My text: MC is nearly lost in the joy of his LI’s eyes, like a cloudless summer sky.
Comment: I would like a detail here, like the colour of his eye
After chapter comment: I really had to stop and think in the middle of my reading what colour his eyes were…
So, I understand, that’s the same problem Nick has with my writing, it is too metaphorical. But do people really prefer to see just blue when the main sees someone they are in love with?
I certainly don’t! Just color names are so uninteresting to me (like I would probably put a story down if it had just “Her eyes were blue. Her hair was brown.”. Blue can be so many different shades anyway and this description also says something about of the MC views the LI.
And honestly, I think this description is quite clear if you just think one step further. Like it’s not unknown which color the sky is 
If you want to be overly clear I guess you could go with “blue as cloudless summer sky”. But don’t cut the description!
Eye color doesn’t matter.
It’s what matters to the MC.
If this particular MC thinks about summer sky, then it works.
But this specific sentence is confusing because you’re using “like” but what are you comparing? He’s lost like a cloudless summer sky? As in, a summer sky can make you lost? It’s not clear that LI’s eyes are like the sky.
It’s not exact quote
The exact quote is:
The familiar cowlick on the back of Toshka’s head flashed red, then disappeared when Toshka twisted his head to meet Volya’s gaze over his shoulder. For a second, Volya forgot everything else. Peering into a cloudless summer sky was like that, absorbing the color and the pure boundless joy of it.
Okay. In this quote, it’s not clear that Volya’s peering into Toshka’s eyes. But this little bit I think is fine. I don’t mind that it makes me imagine that the entirety of Toshka is like a cloudless summer sky.
I know you didn’t ask for it, but if you do want it, I think “twisted his head” has a very strange sound to it, something from a sci-fi alien stuff. “Toshka turned” wold’ve been clearer.
He meets his gaze. Where else would he be peering? Do people literally read one word at a time?
The problem (and I don’t really think it’s a big problem at all) is that there’s a sentence separating meeting the gaze to staring into the sky. It’s not connected.
See, for me this is not a problem, because he meets gaze, world stops, he describes the impact of that. I capture text a few sentences at a time, a situation. But I think some people read like they are proof-reading or something. Word after word, sentences separated.
Anyway, I gonna go run some errands, and then sit myself to write
Is it too much to ask to just not be petty? I was grounded for a whole semester for having a 77 in biology, yet every other class had an A and a B. They took away my computer, my phone, and most of my social life. What is it with parents and thinking that taking away something that makes their child happy motivates them to get it back or do something? That’s not how it works for some families. All it does is depress them, when I got my crap tanker away from me, I didn’t even see the point in life anymore. Like that’s really the only thing that makes me feel like I have a purpose in the world. They just don’t understand, and they can’t, they’ll most likely refuse to anyway. They’re jerks, they only focus on my flaws and my sister’s flaws, and all they do is insult us, mostly me. Calling me ‘too skinny’ ‘an idiot’ ‘stupid’ ‘fruity’ ‘lazy’ ‘uncaring’ ‘immature’ and that I need to ‘grow up’, even though I’m none of those things, and I am mature enough. Even when I try to explain why I am the wag I am they refuse to listen. They’re also always invading my privacy. Always getting into me for being in my room for like, an hour and forcing me to do thing so don’t want to do. They try forcing me out of my room and I hate that. Talking to them won’t do anything, they’re stubborn, insufferable, and they never take the time to see their flaws
No. Can’t stand blue, blue eyes, blue orbs. Don’t really even care much for blue eyes, myself.
But at the same time, there’s dozens of words that mean blue. I did a whole honking chapter or two on trying to break down the color blue and eyes on WP in a personal workshop book because it’s annoying as hell.
Yes. Most people do. I can tell by the number of times I have to explain words that twist the entirety of what I say.
Twisted is a word that isn’t pleasent in connotation. It’s like moist.
I’ve been trying to transfer my notes into Campfire, and omg, so many notes. It’s a huge undertaking.
In the process, I’ve made a few interesting discoveries.
One - the groundbreaking series ending that I thought was so brilliant - apparently I’ve already had that idea before! I wrote it down and completely forgot. I guess it’s still a good idea if I came up with it for the second time. lol.
Also, there are so many unused story ideas in my notes that are mind boggling. Some are pretty cool though I can no longer use them, some are just strange. My mind is a strange place. A mind-field. hehe.
That is why I started a Story Boneyard for my personal writing, here. If I’m sure I’m not going to use an idea, I’d rather dump it some place that others could prompt off of.
I have a question for anyone willing to answer:
Does it make sense to add a little glossary at the bottom of each chapter?
I mean the words that I will have there is going to be completely made up.
I don’t want to explain what they are in an info-dumpy way.
Would it make sense to explain what the meaning of the words are in context or make a glossary?
Any thoughts?
You shouldn’t expect your readers to check the glossary to understand the text. Glossaries work as a little fun trivia, not a replacement of clarity.
Many times readers can figure out the meaning of new words from context. You encroach on dangerous waters if you put too many of them in a row. Keep it bite sized.
So, it is a no-go for the glossary?
On topic I suppose, I have to stop writing chapter one for a bit because certain parts of my body like my neck, shoulders, bottom, and even my legs are screaming at me.
I need a break! Whew!
I’m always extremely happy and supportive when I see my friends make big accomplishments and do really well with their writing endeavors. But then I also feel this tiny little feeling of disappointment that I don’t have the skill to ever get to that point like they do. It’s disheartening sometimes.