Throwing away the pear is just the start of the story 
The book is about how the 4th choice shapes her and changes the world and her 
I can add “But that’s when all starts.” Would it help to convey this message better?
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I thought by stating “her own fate” means she has picked a different path, and we shall follow it 
This was the best I had in my mind at that time I had a huge problem making the blurb, having several variants that never felt right. 
I’ll try to work around it 
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Ah I see what you mean. But the logline does not convey that. Think of this: what are the consequences of her actions? What grave danger does it bring to her? Does she regret her actions?
Ah that’s alright. I know a lot of people who struggle with blurbs and loglines. Here’s some questions to help you get started. Who is the protagonist? What do they do? (doesn’t have to be their name, more like their description. So “a newly-appointed queen” sort of thing) Then ask them what their goals are. What do they want? And finally describe the obstacle standing in their way.
Here’s an article to help you out: https://www.wattpad.com/814443428-story-notes-how-do-i-write-a-logline
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Definitely doesn’t regret it 
But yeah, that’s not what a reader can tell from it
Thanks for the tips 
I’ll check them.
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@Novel_Worm I’ve made a change to the first pit
When Freya Inuhakka, a burn survivor, receives a pear enchanted to give her either beauty, wisdom, or power, she chooses her fate by throwing it away. Her resolution starts a whirlwind, leading her astray from her lonely path.
Does it kick stronger punch?
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Stronger yes, but not quite there yet. Here’s why: Although you have an interesting concept, I don’t think you should mention all aspects of the pear. The second part of the pitch also does not have enough details to form a connection.
Here’s an idea: A burn survivor receives an enchanted pear, and she chooses her fate by throwing it away. (what specifically does her resolution lead to?)
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I thought I specified it, that she can’t stay on her “lonely path”, thus making connections/friendships. Guess it sounds too common.
It reflects the inspiration in “The Apple of Discord” story. I’ve found a few people who had little to no idea about this story. I found it a bit funny since I always thought it was a well-known story like about Hercules
Would changing the end to “But the Greek Gods refuse to leave her until she makes her choice.” be better? There are Greek Gods involved, so
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Even more specific. More like the bad things that come with her decision.
You could always mention that story with the comps. So X book in a story inspired by The apple of discord
OBVIOULSY. Those are DETAILS we need. This story sounds like a satire until this comes along. Emphasize the bad.
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Thank you I’m glad I could finish one of my pitches It does add a nice spark to it 
Thank you so much 
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This is also my favourite, but the thing that’s confused me throughout is what is ‘acid-washed’ and why is it relevant enough to mention in the pitch?
I agree that the bit about her throwing away the pear is intriguing, but I still can’t really see… The story, basically. She throws away the enchanted pear, but why did she receive it, what was her status quo before, and what happens after? I would maybe choose an identifier other than burn survivor. Something that’s related to her personality/plot, and not her physical appearance.
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Thank you! So, “acid-washed” is kind of a play on a few things. My MC is really snarky, to the point where one could say she has an “acid tongue.” Acid-washed jeans were also big in the 80s, which ties it in that way. Not sure if that makes sense.
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Thank you! I revised the first one based on your feedback. Hopefully this one is better:
A sexy reaper wants to haul Cheline’s acid-washed soul to the other side? He’ll just have to wait. She’s got murders to solve and a best friend to save. Charley Davidson’s snark + Stephanie Plum’s humor
(Also, thank you for catching that extra “to”. My kids were being crazy. Not sure why I thought it a good idea to buy my 5yo a karaoke machine for her birthday. Or to give her cake. Worst. Idea. Ever.)
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Thank you! I’m definitely going to eliminate that “to” in front of “two murders.” My kids were crazy in the background as I was typing. Good luck today!
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I’ve changed the pit a bit, so here is the latest version. Does it help to convey the story better?
When Freya Inuhakka, a burn survivor, receives a pear enchanted to give her either beauty, wisdom, or power, she chooses her fate by throwing it away. But the Greek Gods refuse to leave her until she makes her choice.
Well, the reason she gets the pear is connected with her physical appearance (visible burns on her face and body), because that makes her “easy target” 
And Paris was picked on random, wasn’t he? At least that’s how I remember it
I’m just not sure about this new version, primarily because it reads like she has already made a choice in “throwing it away.” It’s possible I’ll be the only one to feel that way. Also, I don’t think you need to include her name.
What are these Greek gods doing to her? What are the stakes?
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Don’t forget to link your tweets here so we can retweet them!
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I have to work, but I tossed my 3 pitches into the maw of PitMad… one is pinned
https://twitter.com/LeidaPaleo/status/1400442269522554884?s=20
https://twitter.com/LeidaPaleo/status/1400440774974599175?s=20
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https://twitter.com/EZumrova/status/1400427042542264326
Ah It works
Also, is it okay to ask here if anybody knows the “publisher” that liked my Tweet?
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I had this pitch for last Watties and was advised to include her name. And Freya didn’t make the choice they expected from her = not one of them. Would adding “the proper/right choice” fix this problem?
Or “But the Greek Gods refuse to give up, following her until she picks one of them.”?
Is the second one a pitch for fanfiction, or that it is inspired by those? I’ve seen a lot of pitches like this one 
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