I've been thinking and pondering about myself more (a different type of AMA)

It has come to my conclusion that when it comes to dating and things of that nature, I am starting to understand myself a bit more.

Here is the list:

Lack of any confidence.
Low-self esteem.
The whole “my issues are bigger than everyone else’s”.
Bad habits.
Body image
Too hypersexual and horny.
Socially a bit awkward and doesn’t socialize much.
Guilty/I feel terrible if someone were to date me for the “right” reasons.

From this list ask me anything as regards to why I am not dating/in a relationship and if I will do that.

Also, I frankly don’t know what it is like to be a romantic partner of any person since I’ve never even experience that. I rather date someone who never dated and wants to than someone who dated once or twice or more times in their life.

I don’t know, but the idea of being romantically involved with someone whose been in numerous relationships doesn’t make me happy in the slightest.

Can’t explain it.
Thoughts and Feelings?


Another thing is that, I would need to focus on me before I even think about finding someone.

Also, dealing with other’s people’s drama and they deal with mine makes me uneasy.
I know I am being too hard on myself and won’t allow myself to feel happy in that regard, but I just don’t know what that even looks like in this day and age.

Seriously, what is romance like anymore in today’s society? Is it there? Does it no longer exist?


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I seriously dislike the American dating scene at this point, which is why I’m glad I married before the latest iteration.

Just clinnically speaking, you’re trading some of your personal assets to be with someone else who is trading theirs, and nobody really wants what’s being offered anymore.


I need serious help right now!

Can someone explain to me what this means? I am going to place it in spoilers.

So, here is the thing:

I am have a feeling I “could” be asexual. I don’t want to assume, but it is the weirdest thing as I am thinking about it more:

  1. I watch plenty (too much) porn and masturbate. Honestly, that is just a time passing thing and to make me feel “better”.

  2. I really gush and fantasize about fictional characters too much in both a sexual and romantic way.

  3. I had three crushes maybe four on males I’ve liked in the past, but never thought to date anyone, but I do think about it a few times in a while. I think it was more of an aesthetic thing rather than a chemistry thing. I thought they were attractive and we had an interesting friendship, but that quickly ended over time. Now, I don’t have crushes on real life people, only fictional.

  4. I never been physically attracted to a man or woman in real life, in ways that I wanted to date them or have sex. There are real life males I thought were attractive and maybe wanted to date and/or have sex with, but that is very little in comparison to other people.

  5. When it comes to fictional characters, I’d want to be with them romantically and sexually, but I do understand that they aren’t real and that is fine I suppose.

  6. Being someone’s girlfriend or wife in real life sounds nice, but that is if the fictional character is real. Yet a crush I had on some real life guy who wanted to date and/or marry didn’t feel so genuine to me.

What the hell am I? Because I rather not go by a label, but I always wondered if I am into real people.


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Yeah, it feels damn-near impossible to find love in this country nowadays.

I’m going to be a counter-culture answer.

Sex changes with age and experience. That’s why people develop fetishes, so I mostly see appetite as how you feed it. I don’t see orientation and self-identity as a consistent construct–which people hate because sex is separated from gender and I do see sex as consistent. And I probably never will will agree with anyone on it–I’m ok with that.

The big reason why I don’t go after women, on a personal level, is I don’t want to be the man in the relationship, and too many times I came across people who were “waiting on their prince” even when looking for another female. I can’t stand it. It’s so severe a turn-off that it overrides natural interest. Most people probably don’t break this stuff down deep enough that they can see past their turn-offs to see if there’s any chance of turn-ons. Frankly, too much work. But you can have both going on at the same time, and your overall state will be the accumulative total.

But I will say that ADHD overrides aspects of sexuality, to the point where NO label fits because you’re capable of hyper-fixating on sex without a sex drive, AND capable of hyper-fixations that override your lack of interest (or interest). I mean, nice when I can get everything to line up, but damn if it doesn’t cooperate all the time.

This would probably be more extreme if I had a little voice inside of me that was dissatisfied.


Oh my gosh! That is so scary how that makes sense!
So, it is that I don’t fit into a certain box when it comes to sexuality?


But aside from this, there’s something I can’t do, which is fangirl. I’ve always liked my men approachable, which is why I don’t fantasize about Brad Pitt or Harry Stiles…or anything between.

But there is safety in “unavailable men”…or women, or cartoons, or romance novels, or just a pinup from a Sears Magazine. The ability to lust without being vulnerable is a very intoxicating thing for most people. I don’t have to show off my dark secrets to get off. So, there’s a whole world of people with their Waifus and Stans because it’s there’s no “sacrificing of self” that is feared in “real relationships”. I kind-of grasp it when I read or write a Romance Novel.


