iād eventually have to start paying for them. How is anyone supposed to afford that stuff?! Thatās the other kicker about switching all the time. Itās a physical, emotional, and financial cost! Itās so cruel.
But yeah, your decisions make sense to me. I truly hope you manage to find something that works for you. Iām rooting for you!
The thoughts are never the same and ranges from negative, grim, stupid silly, positive, weird, really weird, vague, erotic, super erotic, misanthropic, to fantastical on an extreme level, by extreme, I mean super vivid that what I see causes me to react to it by body or facial expression or both.
THIS IS A DAILY THING! ALL THE TIME! EVEN WHEN I TRY TO SLEEP!
Another thing is hyperfixation. If I am severely fixated on something, I will not stop thinking about it, focusing about it, dwelling on it, and playing random scenarios in my mind about it until it actually happens, causing me to spiral out of control mentally. Even when I try to focus on my hobbies or chores or anything else, I am stuck on hyperfixating on something until I obtain it or something else. It drains so much energy that I am left feeling exhausted and upset by it.
Waiting for a phone call to know information of crucial things are the worse, because if I am told that I might get a phone call today, I will not stop thinking about the phone call that is to come even after hours of being told it will happen today. I want to focus on that because I want to be alert and ready for the call. Which is terrible because I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RELAX and just have patience. I need answers now because my mind will cause me not to focus on anything else even when I am focusing on writing and things that deserve my attention.
My mind spirals so aggressively when I am hyperfixated on phone calls, planning what to buy, waiting for an order, due dates, and plenty of other things that are super unhealthy and exhausting as hell.
Thatās another terrible thing about my mental health too!
This is, unfortunately, just par for the course with autism/ADHD. Have you seen a psychiatrist? Medication might help you? I am unmedicated and absolutely cannot deal with it all myself, either, Iām just waiting for meds now Sending you good vibes
My insurance wonāt allow me adhd medication. That is a luxury I canāt get with my insurance because it is free insurance and getting a new one requires a job and overall luck.
Even the medication I was taking through out the course of my life did absolutely nothing, even on the highest dosage or taking multiple different pills.
Which makes me think, I am dealing with this on the worse level.
Sending you good vibes