I personally believe that people live up to their labels instead of being themselves.


I’ve went through periods in my life where I stated I was celibate (didn’t know about ace), then went to saying I was bisexual, then stated how I am just complicated.

Like I had no idea what “box” I should fit in and kept saying to myself “the only way you would know what you want is if you start dating”. I never dated and I am still feel clueless.

I tend to say the older I get, the straighter I get. lol

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I got lucky to get “taken out” of the dating scene before even being in it, in a way?

Thing is mine started out as a friendship that later developed into a romantic relationship, so idk what the actual dating scene is like exactly (aside from what I’ve seen from friends that are single)

What I can say is, well, its best to figure out if a relationship is something you want or are willing to put effort in having

And yes, focusing on yourself before dating or seeking a relationship is good to do
And know its also ok to not want a romantic relationship in life

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Probably not. I don’t have it in me to do that.
I might become too clingy and needy or too distant and introverted.

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If you’re like me, you will do both. I do a bit to control it, but I’m safe in my choice of husband, so overly-affectionate is fine with him and standoffish, he interrupts and I’ve learned to put up with it for his needs.

I don’t see me remarrying if something happens to him. No patience for this.

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Maybe. :thinking:

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Honestly, watching p and doing m might not have anything to do with your sexuality. You might need some stimulation while doing m. Or not. Depends on the person. I’ve read many, many times that it’s a good relaxing stress release. If you feel better after that, well, that’s good :blush:

I think that’s totally normal. It’s not too much. I don’t think you can say. Who are you comparing yourself to? :wink: It’s probably just right for you.

It could be because we’ve entered a weird era where no one is meeting anyone anymore? Or was it always like this for you?

You could be a spectrum of aromantic or asexual or demisexual…or whatever else there is.

What I think about sex as an asexual

I never feel like I want to have sex. The idea of it is nice, you know, showing that level of love and devotion to someone…a nice thought. But the actual doing is like…“hurry up and let’s get this done” kind of feeling.

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In the past I had a few crushes, but those were a bit short lived in my opinion.
Except one which lasted for a few good years, but I stopped eventually over the course of time and because I no longer see the person anymore.

Honestly, there were times I thought about making out with real life people, but that wasn’t common. I think it is more like when I think about having sex or dating my crushes or any real person, I feel weird, scared, and uncomfortable by the notion.

Yet fictional characters are easier because I don’t have to worry about if I screwing up or freaking them out and plus they are my favorite types of people. Another thing is that if I dated and bang a great cosplayer it’s more like, I am doing it because they cosplay my favorite anime characters so well and nothing else.

That doesn’t seem fair to the person I am dating. I am wasting their time and mine.

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I gave a half-baked answer before because I had to go to a meeting :stuck_out_tongue:

Who are you comparing yourself to? Everyone is different. There’s no quota you have to meet. There’s no such thing as “very little”.

Maybe not ready to be in a relationship?

Do you want to be in a relationship? It’s fine to not want to be. Maybe you need some time to figure yourself out first. That’s totally valid.

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I think that’s natural. I’ve had crushes in the past and they faded once I stopped seeing the person. Crushes come and go. That’s how they work. I don’t think crushes are ever about a serious relationship. When you are looking for a serious relationship beyond a date here and there, you won’t crush on them. You would go deeper than a crush from the start. Personally, from experience anyway.

Totally valid. It is quite a weird thing when you think about it.

I’m with a partner, but if I had the chance to go on a date with Legolas (from the movies)

I think we all have fictional crushes that last forever.

Unless they understand you are with them for the character. Like…idk, maybe some people are into that? :woman_shrugging:

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A lot of people. I tend to compare myself to a lot of people.

Maybe, I always wondered what it would be like to in a relationship, but honestly I have too many negative quirk about myself and others along with wanting an idealistic romance.

It’s either I rather not date because I am literally putting myself out there in hopes that a stranger would fall in love with me or befriend then fall in love with me, then find I am not to their liking, someone I fall in love one minute I might get bored and tired of the next and just want to be left alone and not deal with that nonsense, or I have to change myself entirely to please someone who may or may not love me back in the same way I love them.

Another one is that I might feel so awkward and annoying that I will push them away and see that I am not worth their time.

There’s also the fact that if I am dating someone I won’t be as committed to them as I thought. I would want to either be alone or want to be so clingy that is it irritating.

I would care more about hurting the other person who is with than myself. Wasting that person’s time apparently matters more than my own time wasted.

Wow, I never knew depressing I am.